"There's always the possibility of something going wrong at any time, even after delivery."

Sat., April 6, 1991 -  a.m.

     I tried pushing around my tummy last night and the baby moved around some but not a whole lot.  She's been moving around more this morning, about like usual.  But I guess I'm more worried because yesterday Ann asked us if it bothered or scared us to think about what happened with Cathy Rudolph's baby. (Her baby apparently died when she dropped & the cord got compressed.)  I had thought of it before but I guess I'm thinking more of it the closer we get to the end.  There's always the possibility of something going wrong at any time, even after delivery.

     I'd planned to go to the shower Linda Pugh was having for Jeri Adams.  But I just didn't sleep well last night.  We went to bed at 11:00 and I woke up at 1:15 & couldn't go back to sleep.  My head was kind of hurting so when Guy stirred about 2:45 I asked him to get me some Tylenol.  I went back to sleep after 3:00 but kept waking up & my head still hurting.  Finally around 7:00 I got up and took some more Tylenol & while I was up I went to the bathroom.  The flushing apparently woke Chief up cause he started whining.  Guy went to let him out & seemed to be gone a long time.  I heard Chief still whining so I went to see what was wrong.  He had wet in the kitchen floor.  Guy was mopping it up with vinegar water while Chief was still outside.  He said it was a pretty big puddle, all across from the freezer to the sink.  I'm glad we've been keeping the gate on the kitchen door again.  We figured stuff like this would happen after the baby comes but don't understand why it's happening now.  I just hope it doesn't get any worse.  I don't know if I wrote about the morning he got a Ziploc bag out of the kitchen trash & ripped it to shreds.  It had had sandwich meat in it & was probably in the paper sack in front of the trash can.  That same day I left him loose with the dining room blocked while I was at a dr. appt.  When I came home he had taken some Kleenex & candy wrappers out of the living room trash & ripped them up all over the floor.  Another day I discovered he'd been pulling pieces off of the car seat box which is sitting by the stereo.  Guy keeps threatening to make him an outdoor dog but I think that would be like starting all over again.  Yesterday after I got home from the support group he kept wanting in & out.  I finally just left him out there, putting up with his scratching & whining.  Finally he started going away from the door for a few seconds at a time so I got up to watch him.  About the third time he went away he started sniffing around & then peed.  As soon as he was done I opened the door & let him in.  He wanted to play so I played with him for just a little bit before going upstairs.  I left him loose cause he'd gotten comfortable in his chair and didn't find any messes when I came back down.

     I worked in the front bedroom for a little bit, mainly putting the shelf liner in the baby's chest drawers.  I left them all open cause the paper's vinyl & had a smell to it.  After that I took a nap from about 4:00-5:30.  Guy called about 5:45 to say he was on his way home.  I heated up the leftover tuna helper & had the salads done by the time he got home.  After supper we watched tapes & caught up a little.

"...it doesn't seem like she's been moving around..."

Friday, April 5, 1991

     At K-Mart we got lots of stuff for the baby - bibs, diaper wipes, rubber pants, t-shirts, sleepers, and a coming-home outfit.  (Guy had gotten some disposable diapers at the commissary.)  We also got some birth announcements.  I'd wanted to go to Hallmark for those & a baby book but it was getting too late & there were some cute ones there with shiny pink footprints on the front.  I still want to go to Hallmark for the baby book.  I hope we'll have time to do that.  

     I went to the Expectant Arms meeting this morning.  I had to circle around the parking lot about 5 times before finding a place close enough to walk.  Cathy Rudolph wasn't there.  She'd told me they were going to visit her in-laws in Baltimore & do some sight-seeing in DC; this week was spring break for Virginia Beach schools.

     But we had a good meeting. Margaret talked more than I did.  We kind of went into the treatment we got from the drs. with our previous pregnancies.  She'd been to Maternal-Fetal Medicine too.  Ann said that Dr. Levy is the only one there now.  Because they're part of the medical school.  I asked if they'd been fired & she said no, she didn't know why the others left and she heard that Dr. Levy might not be there much longer.  Sounds strange to me.

     I was having a lot of Braxton-Hicks contractions this afternoon so I started timing them.  It was kind of scary when the first two I timed were only about 5 minutes apart.  But they got further & further apart til it was like 50 minutes.  That was just before I took a nap.  I had a few right after I got up but it doesn't seem like she's been moving around since supper like she usually does. 

"...it's good because it means she's strong."

Thu., April 4, 1991

     Mon. the place I hurt from coughing Sun. night was still hurting on the left side.  It's down at the bottom of my ribs just in front of my exact side.  It hurt most when I took a deep breath or coughed & I was trying not to cough so hard cause I didn't want to tear anything.  But Tues. morning while Guy was in the shower it happened.  I didn't think I was coughing very hard but I felt it move when I did.  I was trying to reach my bell and by the time I got hold of it, Guy turned the shower off so he heard it right away.  He helped me hold it while I had to cough then brought me some extra-strength Tylenol to take.  I think I used the heating pad on it for awhile.  I just took it easy all day Tues. and it didn't get any worse or better.

     Since it was on the left side I figured I'd be ok to drive myself to the dr. Wed.  I had the non-stress test at 1:00 & saw Dr. Rand later (drs. are always running late.).  My NST was ok but it was the hunchbacked girl that did it.  My weight was down another pound.  And this was on the scales on Dr. Rand's side.  He said I should try not to lose any more but that the baby is a good size so don't worry about her.  I had lots of questions for him.  He'd said I was 1-2 cm & I think he said the cervix was starting to thin out.  But I forgot to ask about that later.  He said I'd have some spotting from the exam & I have but it hasn't been too bad.  

     He said he doesn't think I'll make it to my due date.  He also said he might consider inducing me so that it would be scheduled so all the drs. I need would be there.  I'm not sure I want to do that so I kind of hope labor starts before he has a chance to induce.  He still thinks it would be best to avoid a C-section if possible.  I asked about rooming in & he said it might be best to do it in the daytime and leave her in the nursery overnight.  I may do that if I'm sure they'll bring her in to nurse overnight & not give her any bottles in the nursery.

     I asked if, considering our past history of infertility, we should worry about using birth control & he said yes.  He recommended an IUD, which I definitely don't want, or depo-provera, which he said is a shot you get every three months.  The name sounds familiar but I need to ask Carole & find out more about it.  I really don't think I could get pregnant again without any help but you never know.

     I asked him about using my tobra & other meds. in the hospital and he said to bring everything with me cause it might take them awhile to get it there.  They're probably not used to having anyone on maternity taking medicine not related to the baby.

     When I asked if he could tell if she'd dropped he said she has some but not completely.  She still moves around a lot & keeps kicking the same spot on the right side.  Guy says it's good because it means she's strong.  That doesn't make it hurt any less.

     I'll have to go over my list again to see what else he said.

Later

     The only other thing he said was to bring copies of my records of my pulmonary treatments during the pregnancy so whoever's there can see what's been going on.

     Marian had called that morning & said for me to call her at home after my appt. & let her know about my weight.  When I did, she wasn't too happy about it.  She asked about how often & how much I've been eating.  Then she recommended that I eat more at my second breakfast and have a milkshake in the afternoons.  I'm supposed to stop by & see her after I see Dr. Rand next week.  If she's there; she's due on the 12th I think.

     Guy had this aft. off cause he has duty tomorrow.  He went to the commissary without me.  He did a good job though.  He said he breezed through cause he didn't have to ask me about stuff.  What took him so long was that they sent him to a line where there was a trainee working.  So he was frustrated from that then got caught in the beginning of the aft. rush.  So he wasn't in a good mood when he got home.  He put away the cold stuff & relaxed a little.  We'd planned on going shopping when he got back but it was almost 5:00 by then.  So he went ahead and fixed supper and we left after the news & weather.

