"Two long days left."

Tuesday, July 21, 1992

     Today felt about a week long. We didn't really have any trouble, it just took a long time. We got there in plenty of time, even found a handicap space to park in. The appt. was at 10:00. We checked in at 9:36 (had to wait in line). It was over an hour before they called us back. We saw a female first who said she was a sr. med student. She asked lots of questions. It wasn't too long before the dr. came in—Dr. Timberlake. He was very nice—so nice I think he might be civilian. It's hard to tell when they're wearing dr. clothes. He checked her out and had us go "around the corner" for X-rays. We had to wait 30–40 min. for that. I'm glad I took some pnut butter triscuits & applesauce for Ez. to eat. She'd had some juice & teddy grahams before we saw the dr. Gayle went down to McDonald's to get Ez. some milk & us some sodas. I gave her money for them. Ez. didn't drink much milk or eat but one or two crackers, but she ate all her applesauce.

     She did good getting her X-rays done. I had to wear a lead apron. The girl did have to help me hold her legs still some of the time while a guy ran the machine. They took pictures of her pelvis and her legs & several of her feet, from different angles. She started getting fussy on the last one cause she had to lay on her side. They all came out ok so we didn't have to redo any. It didn't take too long to get them back.

     Dr. T. told us to come back down the hall and not stop in the waiting room so he'd see us. It was a couple of minutes before we saw him come out of a room and he saw us. He went to look at her X-rays & came back with the student to see us. He showed us the X-rays of her pelvis and said there was this one bone that had a higher curve on one side than the other but Gayle or I couldn't tell what he was talking about. He said it was nothing to worry about. He asked if they'd left her diaper on when they did the X-ray & I said yes & he seemed displeased. I don't know if that would cause what he was talking about.

     About her feet, he said not to worry about that yet either. He said she would probably start to walk soon and to get her some high-top shoes with soft sides to hold her ankles up. He wants to see her again in 3 months to see if they're better or worse by then. If they're worse she might have to wear braces.

     When I put her down on the floor to stand up, she surprised me by trying to walk over to Gayle. Not the left-foot step like she usually does, but real putting one foot in front of the other walking! She did it at home tonight too. Must be something about dr. visits that makes her want to try something new. 

     Anyway, by the time we finished there it was after 1:00. I have to call a month ahead to get an appt. (Oh, Ez. fell asleep on Gayle's shoulder while Dr. T. was talking at the end) Gayle said she'd just go to the ped. with us cause by the time we got home & changed the car seat over & everything we might be late. I thanked her profusely & apologized for taking up her whole day & missing lunch. Ez. slept til Gayle got her out of the car at the dr's. office.

     I had to fill out a new info sheet cause they got a new computer system & wanted to update everything. When we saw Dr. Karp she seemed like she was in a rush more than usual. Ez. did ok—at least she didn't have to clean out her ears. She looked at Dr. T's report & the X-rays (I was surprised he gave those to me) I asked if what he said made sense to her & she said yes but didn't elaborate. She took my notebook & started going over my questions while I was getting Ez. dressed so I couldn't make my own notes. When I got home & looked at it she'd skipped some stuff too. I guess I was just too tired to think by then.

     Gayle said she'd hold Ez. while she got her shots. She got them in the arm this time and hardly cried at all. I was shocked. She got measles, mumps & rubella in one arm and meningitis in the other. The dr. & nurse said she might develop a red, bumpy rash in five days & a fever and it would last 5 days. The nurse said to call if she did.

     It was around 3:00 when we got home. I thanked Gayle again. Before we left the ped. I asked if I could treat her to lunch & she said no. When she was leaving here I asked if I could give her some gas money & she said no, that just saying thank you was enough. So I said it again & gave her a hug. I told her I don't know what I'd have done without her. She said she was glad to help.

     Ez. went to sleep at about 3:30. I gave her some Tylenol first (& at bedtime too). Her weight was 23 lbs 9 oz & height 32". So the dosage goes up for Tylenol & other stuff now. I slept for about an hour. She was still asleep at 5:30 & I decided to wake her up. It wasn't easy. Her hair was all sweaty. I think I need to change the angle of the fan during the day but I always forget to do it before putting her down.