     We went to the Baby Superstore first to get the basket & stand.  They don't sell them anymore.  At first I thought we were talking about two different things (me & the sales lady) cause she said they'd put them on clearance sale from $149.99 to $79.99.  The stands were $25.99.  They had the one left that had been the floor display.  It had a white eyelet cover and there was a wire frame attached that opened up to form a cover like a bassinet.  But I still thought that was too much to pay for it.  We looked at some cradles but they would take up too much space and cost over $100.00.  We looked at a Fisher-Price portable playpen that can be converted to a bassinet.  It was $89.95 and would be good for trips too.  We checked the price at K-Mart later (84.95) but didn't get it yet.  

     At the Baby Superstore we got one of those "pillows" that fit around their head in the car seat to keep it from flopping sideways, and a changing pad that has a stuffed edge all around to keep them from rolling off.  Both in pink terrycloth-like fabric.

"[I'm] not sure I'm ready to be a mother..."

Mon, April 1, 1991

     Friday night we spent a couple of hours working in the front bedroom.  We got the baby's chest cleaned out.  I want to get some shelf paper to put in the drawers.  Guy said it would be ok to keep the regular chest for myself.  I'm supposed to work in there some today, sorting through some boxes of papers. Hopefully we'll be able to get the furniture rearranged and the crib set up by next weekend.

     Sat. was Michelle Forsythe & Bob Bridgeman's wedding.  I went at 9:00 for an appt. to get my hair done up in a french braid.  Actually, Guy took me.  It looked really nice.  The wedding was at 12:30 at Oceana CoC.  We'd wondered why they were having it there instead of at Granby.  I think it was because they had tapes of instrumental music and they don't allow that at Granby.  I'll try to remember to write about that later.

     The wedding was very nice.  The preacher was a professor from NE Christian Jr. College in PA.  I think Michelle went there before she went to Harding.  The baby was kicking me all through the ceremony so I guess she enjoyed it too. The reception was at the Radisson Hotel out toward the oceanfront. It was really nice, too. They had hors d'oeuvres available upstairs - we were able to find the elevator though. I only drank some punch cause I figured it wouldn't be that long before we ate. But they (the wedding party) didn't get there til nearly 2:30. It was a sit-down dinner in a large room downstairs. When we'd returned our RSVP card we'd had to mark our choice of chicken or roast beef. We picked chicken & it was very good. We had salads first. The chicken was served with wild rice and a vegetable mix of cauliflower, carrots, and zucchini and very nice rolls. There wasn't any tea though. They had water and then brought some sparkling cider for the toast. I wasn't looking forward to drinking water with my meal. Even if they'd had tea I couldn't have had it because of the caffeine. Then I spied someone getting some punch from a table on the far side of the room. So Guy went over there about 3-4 times - the glasses were pretty small.
     After we ate we mingled a little bit and they finally cut the cake. We didn't have any though. It looked like there was a layer of chocolate & a layer of white. We got to talk to Bob & Michelle for a little bit & said our goodbyes to her folks.

March 30, 1991

     We saw Rob Hardison on the way out & he said he'd mail the picture when he gets it done. I probably haven't written about that yet. Ever since he moved back here after graduating from Harding, I've been after him to let me look through his artwork and let me buy something to add to my collection of Harding art. But he'd always say he didn't have anything I'd like cause he didn't do "living room art." After their wedding, Gina went down to Atlanta to start training for her new job & he was staying here til this weekend. I talked to him after church one Sunday & told him if he wasn't taking all his art with him I was going to go over to his folks' house after he left & look through & pick something out. I forget what all we said back & forth but finally we settled on the idea of him doing something new that we could put in the baby's room. He asked if I remembered a certain picture in his folks' den & I kind of did. It was a watercolor of a tricycle, kind of impressionistic. I told him that would be nice. He said it wouldn't be a tricycle but something in a similar idea & style. I said ok. I also told him I was willing to pay him as long as it wasn't an arm & a leg, maybe an arm. He never really said anything about a price though. Gayle told me one Sun. that he'd started on it but stopped when Gina came back for a few days. Gina told me he was excited about doing it because he'd never had a special request before. I'm looking forward to seeing what he comes up with.
     Back to Sat., we stopped by K-Mart to leave the film to be developed cause we finished the roll at the reception. Then we went by the credit union to deposit my allotment in the ATM. Guy hadn't gotten home in time to take me Fri. aft. & I didn't want to have to go by myself and stand in line.
     I was tired when we finally got home and took a nap from about 5:30-6:45. It took me awhile to get fully awake. Guy fixed popcorn for us to have while we watched Star Trek. Then we watched tapes for awhile. When we went upstairs we taped my tummy to show the difference since the baby's dropped.
     I woke up in the middle of the night & went to the bathroom & couldn't go to sleep. I started thinking about everything and how I'm ready for this to be over with but not sure I'm ready to be a mother, about how hard it's going to be to deliver and wondering if I'm going to be able to do it or end up having a C-section. I just couldn't get comfortable & tossed & turned til Guy woke up. We talked awhile cause I started crying telling him all the things I was thinking. I remember saying I missed Mom & being able to have her helping me through this. He just kept telling me that everything would be ok, that I'll be able to make it through and he'll be right there the whole time to help me. I think I said something to the effect that I didn't know how he'd be able to help me very well with the breathing cause we weren't practicing enough. He said we would and last night we did. Hopefully we'll do it every night from now on.
     Last night we brought the video camera down and Guy taped me walking up & down the hall to show how I'm waddling now. I was only walking a little bit funny before but since the baby's dropped I can't put my legs close together to walk normally. I can hardly cross my legs wither. I thought I'd be able to breathe easier once the baby dropped but it doesn't seem to be much better. I had a coughing spell last night and it hurt both my sides at the waistline. They're sore today, especially the left side & especially when I cough. The place I hurt that we went to the emergency room for is doing a lot better. It doesn't hurt when I cough but it still aches some when I'm tired.
     I spent this morning recording some classical music off of records onto cassettes. I filled up an hour tape.

"We're just over 3 wks. away!"

Fri. March 29, 1991 (Part 4)

     Yesterday (3/28) I took it easy most of the day.  Guy had security duty again.  The Kennedy family & others came in and it was on TV all afternoon.  Guy ended up having to stay in the office all day.  He really hates that so he was in a dumpy mood when he got home about 6:30.

     Meanwhile, when I got up yesterday, Chief had ripped a ziploc back to shreds in the kitchen.  It was probably in the sack in front of the trash can where he could smell the scent of the food that had been in it and where he could reach it easily.  We've been keeping him in the kitchen most of the time at night & when we're gone since the carpet incident.  But I left him loose yesterday afternoon when I had to leave and when I got home there was stuff in the living room & hallway floor.  He had gotten some kleenex and candy wrappers out of the living room trash can and they were in shreds.  I was so mad at him.  I made him stay in his room, after letting him go potty, til Guy got home.  I left the mess so he could see what he'd done.  So, no more leaving him loose when we're gone or overnight for awhile.

     The appt. I had yesterday aft. was an interview with a pediatrician.  I found out at the Exp. Arms meeting that you have to have one to examine the baby before they'll discharge it from the hospital.  You also have to have notes about rooming in and to keep them from giving your baby any formula.

     I called the referral service at CHKD & they gave me four names.  I made appts. with two.  The other one is a week from Monday & is in College Park Shopping Center.  The one yesterday was at Tidewater Children's Associates, a group of five drs.  It's only 5 or so minutes away, right across from the 7-11 on Witchduck.  The appt. was for 4:45.  When I got there they gave me a bag full of literature, mostly about formula.  There were a lot of noisy kids there.  One of the drs. came out at one point to tell me they were behind because one of the drs. went home sick at lunch.  Most everyone was gone when he came out again at 5:45.  Instead of going to his office he sat down in the waiting room to talk. He told me how long each dr. has been there: from 4 yrs. to 30 something for the founder.  He said they all have the same basic ideas of practicing so we wouldn't get conflicting advice from each of them.  They have evening hours M-F as well as 9-5 for sick or well appts. They have Sat. morn. hrs. for sick only and April-Oct. they have Sun. aft. hrs. for sick only.  They come check on the baby the 1st morning after birth and every morning til you check out.  When I asked if they support breastfeeding he said they do & would work with you to help it work.  About rooming in he said that was fine if that's what you want but personally he thought you should only do it during the day so you can rest better at night.  But he said he wouldn't prevent you from rooming in around the clock.  I guess he answered all my questions ok.  Unless I really like the other drs. a lot better I'll probably go with these cause they're so close.  I just wish Guy could go with me & help decide.

     Lori called last night to see how I'm doing.  She said they've started looking at houses again but haven't put theirs on the market yet.

     When we got ready for our nightly ritual of Guy putting lotion on my tummy last night, it looked kind of different.  Instead of being rounded at the top it was kind of sunk in at the top and I looked wider.  When I stood up and looked in the mirror it looked like it was a little lower but sticking out more.  Guy thought so too.  So, she's apparently dropped.  I read in my books and they said that first babies usually drop 2-3 wks. before delivery.  By the official count we're just over 3 wks. away!

"I just cried & cried & cried."

Fri. March 29, 1991 (Part 3)

     Tues. aft. (3/26) I went to Cathy Rudolph's house for her breastfeeding class.  I'd been wanting to go the past couple of months.  She has it the 3rd Sat. morn. of each month.  One month I was sick & one month she or her boys were so sick she didn't have it.  So she said she'd give me a private class.  I was planning to go that week right after I hurt my muscle/rib but called her to see if we could do it this week & she said ok.  She'd loaned me a book from the LaLeche League & I read the first 7 chapters in that.  She gave me all the handouts she usually gives out and we went through the outline.  She had a doll to demonstrate how to hold the baby.  I was there from 1-3:15 so we covered a lot of information.  They have a really nice, roomy house in a nice neighborhood with a big front yard & a huge back yard.  She also gave me a couple of other books to read about parenting.

     Wed. (3/27) I had a 9:00 non-stress test & 9:30 appt. with Dr. Lehew.  (Dr. Rand had said the week before that he was taking some time off cause his wife had had her baby.  I'd heard that the week before & found out that his wife is the other nutritionist!)  I was hoping to see Dr. Puritz cause she's the only one I haven't seen yet.  But they said her appts. were full.  I'd like Dr. Lehew so that's who I asked for & he was open.

     Anyway, it was Bonnie who did the non-stress test this time.  She's nice.  I was late getting there so they'd already taken the next person.  So that made me late for the dr. & I guess they just worked me back in to the middle of the other patients.  So I was about an hour late to see him.  On those scales I had lost a pound but I think those scales had said less the other time I was on them.  (I left a message for Marian telling her that but she never called so I guess she's not worried about me.)

     Dr. Lehew said there was no change from last time.  I told him that Dr. Baker had said he'd be glad to be on standby when the baby comes.  He knows him.

     That afternoon I decided I wanted to go ahead and use the breast shields anyway.  Cathy had said to wash them in soapy water then boil them for five minutes.  So I washed them & put them on the stove.  I went back to the living room - I couldn't & still can't remember if I was letting Chief in or out, or just checking on my story.  But whatever, I just got myself comfortable on the couch and forgot all about them.  As near as I can tell, it was about 45 min. later when I heard this cracking noise coming from the kitchen.  I got up to go investigate and as I stood up I realized what it was so I ran in there.  All the water was gone from the pot and all the pieces were melted down flat and looked scorched in places.  I grabbed the pan off the burner & set it on one of the covers & turned the burner off and the exhaust fan on.  There wasn't any smoke but I could smell the scorched smell a little.  I was so upset.  I just cried & cried & cried.  Guy had called to say he should be home about 2:30 so I was waiting & wanting him to be home right then.  I had calmed down some by the time he did get home by watching the rest of my story I'd taped Mon. & Tues.  But when I started trying to explain it to him I just started crying again & couldn't stop.  Part of it was that they weren't mine, they were Cathy's, and I didn't know her well enough to know how she'd react; I was scared to tell her; it was scary to think I could have set the house on fire; I felt so stupid for doing it  Guy just held me for awhile & told me I wasn't stupid and said he'd call Cathy & tell her what happened and that we'd pay her for them.  She wasn't home & he left a message on the machine.  But she didn't call back til Thu. morning.  I'll tell about that later.

     After I started feeling better I went with Guy to get a new headlight for the truck & some wipers too.  Chief & I sat out front and watched.  The wipers were the wrong size so he'll have to take them back.

     Our Lamaze class met at the hospital that night.  We got to go in a labor/delivery/recovery room.  It's a lot different than I had pictured.  It doesn't look like an operating room but more like a regular room.  There's a special bed that looks pretty regular, a regular chair, a rocking chair, a place for them to clean & check the baby, a bathroom with a shower, a TV.  There are outlets behind the bed for oxygen & everything and around the partition are the closet and shelves full of medical supplies & equipment.  If you have to have a c-section they wheel you to an operating room.  Otherwise you stay in this room for at least an hour after delivery before going to a regular room.  You're allowed one other visitor besides your husband during labor & delivery.  I don't know if I want anyone else there for the actual delivery but maybe sometimes during labor.  We'll see.

     After we finished the tour we all walked over to Jenkins Hall, a long walk, where we'd gone for the memorial service in November.  We went in a classroom & Janice talked some and had us practice the pattern paced breathing.  We divided into groups and had to come up with a list of things that mother can do for herself and things that father can do for her.  She had asked us each for a number from one to ten & added them up.  That was the number of things we had to think of.  It took awhile but we did it.  My group had 3 men & 3 women.  Guy was the only man in his group.  After that we watched a tape about three different couples going through labor & delivery.  None of them had any complications and all of them had boys.  We were late getting out of there. 

To Be Continued...

"I don't want to do that much all at once any more."

Fri. March 29, 1991 ( Part 2)

     Sun. 3/24 was the Annual Potluck for Singles & A. Families.  It was nice not being in charge of it this time.  They didn't publicize it very much this time & there wasn't a very big turnout - maybe 30 people or so.  Mark wasn't even there, he had to leave right after church for a lectureship in Philadelphia.  Herky said a few words at the end & asked Guy if he wanted to say anything.  He said something about each of them (singles) being able to make a difference, especially after leaving here & going to other places.  It was a good little speech.

     Gabrielle & Chris didn't get to stay for the dinner - they were going house hunting.  She still says she wants to be our single.

     Guy had Mon. aft. off (3/25) because of having duty Tues.  We went shopping.  First we took the lawn mower to Sears for a preventive maintenance service.  They said it would take 1-1 1/2 wks.  We went to Kmart & got me a nightgown that has buttons on the shoulders so it'll be easy to nurse with it, and a snap-front housecoat - both pink.  We went to Sears & I got another nursing bra & some more hose & panties & a nursing gown.  We looked at shoes cause I wanted some flats that were bone.  The only bone ones I have are too high to wear now.  They didn't have anything in the right combination of color, style, & size.  So we went out into the mall.  No one really had a good selection of bone colored shoes.  They're mostly white & colors.  We finally found something close enough at Payless.  They're more taupe than bone but they'll do ok I think.  I was going back & forth between size 6 1/2 & 7 & finally decided to get the 7s and got insoles so the left one will fit better.