     We went & got the mail then ate supper. She got grumpy while I was doing dishes & I later discovered it was a poopy diaper. Oh yeah, she woke up at 6:06 this morning with a poopy diaper. That's 3 days in a row for the diapers—a whole week + 1 day for getting up early. Dr. Karp said to keep her up later. I said that doesn't make a difference. She said she probably doesn't need more than 8 hrs sleep. I didn't want to hear that. She said if she wakes up grumpy & stays grumpy she didn't get enough rest. It just didn't seem like she was much help this time.

     I'm so tired but Ez. will probably wake up as soon as I go to sleep. She did last night but I think her legs were chilly. I'd put her in her night shirt so I went ahead & put some pj bottoms on her when she woke up (& at bedtime tonight too.) Maybe today wore her out enough that she'll sleep late in the morning. I sure hope so.

     Two long days left.

July 1992

"Another long day."

Monday, July 20, 1992

     Another long day. 6:08—no a.m. nap—cried 38 min. at bedtime. She did have a good nap this aft. 2 hrs & 42 min. I slept about an hour—would've slept longer but thunder woke me up. It thundered quite a bit but never rained. Even when I get a good nap it doesn't last very long—I always get tired again.

     As if I didn't have enough problems, I started getting itchy last night so I went ahead & used some Monistat cream. I'm glad I did cause it's been worse today. I know it's not from antibiotics. The only thing I can think of is maybe it's because I didn't wash my hands between changing Ez's diaper & using the bathroom myself. I can remember doing that a couple of times but not when. Guess I need to be more careful.

     I called the ship info tape today & it's finally working. It said the Opportune came in at 7:00 this morning and left at 8:30. Strange.

     Three days left.

"Silly me!"

Sunday, July 19, 1992

     I can't believe how early Ez. woke up this morning—5:58. I only went & told her to go back to sleep & gave her her pacifiers & burp rag. She was quiet for about 30 minutes. I don't know if she went back to sleep or not but I did & it sure didn't feel like 30 minutes went by. This time I checked her diaper & it was messy.

     I knew she wouldn't go back to sleep but I tried it anyway. I'd set my alarm for 6:30, hoping I could take a shower before she woke up. Silly me! She was quiet for a little while so I reset my alarm for 6:45. I think it was about 6:32 when we finally got up. I went ahead & took a shower before we went down to eat. I don't know how but we got to church on time.

    She did a little better in church than last week. I did have to take her out once when she slipped & bumped the side of her head on the back of the pew. It wasn't really that bad. I put her in the nursery tonight. Joe & Angela Garcia were in there. She did fine. There was a fellowship after tonight's service. I didn't take anything. I fed Ez. before we went. I didn't take her walker. I sat her in a regular chair by me at one of the tables. She had a cookie—ch. chip.

     When we got home, when I opened the door, Chief was whining. I couldn't imagine what was wrong until I realized he was upstairs. I got onto him good and made him stay in his room awhile. Now that I think about it, he probably got scared if it stormed here. It was lightening in the distance on the way to church & was really dark out through church (though it didn't storm there then) and on the way home it looked like it had just rained all around here. I couldn't find anything he'd gotten into or chewed up.

     Oh, Ez. fell asleep on the way home this morning but woke up when I was taking her shoes off in the crib. So we went ahead & ate lunch. Then she slept a little over 2 hours. I watched TV for about an hour then tried to sleep. I might have actually slept for 30 minutes. I don't know how much longer she or I can go with as little sleep as we're getting.

     I was thinking about Ez's appt. at PNH Tues. & trying to figure out how I was going to manage w/o Guy. I decided to ask Gayle Harrison if she'd take us over there and she said she could & would. I'm so glad.

     Sue never did call back. She probably forgot. I was really wanting to talk to her.

     Four days to go.

"Next time should be easier."