     I think Farm Fresh is the only other stop we made.  Oh, we looked for Chief a boodabone at the pet store but they cost $16!

     I was tired when we got home & told Guy I don't want to do that much all at once any more.

      

To Be Continued...

"He said I had dilated one centimeter & he could feel the baby's head. That took me by surprise."

Friday, March 29, 1991 (Part 1)

     Guy didn't get there til I was waiting in the exam room.  He was still in his camouflage cause they took so long he didn't want to take time to change.

     Dr. Rand did a pelvic & it kind of hurt.  He said I had dilated one centimeter & he could feel the baby's head.  That took me by surprise.  I asked if that meant the baby was engaged & he said she wasn't.  We didn't get to go in his office & talk to him afterward as usual so I didn't think of all these questions til we were home.  Guy had seen a little blood on Dr. Rand's glove after examining me or I would've panicked when there was some spotting I noticed once we got home.

     I was supposed to see Marian McCoy next & she came out & said she didn't have to see me since I'd gained so much weight.  She said to just let her know if I didn't gain at least 1/2 lb. a week now.

     I called Barb to let her know she didn't have to come back to pick me up.

     Fri. 3/22 I went to the second meeting for Expectant Arms.  It was just me & Cathy & Margaret again.  I don't remember what all we talked about but I asked them about the dilating since they've both had babies before and they said it was nothing to worry about.  So I felt better after that.

     I wore the jumpsuit I'd made & felt like I was wearing a clown outfit.  All it needed was some giant pom-pons down the front.  Cathy said she'd made the same thing & it was too big for her too.  It would fit better if I took the shoulder seams up but that would be a hassle since it's lined.  It doesn't look like I'll get the clothes made from the fabric I bought at the last sale.  I can make regular clothes for after the baby.  I need to get the rest of baby's stuff done.  I washed & dried the fabric for that this morning.

     Sat. 3/23 we spent the afternoon working in the front bedroom.  We made a lot of progress but I was pooped by about 5-5:30.  I took a nap for about 1 1/2 hrs. before we had supper.  We got a lot of boxes ready to go in the attic, except for taping them up.  We put my fabric scrap boxes in the closet.  I got all but one shelf of the bookcase cleared and two drawers of the chest emptied.  We cleared the space in front of the left window.  But there's still a lot to do.

     That morning Guy had scrubbed the crib mattress.  It looks a lot better so I think it'll be ok.  That's about $35 saved.  We need to tape over a couple of rips & then put a cover over it.  We got that when we went shopping Mon. But I'm jumping ahead. 

     I think Sat. night was when I took the last of the Tylenol-3 so I could get a good night's sleep.  My back still bothers me some, mostly when I'm tired.  It doesn't hurt to where I need to hold it when I cough at least.

To Be Continued...

"They still say it's a girl."

Tuesday, March 26, 1991

     I don't know how long after that the lady resident came back and said they were going to do a chest X-ray & I said "no, no X-rays".  She said she'd be right back & started telling me that I needed it because they needed to rule out pneumonia and it wouldn't hurt the baby at this late stage of development and because Dr. Rand had ordered it.  I told her I wanted to talk to my husband about it so she finally went & brought him back there.  He said it had only been 30-45 minutes since they first took me back there.  It sure seemed a lot longer than that.  By the time they got back there, she'd convinced him that I needed it & he started talking me into it.  I really didn't want to have one but he said all the stuff she'd said.  I just kept saying I didn't want to hurt the baby.  He kept saying they wouldn't do it if it would hurt her.  So I finally agreed.  The X-ray lady came for me and the man next door to me.  She asked if I could walk & I said I didn't think so, so she put the rails up on the gurney & wheeled me down there.  It was quite a ways so I wouldn't have been able to walk there.  It took her awhile to get things set up.  Instead of putting the shield around my waist, she hung it over a little stand & pushed it up behind me.  Once she finished I had to sit & wait on the gurney in the hall while she developed it.  It was getting drafty & cold out there.  Guy unfolded the sheet all the way that I'd had over my legs & I covered up with it.  I was still sitting up though instead of leaning back, even though the head of the gurney was still up I think.

     I asked the girl if I could go to the bathroom & she said I'd have to wait til we got back to the emergency room & ask them if it was ok.

     When the lady resident came back to see me, there was a male resident with her.  I can't remember what all he said then but he put me on oxygen with the thing under my nose.  I told him I was breathing more through my mouth than my nose.  He said that was ok cause some of it would get through.  When he was getting ready to leave I asked if I could go to the bathroom & he said he'd never tell a pregnant lady she couldn't go.  It was on the far side of the central desk so it took awhile for me to get there even with Guy's help.  They had separate men's & women's rooms.

     We went back to my space to wait.  The male resident had turned off the oxygen for me to go to the bathroom & shown Guy how to turn it back on.  It seemed to help me breath better after awhile even though I was breathing mostly through my mouth.

     At some point, the girl brought the ultrasound machine and checked my blood pressure.  Then we just waited & waited.  They'd left the curtain open & we could see the central desk.  It didn't look like much was going on though most of the spaces were occupied.  Guy had brought my medical records with us & the man had taken them and said they'd look over them & all their test results and talk to their boss.

     I eventually had to go to the bathroom again.  Guy had asked at some point for some ice water for me.  We tried asking someone if I needed to wait til they did the ultrasound but nobody was coming our way.  Guy finally went to the desk & asked & they said they'd have to ask someone else.  Someone finally came & said it was ok.  So we trudged on down to the bathroom again.  It was a little while later the two residents came & did the ultrasound.  It wasn't a very clear picture but we could at least tell that the heart was beating very well.

     Then they left again & we waited some more.  We were both about to fall asleep.  The girl came back & told us they'd ruled out the pneumonia and kidney infection.  But they weren't sure if I'd just sprained a muscle or slightly fractured a rib.  They'd have to take more X-rays to check the rib & they didn't want to do that.  They were going to give me some Tylenol with codeine before I left & a prescription for more for the pain.  She said to just rest & use moist heat.  I started crying cause I didn't want to have to take the codeine.  That's what they gave me after the D&C after the miscarriage and it gave me nightmares.  So I was saying all this to Guy & he told me that I needed something to take the pain away so I could rest because that's what I & the baby needed most right now - rest.  I asked what effect if would have on the baby & she said it wouldn't hurt her.  So I finally agreed.  While we were waiting on the medicine, the male resident came by & went over what all she'd said.  If I had any more problems I was to come back there.  I think it was about 6:45 when we got to leave.  We asked if we got a copy of everything for my records & they said we could request it through the dr. later.

     There were six tablets in the bottle, I think, & I took two before we left.  They were starting to take affect by the time we got home.  Guy called work to let them know what was going on.  (I think I mentioned he was supposed to have duty weekend.)  He told them to let him know if he had to come in Sunday so he could get someone to stay with me.  But they didn't ever call him.

     I was pretty much out of it all day & night Saturday.  Guy slept with me some when we first got home.  But he made sure I ate enough through the day, even though I didn't have much of an appetite.

     He called Mark (& had to leave a message) so they could announce it at church Sunday.  He tried calling Carole but she was at work.  He had to go to Farm Fresh to get a few things & got the medicine at their pharmacy.

     Sunday he made up the sofa bed & I spent the day downstairs & we caught up on some tapes.  I kind of drifted in & out from the medicine.  Carole stopped by on there way to work (her babysitter lives over on Edwin).  I felt a little better about the codeine after talking with her.  I can't remember who called when but the ones who did call were Jill Lowell, Kathy & Mercedes.

     I was gradually increasing the time between doses but had to take some to sleep at night.  I didn't have a lot of nightmares like I expected.  I had one pretty bad dream about Mom having a heart attack & insisting on driving us all to the hospital & she was driving very recklessly.  Nothing like the nightmares about the first baby, but bad enough.

     Guy had to go to work that Monday.  He said he'd try to get off early but he wasn't able to.  I got up & ate breakfast with him & came back to bed.  He left the sofa bed out so I could stay down there to let Chief out.  

     Oh, he'd put the gate up overnight to keep Chief in the kitchen because Sunday he discovered a hold in the carpet next to the dining table.  There were a few fibers laying around, still intact.  He must have pulled them out with his teeth and eaten most of them.  It was about a 1 inch, almost perfectly circular bare spot - the backing was still there cause you couldn't see the padding.  We haven't gotten around to patching it yet.

     I just took it easy all day Monday & Tuesday.  Wednesday I had appointments all afternoon.  Guy thought he'd have the afternoon off because of a small security exercise they were doing that morning.  But we'd made plans in case he didn't get home in time.  Barb took me to the drs' office & I was supposed to call & let her know whether or not I needed her to come pick me up.

     I had an ultrasound at 2:00, non-stress test at 2:30, Dr. Rand at 3:00 & Marian McCoy at 3:30.  Everyone was running behind.  I told them at the front desk that Guy was supposed to meet me there & they said they'd send him back when he got there.  After the girl did the drs' part of the ultrasound, she called to see if Guy had shown up & he hadn't.  She was training a new girl & had her do the part for our tape.  But I found out she'd had the tape on the whole time.

     Anyway, it was harder to tell what was what because she was so big, she more than filled up the screen.  They still say it's a girl.  And they figured her weight to be 5 lbs. 11 oz.  They also said her head was down.

     Teri weighed me while I was waiting for the non-stress test & I'd gained 2 3/4 lbs!  Exactly the same as the week before. I was really surprised & relieved about that.  I was afraid I'd lost some because of hurting my back.

     It was the little humpbacked nurse that did the non-stress test again this time.  She's just not very friendly.  She didn't say how it went but Dr. Rand said it was ok.

Sat., March 23, 1991
     It wasn't long before they called me to take my vital signs.  While I was doing that and explaining my symptoms, they had Guy filling out the paperwork.  Then the lady was ready to take me back & she said she'd bring Guy back there as soon as they settled me in & he finished with the paperwork.  But she didn't.  I kept asking for him every time someone came in.
     I was on a gurney in a space partitioned off by a curtain around the side & front.  I guess I was on the end since one side was a wall.
     There weren't any pillows and when I asked for one they said there weren't any at all.  They raised the head up but I couldn't lean back cause it hurt too much.  So I just sat on the side with my legs hanging over the edge.  Every time I started wheezing and had to cough I had to just twist my arms around and try to hold the spot.  And it hurt so bad I would moan and holler every time.
     I think the lady resident was the first one who came.  Then someone came to take blood from my arm.  I'd asked at one point to go to the bathroom & asked if they wanted a specimen.  They said to wait & then this girl came & said she was supposed to get a specimen with a catheter.  I asked why couldn't I just go to the bathroom & she said she didn't know.  She said I'd have to lay down & I told her I didn't know how long I'd be able to do that & she said it wouldn't take too long. 

"Well, things went from bad to worse."

Thursday, March 21, 1991
     Guy had Friday afternoon (3/15) off because of having duty weekend.  We went to the library & I got a couple of books on breastfeeding.  We went to the 2nd hand baby store near the dr.'s office - Rock-a-bye Baby and to the CHKD Thrift Store.  There wasn't much baby stuff at the thrift store but the other one had a pretty good selection of new & used stuff.  We didn't buy anything though.
     I forgot to mention that the previous Sat., 3/9, we'd gone looking at video cameras.  Someone had told Guy that they were on sale at the Navy Exchange so we went there first.  They were having a closeout sale & you had to take them 'as is'.  They all didn't have accessories or instruction books and none had cases.  The one we liked was $718.00.  We also looked at Circuit City and Sears.  We narrowed it down to two at Sears but decided to wait & think about it some more.
     We were leaning more toward the ones at Sears but were trying to figure out how to pay for it.  We figured up our federal income tax & we're only getting about $470 back. (We haven't done the state tax yet cause they sent us the wrong form.)  One camera was $699.99 & one was $799.99.  We debated back and forth all week then kind of decided at the last minute.  There had been a Sears sale book in the mail and there was a coupon for 10% off any regularly priced merchandise in the store - on Fri. & Sat. only.  So we went to Sears and got the $799.99 camera plus a year's maintenance agreement.  We wanted to put it on VISA because the interest is lower but they don't take that anymore.  They had to approve us for a Sears Charge Plus account.  That was no problem because we always pay more than the minimum due and are so far ahead.  It came to $895.55.  The maintenance agreement was $137 & includes as many cleanings as you want.  I forgot how much the payments will be but we didn't really have much choice.
     We tried it out that night.  There were two books with it - one was simplified instructions & one was bigger.  I was surprised & happy that he did that.  I read the small book & started on the big one.  Guy taped me and Chief for awhile then I taped them.  The camera was heavier than it was in the store, probably because it didn't have the battery or a tape in it at the store.  When I use it I'll have to put some extra padding on my shoulder.
     The battery that came with it is an hour one.  We hope to get a spare one sometime.  They cost about $70.  Guy said he wants to tape a lot of me while I'm pregnant.  Even my tummy when the baby's moving around, and my poked-out belly button.  It should be fun I guess but I don't know if I'll want to send that home for everyone to see.  
     As I said, Guy had duty weekend and I was supposed to spend the day working in the front bedroom.  He had told me not to worry about doing too much cause my back/side was bothering me.  Well, things went from bad to worse.
     I woke up coughing at 1:30 in the morning Fri. night (3/15).  It was my usual hacking, trying to get something up and all of a sudden, with one cough I had this horrible pain where the sore spot was and it felt like something moved.  It felt like I remember from when I coughed and tore some cartilage on the left side of my breastbone several years ago.  Just like then, I couldn't take a deep breath without feeling a sharp, excruciating pain and to cough was a hundred times worse.  But I was wheezing so bad cause I couldn't breathe enough that I had to cough.
     Guy said it was my scream that woke him up.  He helped me sit up & came around to my side of the bed for me to lean on to cough.  I tried to explain to him what was going on & he would hold a pillow against my back when I coughed.  It helped some I guess but I was still in extreme pain.  I told him something was wrong and to call the dr.  He asked which one.  I asked if he thought they'd try to get Dr. Baker if we went to PNH & he said no so I said to call Dr. Rand's answering service.  I wasn't sure (still not) if that's just his service or for all the drs. but it so happened he was on call and was at the hospital for a delivery.  It took a few minutes for him to call back.  I think he suggested to call Dr. Baker but Guy explained to him how it would be if we went to PNH & he said to go ahead to the emergency room at NGH & he'd let them know I was coming & what tests to do.  It took awhile for me to get dressed then Guy let Chief out & tried to calm him down again before we left.  It was 2:45 when we signed in at the emergency desk.  Its a good thing we weren't going to PNH cause the drawbridge was up & traffic was backed up (even at that hour!).

"That took me by surprise."