Sat. July 18, 1992

     I can't believe Ez. is still waking up so early in the morning—6:08 today. I checked her diaper & tried to get her to go back to sleep but she started crying again. And still very short naps. I'm surprised she's not waking up overnight—knock on wood. We went to the other Wal-Mart today to look for that book. They had it on the list but there weren't any. I got some other stuff we'd forgotten or they didn't have at the other store last week. Plus I got Ez. a new book—Ten Little Bunnies—a board book.

     We stopped at Farm Fresh on the way home cause that's the only place I'd seen the book. I got one for Guy & one for Daniel's BD. (It's Tues. but since Guy won't be here I asked Daniel if we could celebrate it after he got back but he's leaving the day after Guy gets back for two weeks to visit his family in KY. I'm going to give him his present & card tomorrow at church.)

     Sue called while we were gone & said she'd call back later but she hasn't yet. When I first saw the light blinking I thought maybe it was Guy calling to say they were back.

     I washed her hair in the kitchen tonight. She wasn't sure what was going on but she did pretty good. Next time should be easier.

     Five days to go.

"I wonder if that would work every time"

Friday, July 17, 1992

     Guy had to work til 7:00 again last night. I was going to go to the spouses' meeting with Ez. but since he was here he said to wait til he got home & he'd keep her. I called Connie to tell her I'd be late. She said Guy had told her that already. She was at the BBQ on ship when he came up for lunch. We didn't go to the BBQ because he wasn't going to be able to spend time with us since they were still 'up' in radio.

     He got home about 7:25 & I left just a couple of minutes later. It wasn't hard to find but I wasn't sure where to park. They live in Navy housing—I just parked on the side of the road on the grass, where there weren't any marked spaces. There were only 5 there; me, Connie, Rhonda & two others & one of their husbands. I don't know if it was worth it or not. They're going to start charging dues of $1 per meeting. They're also starting a food bank. The next meeting will be at a picnic while the ship is gone.

     We had to get up early to take Guy in. They're not going out just for the weekend. They'll be gone til Thu. unless they break down again. Guy said something the other night about I must've prayed hard enough for them to come back in that day. I wonder if that would work every time?

     Ez. took short naps again today: just under an hour this morning & only 35 min. this aft. Since we had an early breakfast, we had an early lunch. Then we went out—first to Wal Mart to look for Tom Clancy's new book. I saw it in paperback at Farm Fresh the other day but figure it'll be cheaper at WM. But I couldn't find it there. I want to surprise Guy with it when he gets home & also get a copy to give Daniel (our single) for his BD Tues.

     I'm debating whether to go to the other WM tomorrow or go ahead & get them at Farm Fresh.

     Anyway, we went to the commissary after that for milk & a few other things. It wasn't too bad.

     I put Ez. to bed about 8:15 & she cried for a little bit. She gave me a hard time brushing her teeth, as usual. I tried to check for new teeth & she really put up a fight then. I couldn't feel anything new but that last molar is coming in very slowly.

     I called the dr's office to see if I could change Ez's appt. from Tues. to another day later in the week. They didn't have anything available on days when Dr. Karp is there but she is there on Tues. Her appt. is at 2:00 & I kept it there. The problem is, she has an appt. at the orthopedics clinic at PNH that morning at 10:00. I just hope they see her in time and that it doesn't take too long. It won't be easy though cause I'm sure she'll be tired and she has to get shots this time too. If she's used to Guy being gone by then it might be a little easier. I doubt it though. She's been to the dr. so much lately I think she remembers it from one time to the next now. Guy's never gone to an appt. when she had to get shots.

"She was late getting to bed again."

Wednesday, July 15, 1992

     Ez. woke up early again–5:33. Believe it or not I was already awake. (I woke up at 4:59 when I heard Chief jingling his tags.) I went & checked her diaper & she was ok so I told her to go back to sleep. She cried for a little while & I think went back to sleep but started crying again at 6:12. I waited a few minutes to see if she'd go back to sleep but she didn't. She wasn't poopy then either. She took a 55 minute nap at 8:45 & I slept about 30 min. This aft. she slept 25 minutes & I didn't any cause I was watching my story. Thank goodness she was ready for a nap again later & slept 1 1/2 hrs. I slept maybe an hour but it was more like dozing.