Tuesday, March 19, 1991 (Part 2)
     Mon. 3/11 I had another non-stress test & saw Dr. Lehew.  It was a different girl who did the test this time.  She wasn't as friendly as Bonnie.  She just strapped on two monitors and sat in front of the monitor where I couldn't see it and read through my whole chart.  And we did this test for over 30 minutes.  When she did talk she asked if I'd been having any Braxton-Hicks contractions & I told her 2, sometimes 3 times a day but not every day.  She told me to tell the nurse.
     When the nurse called me to check my weight & blood pressure she asked if I'd told the girl I was having the BH's every hour!  I told her it was 2-3 times a day, not an hour but I don't know if I might have said hour instead of day or the girl just wasn't paying attention.  Anyway, she said they'd do a pelvic exam to see if I've started dilating any.  So then I started worrying about that.  But at least my weight was up - 2&3/4 lbs.!  I was relieved about that.  But it was on a different set of scales so it might not really have been that much.  But I'm sure I gained at least most of that much.  Dr. Lehew was very nice.  He said I haven't dilated any yet.  I asked him at what point of frequency should I let them know about the BH's.  He said if they come every 15 minutes or so for an hour to call & let them know.
     Tues. 3/12 Guy had to go in for shooting practice.  He was finished by lunch so he was home in plenty of time to go with me to see Dr. Baker.  I'd written a note and put a picture of myself in to leave for Dr. Lazarus cause she should be back soon.  I left it with Joann.  Dr. Baker said I sounded fine & seemed to be doing fine as fas as my CF was concerned.  I told him my main complaints were wheezing when I'm on my left side, my ears are always stopped up, & I'm always having to blow my nose.  He didn't listen to me while I was laying down like I wanted.  He did prescribe me some nose spray though - the same stuff Dr. Lazarus gave me once.  I didn't like it cause it ran down my throat and tasted awful.  It still does that.  But he said it would take 2-3 weeks to see any results.  I also got a new prescription for sudafed & my tobramycin.  I'd called the week before and had to leave a message for Commander Godbout that I'd be in on that date with a new prescription.  She had it all ready for me.  Because the line at the window was so long I asked if she could get the sudafed & nasalide for me too.  She told me to come back in 20 minutes.  I went to the waiting room & Guy ran up to McDonald's & got me a Sprite.  I had some raisins in my purse & ate some of them & on the way home I had a little Butterfinger that was also in my purse.  By the time we got home I was tired enough to take a nap.  I tried laying on my right side first but if felt like I had a sore spot.  I just turned over & didn't think much more about it.
     Wed. 3/13 I had an appt. with Marian McCoy.  She weighed me at a 2 lb. gain.  That was on the usual scales so it may have been more accurate.  She said I didn't need to keep a diary again since I was doing so good.  I'm glad cause that really gets to be a nuisance. 
     Thu. 3/14 Guy had an appt. at PNH to see the surgery unit about a knot in his arm.  It's bothered him off & on but has been making his whole arm hurt lately.  They said it could be a hardened fat deposit affecting a nerve & gave him some kind of anti-inflammatory medicine to take for a month.  He's supposed to go back if it doesn't help.  He took one tablet before he left there & started getting drowsy so he came on home instead of going back to work.  I think we both took a nap that aft. but I'm not sure now.
    Olan Mills had called a couple of nights earlier & we were supposed to let them know if we wanted their offer or not.  They called back the next night & we said we would and they were supposed to send someone with the certificate on Thu. night.  We paid 19.95 to get 3 - 8x10's & 1 - 11x14, one at a time at 3 month intervals.  I figure we'll order more pictures to send to everyone of the baby.
     My side/back was starting to bother me more & I had Guy look at it to see if I had a bruise but he couldn't see anything except maybe a little swelling.  It was right on the 2nd rib from the bottom, on the right, about halfway between my backbone & my side.  It was very sore to the touch and hurt some when I coughed so I decided I must have pulled a muscle but I wasn't sure how because I didn't think I'd been coughing that hard.
     I was awake Fri morning (3/15) when Guy got up (as usual).  When he came to bring me some milk he said Sue had called twice & left messages on the machine the night before.  He told me to try & call her before she left for work & I did a little before 8:00.  I was afraid it was something about Mom but it wasn't.  (We'd turned the phone off when we took a nap & forgot to turn it back on when we went upstairs.)  She said she'd been thinking about me since we talked last weekend (I'd called her the previous Sun. aft. to ask advice about video cameras & we talked over 30 minutes) and thought she'd like to come see us.  That took me by surprise.  I asked if she wanted to come help take care of the baby or come before that.  She said she wanted to see me pregnant.  She said she had to call & confirm her flight by 6:00 Fri. night & I thought she said she'd call us back & let us know for sure but we haven't heard anything else from her.  She said it would be from April 18-22.  I told her the baby might come while she's here.  She said that would be ok.  It would be nice if she was here when the baby comes.

"...the baby was doing fine..."

Tuesday, March 19, 1991 (Part 1)
     When we got back home from the wedding reception there was a message on the machine for Guy saying that security duty was secured (done) & he was to muster at 9:00 Monday.  That meant he had to miss my appt. with Dr. Rand and the non-stress test.
     On the 4th, the test went fine, it was fun.  The lady, Bonnie, was nice & friendly.  She held a microphone on my tummy to hear the baby's heartbeat.  There was a monitor with a little heart-shaped light that blinked with every heartbeat and a digital readout of the rate.  She gave me a button to push whenever I felt a movement and the machine registered any movements it felt; both were marked on a graph that also marked the heartbeats.  We did it for about 20 minutes.  She moved around more than she had been during the mornings.  The lady said it was a good test and the baby was doing fine and Dr. Rand said so too.  He also said I'd need to start coming in every week and having this done every time too.  Just because I'm a high-risk pregnancy.
     Tues., 3/5, Guy had already been scheduled to requalify on his night stick.  He was done by lunch & came home instead of going on to SIMA.  I can't remember now but I think we just stayed home & watched tapes.
     Wed., 3/6, he went back to his regular job at SIMA.  It would have been his regular duty day but he wasn't on the schedule for it because they hadn't known when he'd be back.  That's good though because that night was our first Lamaze class.  Wed. was our last choice of nights but that's what we were assigned to.  It's at the dr.'s office so it's nice & close, but it's so crowded.  There were eleven couples - it's in one of the waiting rooms so once we got on the floor it was pretty crowded.  That night we learned a slow breathing pattern and relaxation by tensing up & then relaxing one part of your body at a time.  We did pretty good with the slow breathing.  But it's hard to tense up one part of your body & keep the rest relaxed.  We need to practice more than we have been.
     Thu., 3/7, I went to Piece Goods' customer appreciation day sale.  I got fabric for more pants, 3 tops & a dress/jumper.  Everything came from the remnant tables & cost less than $20.  But I haven't gotten past washing the fabric so far.  I did finish the jumpsuit except for the hem, one top, & almost another top from the fabric I got previously.
     Fri., 3/8, I went to the hospital for the first meeting of the new support group Ann Prescott is starting for women going through a pregnancy after losing a baby.  It went pretty well, even though there were only three of us there - me, Cathy Rudolph, and Margaret - I can't remember her last name but she lost a baby boy, Levi, to toxemia.  Kim Hundley couldn't come because she had the flu.  She'll be confined to complete bed rest soon so I don't know if she'll be able to come any.  Pat couldn't come cause her kids were sick.  She'll probably be there next time.  We decided to meet every other Friday at 10:00.  And we're call the group Expectant Arms.  We talked for about an hour & a half, mostly about how we're feeling emotionally & physically.  We all have a lot of anxiety and hesitations to feel happy & excited about this pregnancy.  I think this group is a good idea.  I just hope I get to go several more times.

"It was hilarious though."