     Guy called around 12:40 & said they came in this morning. He didn't know yet if he'd be able to come home. Rhonda, the ombudsman, called about an hour later to ask me to call the people on my phone tree. There was a dependent's cruise scheduled for tomorrow but they changed that to having a BBQ on the ship at pier side, followed by an awards ceremony and open house. The ship is going to try leaving again Friday & I thought she said "for the weekend". But Guy didn't know anything about that. He called at 5:00 & said to pick him up at 7:00.

     Ez. acted shy when Guy got in the car but about halfway home she started getting fussy, wanting to get to him. She just sat on his lap when we got home while he was reading the mail. He gave her a bath & played with her & Chief some before putting her to bed. She was late getting to bed again. I wish that meant she'd sleep late. He had to walk her to sleep.

"I didn't cry as much today..."

Tues. July 14, 1992

     Ez. woke up at 6:08 this morning & wouldn't go back to sleep! She wasn't poopy either. She slept about 1 1/2 hrs. this morning & barely 1/2 hr this aft. Whenever I go to get her out of bed she's looking around the corner for Guy. And when I let her down after changing her diaper she goes in our room looking for him. A couple of times during the day when I happened to say 'daddy' she got excited & looked or crawled toward the front door looking for him. This aft. I got a tape out to watch of Christmas. She liked it til Guy came on the screen, then she got down from my lap & went over to the TV & cried & fussed so much I finally turned it off.

     I didn't cry as much today but still cried off & on all day.

     We went to the Cuthrell's for a BD BBQ for Mark Pugh tonight. I fed her before we went. It was supposed to be at 6:00. Deborah said she said 6:00 so people would be there & ready to eat by 7:00. It was 7:40 before we got to eat so I had to eat & run. Ez. had fun. She was crawling around, playing & giggling with people. But she was getting fussy on the way home. I finally put her in bed at 8:40 and she cried for 15–20 minutes. I was doing my medicine then taking care of Chief so I didn't have to hear her. She was asleep by the time I got back upstairs. I sure hope she sleeps good tonight & doesn't wake up early. She only woke up once overnight but went back to sleep after crying a little. (I did go in & check her diaper)

     We had to go to Farm Fresh for milk this morning. I also got some Dimetapp even though she doesn't have a runny nose any more. I also got her a little board book—Ten Little Puppy Dogs. I saw that Tom Clancy's latest book was out in paperback but I decided to wait & get it at Wal-Mart. Guy will be glad to have it to take on his trip to Panama. Two days down and 8 to go.

"It was so hard to say goodbye."

Monday, July 13, 1992

     We got up early this morning to take Guy to the ship. Ez. slept through him changing her diaper but woke up when he brought her downstairs because of Chief. It was so hard to say goodbye. And hard to watch him say goodbye to Ez. She didn't know what was going on. I managed not to cry too much til we got home. I thought she might go back to sleep on the way home but she didn't so we went ahead & ate breakfast. I'd taken a breakfast bar & milk with me & milk for Ez. She hadn't drunk much of hers. She got really tired during breakfast so I figured she'd take a good nap but she only slept about an hour. 7:40–8:40. I tried to put her down again later, around 10:00 but she wouldn't go to sleep, so I went ahead & got her up about 10:30. We ate lunch about 11:30 then went to the post office at ACE to mail the large framed pictures to Daddy & Judy. Then we went to Boone Clinic to pick up my Tobra. It was pretty hot but the A/C in the Camry works really good. Ez. went down for a nap at 2:00 & I figured she'd really sleep good so I settled in for a nice long nap & cry but she only slept 40 minutes! She played pretty good the rest of the aft. til it was time to get fussy about supper. We shared a TV dinner. It took a little effort to get her to eat the carrots & potatoes & roast beef but she gobbled up the green peas. We got her a toddler spoon & fork Sat. & she really likes them. We got two different sets but I only got the second set washed tonight. She actually gets food in her mouth sometimes. But she goes back to using her fingers some too. She had Cheerios for her bedtime snack tonight. She went to bed right at 8:00. I've got my fingers crossed.

     She woke up from her aft. nap yesterday with a runny nose so we started giving her Dimetapp. I gave her the last of it tonight & it wasn't a full dose. Hopefully she'll be ok in the morning.

     It's still been really hot. Today the high was 98 degrees & yesterday set a new record–101! Guy got sunburned when he went to do his ACC inspections yesterday aft. He was wearing shorts & flip-flops. Even the backs of his legs were a little burnt. He had blisters between his toes from the flip flops and his feet were filthy. And a been stung him on the foots he wore a cap so the top of his head didn't get burnt.

     There's not much on TV this week. The Democratic National Convention is on from at least 10-11 every night on every network. Maybe if I watch that I won't have any trouble going to sleep.
         One day down & nine more to go.

"I was so mad!"

Sunday, July 12, 1992

     Ez. woke up even before we got to bed. I went in and checked her & told her to lay down & go to sleep and left. She was quiet for about 10 minutes then started crying again. I let her cry awhile then Guy came up from taking care of Chief & asked if I wanted him to go in. I said maybe & he went in. She stopped crying immediately & I figured he'd be back in a minute. He kept staying & staying and I finally went to see if she'd pooped since I checked her and he was walking her! I was so mad! He stayed in there & walked her til she went to sleep. I thought we had an agreement that we weren't going to rock or walk her completely to sleep any more. He said later he just couldn't help it. He was probably thinking about having to leave and not being able to hold her for awhile. I thought he had more willpower than me. The other night he said he'd listen to her cry all night if he had to. If I can keep my resolve not to pick her up & walk rock her overnight, maybe she'll get out of the habit by the time he gets back. But the first time he puts her to bed she'll probably get back to her old ways. Maybe we need to do it together. Maybe I'll suggest that when he gets back.

     I don't know how she could know what's going on but it seems like she's been more attached to him all weekend. He was ushering today too. She saw him looking in the door window once & got all excited, then upset when he disappeared.

"I sure don't remember that."

Sat., July 11, 1992

     Well, I took Ez. to see Dr. Karp yesterday and there's nothing wrong with her. She really put up a fight when Dr. Karp had to clean her ears out. She started crying as soon as I set her down. The nurse had me hold her & took her temperature under her arm. Dr. Karp said her waking up so much is probably a combination of her teeth and a stage she's going through. She said not to pick her up when she wakes up in the middle of the night–just let her cry but check on her ever 10 minutes or so. So that's what we tried last night. It was a little before midnight when she woke up & I just checked her diaper & made sure she had her pacifiers. I tried laying her down but she wouldn't stay down so I told her she needed to lay down & go back to sleep & blew her a kiss & told her I loved her as I closed the door. Guy came in there while I was there but she didn't even see him so he left again. I thought she cried for about 10 minutes & went back to sleep but now Guy tells me it was 35 minutes. He said he went & checked on her once. I sure don't remember that. I do remember crying again and apologizing to Guy. Neither of us remembers hearing her any more overnight.

     I heard her at 6:something this morning but I guess she went back to sleep. It was 7:23 when I heard her again. She had a very messy diaper & it was dried up on her & gave her a rash. I gave her breakfast & let her play downstairs, thinking Guy would be up soon & we could eat together. He was still asleep when she was ready for a nap but woke up while I was putting her down. It was a little after 10:00. I figured he needed the sleep since he won't have a chance to sleep late again for a long time.