Monday, March 18, 1991

     I'm so far behind I'll use the calendar to go back & catch up on everything.
     Sat., March 2 was Rob Hardison & Gina Ibarra's wedding.  It was nice.  Mark had his usual long-winded ceremony - this one was 45 minutes.  Part of it was interesting - he talked about little incidents of each of them growing up.  It was at a presbyterian church near downtown Norfolk.  It was a big building and it was almost completely full.  They had an organist and a trumpet - that was nice.  The also had everyone sing a couple of songs: A Mighty Fortress and Fairest Lord Jesus.  Some of the words were different from our books.  When they said their vows, both of them said loud & firm "I do!"  Then after they kissed they gave each other a little high five!
     The reception was at the Omni hotel.  It was nice.  Guy let me out & went to park.  We got to see Bud & DeDe Miller and Betty Stephenson.  Also, Fred & Diane Lutz - they were at Granby when we first came here.  She led the ladies Thu. morning class at her house.  They had two boys - the older one is at the Naval Academy now!  When they left here they were transferred to Hawaii but after that they've been in Hampton (or Newport News?) since then.  It was nice to see them again.
     The wedding had been at 10:45 so the reception included luncheon-type stuff.  I ate quite a bit but I eventually got tired and we left before they did.  We got to see their limo when we left though.  We did see them cut the cake and throw the garter & bouquet.  They pulled a good prank about the garter.  Instead of her pulling the dress up to her knees he just reached up under it and pulled out a pair of boxer shorts!  Everyone was wondering if she'd been wearing them the whole time but he finally admitted to having them up his sleeve.  It was hilarious though.
     I don't know what Gina's family thought of all the funny stuff.  They kept a low profile, at least on our side of the room.  There wasn't a receiving line so we didn't get to meet everyone.  I'd met her mother & sister at her shower.
  Her sister's boyfriend caught the garter & I don't know who the girl was that caught the bouquet.  I wish we could've stayed til they left but I was getting too tired.  They went skiing in Snowshoe, WV for their honeymoon.  After they got back, Gina went down to Atlanta to start training for her new job.  I don't know what it is.  She'll be back for Michelle & Bob's wedding on the 30th, then Robbie will move down with her.  I told him I want to buy some artwork from him before he moves & he said he'd see what he could do.  

"I hope I can."

Thursday, February 28, 1991
     I was supposed to have an appointment with Dr. Baker this morning but they called the other day to change it.  I was kind of insistent about getting my blood gasses done & asked if I could get it done at Boone.  They said they don't do it there so I asked if I could come to the hospital & have it done without seeing the dr. & they said ok.  So we went over there first thing this morning.  Actually, the first place we went was to Shoney's for breakfast!  That was nice.
     It hardly took any time to get my blood done & they gave me the results right then.  No one explained them to us though.  At least I'll have it to show Dr. Rand on Mon.
     After we were done there we went to get me some new glasses.  We went to Pearle first because I had a coupon for the second pair free.  They were a lot more expensive than I thought.  I started looking at the cheap frames and the girl was kind of hovering over us til Guy said 'let's talk'.  He said the only way they'd give away a free pair was to charge an arm & a leg for the first pair.  So we decided to go to Lenscrafters. We told the lady there what I wanted (a pair of clear & a pair of sun glasses) and she said how much the lenses would be with my prescription.  We tried figuring up in our heads & thought it was cheaper than Pearle had been.  So I started looking at frames.  It took me forever to decide & when I finally decided on one of them she said that I needed a smaller bridge size so they wouldn't slide down my nose, but she didn't have that style in a smaller size.  She brought some that looked similar but cost twice as much.  But I finally found a couple of pairs I liked that were fairly reasonable.  When she added everything up, even with $30 off the second pair, it was $200.75.  We had decided we'd pay for one pair & charge the other but then decided to go ahead & charge them both.  We can take $100 out of the medical account.  Then there's $70 saved up to go toward Sears, but we're so far ahead on that we can skip a payment.  So that will take care of most of it when the VISA bill comes in.
     Anyway, while we were waiting we went over to the mall and looked around a little and had some ice cream cones.  My glasses were ready when we got back but I had to wait a little bit to get them adjusted.  I'd picked gray lenses for the sunglasses.  Everything looked bluish with them.  And with both pairs, the floor looked like it was in the wrong place, too high I guess.  But things did look clearer.  Once we started home, everything started looking weird.  The colors all seemed brighter, especially the reds and the yellow street signs.  And it seems like the lettering on the signs is jumping out at you.  Looking in the medium distance, things have a kind of 3-D effect.  I guess I'll get used to all this.  The dr. said I should wear these all the time but I'm not going to wear them around the house.
     We came home for a little while, then it was time to go for my appt. with the nutritionist.  I was thinking Guy had been with me to see her before but he hadn't so he got to see Marian.  My weight was the same as Monday.  We explained about Guy's schedule upsetting our eating schedule & she said maybe I should just have my morning snack when he's eating lunch before he leaves, and have my regular lunch later in the afternoon.  I guess that would work - if I would be motivated enough to do it that way.  I have enough trouble getting motivated to fix myself supper when he's not here.  She said I need to try & gain a pound a week now.  I hope I can.  

"Doesn't make sense to me."

Monday, February 25, 1991
     I forgot to mention it when Daddy called.  I think it was two weeks ago Friday.  He said he just wanted to let me know Mom wasn't doing as well.  She's not sick but he said she just sleeps most of the time.  I asked about her weight & he wasn't sure about that.  I think he said the dr. is seeing her twice a week now.  
     After that I started worrying of course.  But I haven't heard anything from him since then so I guess she hasn't gotten any worse.  I told him that if anything was to happen I didn't know if we'd be able to come home.  He said everyone would understand.  But that'd be awful.  
     Yesterday was Guy's birthday - 36!  I gave him a nice card and a subscription to Readers' Digest.  We went to Chi-Chi's for lunch after church (he had the day off).  We had invited Gabrielle last week to go with us but she'd forgotten and said she had to go to work.  So we invited Deanna & treated her.  It was nice.  We saw Carole & the girls there and the Johnstons.  Gabrielle is the new single that we were planning to adopt.  I don't know if we'll get to now though.  She showed up at church last night with an engagement ring.  Chris Hurst is an ensign in the Navy and has been going to Granby for awhile but just placed membership.  They haven't set a date yet.
     I started writing at the dr.'s office this morning.  I saw Dr. Via this time.  He was ok I guess, didn't seem too concerned about anything, even that I'd lost 1/2 lb. since last time.  He said the baby sounded fine.  He did say I should start coming in weekly now.  And that I should have a non-stress test.  I looked it up in "What to Expect..." and it says they hook you up to a fetal monitor and check the response of the baby's heartbeat to it's movements.  It should accelerate immediately after each movement and twice in 20 min. is good.  I just hope she'll be moving around at that hour - 10:00 AM.
     I got home about 12:10.  Guy was in the shower.  He hadn't eaten yet but he heated up some stew he took out of the freezer the other day.  I managed to eat all he gave me, even though he left before I was done.  I was planning on taking a nap this afternoon but ended up working on this little cross-stitch thing for Gayle.  It says 'Rob's Honey-Do Jar' and has 2 little bees and a honeycomb background.  It's for a jar lid.  I've almost got the design done.  The hard part may be putting it together - it's been so long since I've done one.  I need to get working on my skirt tomorrow.
     I've been coughing up a lot of stuff the past week.  I guess the humibid is working.  But since Sat., there's been blood mixed in with it sometimes.  More in the morning, I think.  I'm glad I'm seeing Dr. Baker Thu.  Guy's supposed to have the day off but we got a morning appt. so he could go even if he had to work.
     I remember waking up 2 or 3 times last night but I guess I went right back to sleep.  It's funny but it seems like I'm tireder on the days when I slept well the night before than when I can't sleep or just toss & turn.  Doesn't make sense to me.  