     After she got up & ate lunch we went to run errands. It was so hot again today. We went to a mail store & found a box for $2.00 to mail a large framed picture of Ez. to Judy (I'd cut up a larger box to put one for Daddy in.) We went to Kmart to see if they had any summer PJ's. Not much to choose from. (We'd gone to Wal-Mart yesterday when Guy got home around 2:30–:45) and all they had out were winter PJ's! There were a few summer gowns but I prefer PJ's for her. We went to Baby Superstore & found a couple of Gerber ones—one two-piece & one one-piece, but both short-sleeved & footless. We also got a cute little jump/sunsuit—all their summer Oshkosh was 30% off.

     I forgot to say we also went by Babylady yes. aft. to look for some plastic pants (none) and some shorts (got 3 & one top). We were looking through the rest of the store & there was an Ernie squeak toy. I pointed it out to Ez. & she wanted to hold it so I gave it to her and she wouldn't let go. There wasn't a price on it but the lady at the register said it was 50 cents so we got it for her. I managed to get it away from her long enough to wash it. She's carried it around off & on all day.

     We went to the new Wal-Mart over by Janaf. It's laid out the opposite of the one on Lynhaven so I got turned around.

     Guy was going to go out & do some inspections for his architectural control committee today but he din't get around to it. After we got back from the store Ez. & I were going to take a nap while he was gone. He was working doing some paperwork before he left & she woke up while he was still here with a poopy diaper. (She'd had one after breakfast too) I thought he was going to put her back to bed so I came back to bed. I think she slept about 40 minutes. I slept for maybe an hour after that. I had a headache when I woke up so I took some Panadol. Never noticed it again. We ate supper & Guy went out back to do some painting while I gave Ez. a bath. She poured some water over the side of the tub with one of her cups. Most of it went on the floor but a little on me. I'd meant to do her hair in the kitchen but forgot. She doesn't like doing it in the tub any more. We went back down to have a snack but she only wanted to watch Guy out back. He came in for a little while & got her to finish her snack then I brought her up. She fought me brushing her teeth, as usual. I don't know why she fights me so much & not Guy. Then I checked her diaper & she'd pooped again! That's four today. This one was messy too. (The tow middle ones were solid) I don't know what's going on with her system any more. Anyway, she went right to sleep. If things are the same she'll wake up as soon as we get to bed.

"So that was my lousy Sunday."

Thu. 7/9/92

[continued from previous post]

     That was probably the beginning of my headache. It certainly wasn't the end of my problems for the day. When we got home I locked my keys in the car. Thank goodness I didn't lock Ez. in the car. I laid the keys down in the back seat when I got her out of her seat and forgot about them til I shut the door & went to get them out of my pocket. I saw Mr. Gibbs was home next door so I went over to see if he might be able to get into the car for me. Another man answered the door & I asked if Mr. Gibbs was in. He said yes & I asked if I could see him & he told me to come in. I told him what happened & he said he didn't think he could but he'd come look. He said he couldn't but maybe the police would come do it. We went back in his house. I asked if I should call 911 or the regular number & he said probably not 911. I was going to ask for the phone book to look it up but he called information to get it then called the police himself but they told him they wouldn't do it. (Guy said later it's because of the insurance because these type locks are so hard to do it could damage the car (or the paint?)) He asked if Guy was out to sea & I told him he was on duty. He asked if the ship was back at Little Creek & I said it was but I didn't know what pier. He said he'd go over & find it & get his keys for me. I told him I could call Guy & see if they'd let him come home long enough to open the car. But he said he'd go over & Ez & I could stay at his house til he got back. His friend went with him. It was stuffy & hot in the house cause the A/C wasn't on & no windows open. There was a ceiling fan going. We went out & sat on their porch til it started getting dark. Ez. didn't want to go back in. There'd been a couple of cats go by. I don't know why she's so interested in cats. It was almost 9:00 when they got back and she was really fussy. I had some juice left to give her & thought I had some Teddy Grahams but I'd left them on the microwave cart. She didn't want much juice. I probably should've put some ice in it. Anyway, I'd told Mr. Gibbs to tell Guy all I wanted was his key to my car (so I wouldn't have to take his keys back to him). So I unlocked the car & got my keys out & finally got in the house. I thanked Mr. Gibbs profusely. I called Guy to let him know we'd gotten in like Mr. Gibbs said he'd told him to tell me. I started crying when I started talking to him & told him I'd just had a really lousy day. He asked what else had happened & I told him it was too long a story. I needed to get Ez. to bed & take care of Chief. He said he'd call back in an hour. I let Chief out then got Ez. to bed & got myself some Cheerios. I'd fed her at church but hadn't eaten myself since our late lunch at 2:00. So I forgot to say that somewhere along the way, after we got home & I took off my shoes, I got one of those tiny glass-like filaments in my heel. I was trying to get it out & Ez. was crying & fussing cause she was so tired & she'd hit her head. When we got up the stairs she wouldn't scoot back for me to close the gate so I moved her. Either she wasn't sitting up straight when I sat her down or she just lost her balance but she fell back & hit her head on the baseboard by the linen closet door. Anyway, I couldn't get the thing out of my foot, it broke off.

     I didn't bother giving Ez. milk or a snack cause she was just so tired. She felt warm when I took her clothes off so I took her temperature—100.6 degrees—and gave her some Tylenol. It was gone by the next morning so it was probably just her getting too warm while we were in the Gibb's house.

     So that was my lousy Sunday.

     Ez. was seeming ok Mon. so I didn't call the dr. But she's been up overnight almost every night since then. She started coughing a little yesterday and it sounded worse this aft. so I called & got her an appt. in the morning. Dr. Karp is supposed to be there. Hopefully she can figure out what's going on. Ez. just really hasn't been herself since that first viral infection. When she woke up last night we tried letting her cry herself back to sleep after I'd checked her diaper, etc. She cried & screamed for 20 minutes. I was crying half that time. Finally we both went in there. He went & got her some milk while I checked her diaper again. We were talking while she was drinking. He thought it was because she didn't have her bedtime snack. I told him she'd had it while we were eating. I'd fed her about 5:30 & didn't eat til he got home at around 6:40. But he thought she was out of whack because she didn't go back downstairs for a snack after her bath. I think she just thought she didn't have enough time with Guy before she put her to bed.

     He also said he was getting mixed signals from to me because I thought he was spoiling her if he stayed with her til she was completely asleep and if he didn't and she kept crying I'd start crying. I just don't know any more. It does seem like she'll go to bed easier to start with when I put her to bed. But when she wakes up overnight I can't get her to go back to sleep unless I rock her back to sleep. Guy stayed up & walked her the past two nights.

     He said he was prepared to listen to her crying all night if he had to but what gets him is me laying there crying too. I don't know if I'm even crying for her or for myself anymore. Probably more for myself. I just am dreading Guy being gone and I'm worrying so much about it. It was stupid of me to ever think that it would be good to have a dog or a baby to keep me busy while Guy's at sea. I've got my hands full even while he's here so I don't know how I'm going to manage while he's gone. I wish I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat like Guy does. I hope she's not inheriting my sleep problems. I'm leaving the fan on all night tonight so hopefully the neighbor won't wake her. One night she was vacuuming, bumping the wall at 11:00. One night she was going up & down the stairs & doing laundry at 2:00 AM. The high today was 98 & it's only supposed to get down to 79-80 over night so I don't think she'll get too cool with the fan on all night. It's 88 at 11:06–HEAT INDEX 97.

     I need to tell about Wendy coming for supper. What she was talking about with Debi is that Debi's pregnant & due in Dec. (Wendy's pregnant too & due in Jan.) We couldn't believe who the father is–Randy Smith. According to Wendy, he talked Debi into it and when she found out she was pregnant he accepted it at first then denied it and was trying to spread rumors to make it sound like she slept around. Wendy said Debi had been forward in church but it mustive been when we weren't there. I don't know who at church knows about it. He's moved to NC not long ago and is engaged to be married in Jan. I asked if Debi loves Randy & Wendy said Debi had thought she did. What I don't get is this: they're both Christians–even if they both loved each other they knew it was wrong. I don't know his background but I know she's only been a Christian a few years. Still, there's no excuse. I just hope & pray that we can raise Ez. right so she'll never end up in such a situation.

July 1992

"I should've stayed home."

Wed., July 8, 1992

     Ez's doing better I think. She did wake up some every night but wasn't up as long as before. She also woke up grumpy from her naps today, just crying & crying. But she hasn't had any more fever or runny nose and no medicine since Sunday. She has been coughing some today but she doesn't sound congested.

     Now I need to write about my lousy Sunday. Guy had duty so all of this was on my head.

     I didn't think to give Ez. her medicine til she was dressed and then she sneezed & got it on her dress. We were already running late so I just tried to wipe it off.

     Church was ok. There were a lot of former members there: Wendy Loveland, Gene & Cynthia Fredette, Andy Turner, & Mark & Linda Pugh (were here for camp). I invited Wendy over for supper Tues. night. She asked if Debi Gibbs could come with her & I said ok. She said she's here to try to help Debi not make the same mistakes she did. (More about that later)

     Ez. didn't take a nap in church & she was kinda fidgety but I kept her with me. She fell asleep on the way home so I was prepared to go to bed myself when I got her settled. I went to let Chief out and found all these little plastic pieces in the floor in the living room. He had gotten one of the ant baits we'd put on the entry. It had been in the corner behind the diaper bag, which, of course, I'd taken to church. I looked up the vet's no. for emergencies & got an emergency animal hospital on V.B. Blvd. I couldn't remember for sure what brand it was but I told her I thought it was Combat. She couldn't find any info on that & told me to call the 800 Poison Control & see if they could tell me the active ingredient. They did. But then I remembered we had other baits out & went to get one of them to see if it had a label or anything. It did and it was a different brand (Raid) and ingredient. I called the vet back & spelled out the name of the ingredient and she couldn't find anything on it and went to ask someone else. I assume the head dr., and said he wasn't familiar with it. She told me to call Poison Control again and ask what kind of chemical was in it or what symptoms it would cause in humans. I don't know if it was the same woman I got the first time or not but she said she would call the vet and give her the number for an animal line and have her call it then call me. So she took my name & number & the vet's number & it wasn't long before the vet called. She didn't call the number but gave it to me to call and said to be sure to ask if they charge anything to give you info. After I explained the situation to the man he asked if I was aware they charged for their service. I asked how much & he said if I charged it to my phone bill it would be $2.95 a minute. If I charged it to my credit card it would be a flat fee of $30. I told him to charge it to my phone bill. I forget exactly what all was said but for some reason he got me upset when he asked me if I wanted the number or not & I said 'I need to find out if my dog is going to die–just give me the number!'

     So I got the number & called & talked to a woman for 3-4 minutes. She asked what kind of dog, his age & weight & amount & what he ate. She said the concentration in the amount was so small that it shouldn't affect him but we'd need to watch him for vomiting or diarrhea for 2-3 days in case he swallowed any of the plastic. All of that took nearly an hour & I was so keyed up by then that it took awhile to get to sleep. Thank goodness Ez. took a long nap, til nearly 2:00.

     When we went back downstairs to eat lunch I realized I'd forgotten to take the juice out of Ez's diaper bag & there were ants all over & in it & on the entry. There's still bait behind a box there but it seems like they just ignore it & go for her bag. It took awhile to get her bag cleaned up. We think the ants first got in after Ez. & I started going out to wait on the front porch for Guy to get home. But we can't figure out if they've built a 'nest' inside or are all coming in from the outside somehow. We're trying to be more careful about leaving juice & snacks in her bag. 

     Ez. did good the rest of the aft. I debated about going back to church & finally decided to. I should've stayed home. Keith Cuthrell preached & he always goes overtime. It was 7:10 before church was over. I was so tired by the time it was over cause Ez. was so fidgety. Wendy sat behind us and Ez. sat with her awhile. Then when she came back up she wanted to stand up & play with Wendy. Anyway, I asked Daniel to carry her to the car for me. I took her from him to put her in the car and bumped my head.

July 1992