"...this whole experience is going to change our lives forever."

Saturday, Feb. 23, 1991 (Part 2)
     Guy also had Monday off.  We went to Pembroke Mall & saw Dances With Wolves.  It was pretty good.  There were the expected gory scenes but I just looked away as usual.  I knew it was a long movie so I took a pillow with me to use when I got uncomfortable.  It was the one Lori made me in college.  Just the right size & it helped a lot.  I was surprised that I didn't have to get up in the middle of the movie to go to the bathroom.  I went right before it started and only drank part of a small soda.  But I was ready to go when it was over.  The line was too long in the theater so we went around the other side of the mall to the mall restrooms - no lines.  But I was tired by the time we looked around a little.  We went in Upton's looking for maternity clothes but they didn't have any.  I need to get some more hose and another nursing bra or two.
     Dianna called around 5:30 yesterday to tell me that Mercedes has lost the baby.  Glenn had called her from the hospital.  She didn't have any details except that the baby had died and they were giving her something to put her into labor to deliver it.  I plan to take a card to Glenn tomorrow and put Ann's name and number in it for them.  He told Dianna they don't want any calls or visits.  I hope they're open to going to the support group.
     I called Kathy last night to tell her about Mercedes.  She said she'd send a card.  She's been saving some boxes for me from work & said she could bring them over today if that was ok.  I told her as long as it wasn't too early.  She called about 10:30 to see if 11:30 was ok and she & Philip came over.  She'd said we could have her stroller & car seat and asked if we wanted her to bring them over.  I told her that we'd decided to get a new car seat but we would like to look at the stroller.  So she brought it and about half a dozen boxes.  They stayed & visited about an hour.  Chief finally warmed up to them by the time they left.  He played with Philip some.  I don't think I mentioned that Rick is working for Cox Cable as an installer now.  And he quit smoking last fall.  Kathy said he feels better except that he's gained 20 lbs. since then.  She said they're all going on a diet soon.  She looks just the same but Philip's grown some.  
     Back to Chief - Guy was really mad at him this morning.  He pooped on the carpet - twice!  Once by the bookcase & once by my chair in the dining room.  I didn't ever hear him whining last night.  Guy's put the gate up on the kitchen door tonight.  He said it was hard enough poop that it didn't stain the carpet.  I hope it doesn't smell so he'd try it again.  My theory is that it's his food.  He just finished up a bag of dry Cycle food, which took forever because he didn't like it.  I think it just did something to his system and going back to Puppy Chow yesterday, it's cleaning his system out.  Guy's theory is that he's stupid.  He keeps threatening to make him an outdoor dog.
     The past couple of weeks, the baby's movements have been getting stronger.  Sometimes I think I can tell what's her head - it feels like a ball rolling across my tummy.  Guy was really surprised the first time he saw one of her "attacks."  It's usually when I've been in bed & still for a little while.  But she usually quiets down by the time I'm ready to go to sleep.  She usually moves a lot when I first wake up in the morning, while I do my medicine.  Then I just feel her every once in awhile til late aft. when she gets active again.  It's more frequent during the times when I'm still so she usually moves a lot when I'm watching TV in the evening.  It's really fascinating to feel and to watch her moving around.  I think about how tight a space she's in and trying to move so much.  A few times it's hurt when it feels like she's kicking or hitting the top of my cervix or my colon.  Carole had mentioned once that it was painful to get kicked on the cervix so I guess that's normal.  Sometimes she kicks my bladder, making me need to go right away, as if I didn't go all the time anyway!
     Sometimes it's just still hard to believe that this is really happening.  After all these years of hoping and wishing and dreaming (I'd given up on praying) it's just hard to deal with the reality of it sometimes and I wonder am I really ready for this.  Whether or not we get to bring a healthy baby home, this whole experience is going to change our lives forever.
     

"It would be so nice to win!"

Saturday, Feb. 23, 1991 (Part 1)
    Tues., Wed., & Thu. night I slept better than I have in a long time.  I remember waking up a time or two each night and looking at the clock but apparently went right back to sleep.  I slept an average of 11:30-7:30 -- eight hours!  It was nice.  We'd get up at 8 or 8:30 eat & get a couple things done before Guy left.  Strange thing was, on the days after sleeping better I felt more like I needed a nap in the afternoon.  Last night it was back to the previous routine.  I just couldn't get comfortable or else was wheezing.  I was awake from 2:48 - about 5:00.  But we didn't wake up til 9:30 or so.  I just dozed on the couch for a little while this aft. 
     I need to back up & fill in on what all's been going on.
     Deanna brought my dress over after work one day week before last but I didn't get started on it til this past Wed.  The top is done as of last night.  I want to try & add pockets to the skirt but haven't gone through my scraps yet for thinner fabric.  She cuts things weird.  It's velour & everything was cut with the nap running up instead of down.  And she cut the notches into the seam allowance instead of away from it.  I didn't have any problems with that except that when I was putting the waistband/tie on the top, all the notch cuttings end up being on the wrong side.  I just folded it over & transferred the notches by marking them with chalk.  I shouldn't complain cause it was a big help having her cut it out for me.  I should have it finished in time for Rob & Gina's wedding -- a week from today.
     Guy took me to Quilt Works for their big fabric sale on the 13th.  The discount depended on how much fabric you purchased.  I got about 10 yds. total & it was 25% off.  Still spent over $40.  Guy didn't seem too upset.  I got fabric to make the cover, etc. for a baby basket, a diaper stacker, and bumper pads.  It's mostly the fabric that's the quilt backing.  I got extra of it because the bolt was almost empty.  I've been working on the quilt when I watch TV downstairs & have all the quilting done.  When I cut the batting even with the top I discovered that the backing was pulled up unevenly.  It looks ok on the back but especially on one corner, there's not enough to turn over the front and the opposite side had lots extra.  I'll have to cheat and add extra fabric to the short part.  I'll take it to the store to show Charlotte when it's done to see what I did wrong.
     Last Sat. Guy had the day off and we spent some time working in the front bedroom.  He put all the xmas stuff back in the attic and we basically got the day bed mostly cleaned off.  Now it's got stuff to be ironed on it.  But I feel like we've made a little progress.
     I entered a contest in Women's Day for having your bedroom redecorated.  You had to send in some pictures of the room and an essay describing your problems & ideas for solutions.  I was really going to town writing and when I counted the words I was way over the limit of 250 or less.  So I had to really cut it up to get it down to the right length.  I'll probably only get 4th prize: a decorating book.  The winners are supposed to be notified by May 15.  It would be so nice to win!
     Tues. night was Michelle Forsythe's bridal shower at Gayle's.  She liked my present.  I got a heart-shaped gathering ring, put fabric strips around it in roses & white, then cross-stitched their names & date on a rectangular "stuff & puff" and hung it in the center of the heart, put white & rose ribbons of different sizes in a bow in the center top & put a plastic ring on the back for hanging.  It turned out very nice if I do say so myself.  Since Guy was working I drove myself over there -- no problem. 

"...the baby...will need something of her own to collect."

Tuesday, Feb. 12, 1991 (Part 2)


     I called Ann Prescott today to let her know how we're doing and find out how everyone else is.  She said that last night Cathy Rudolph missed for the first time.  And that Brigett hasn't come since xmas.  Dec. 28 was her anniversary date & she told Ann that since then she's felt much better & feels she's ready to go on & doesn't need the group any more.  Kim & Ron are pregnant again but haven't been to the group lately.  I told her if she talks to them again to give Kim my number to call me.  
     Ann asked if I would be interested in a daytime group for women going through pregnancy after a loss. I said sure.  She said she'd ask the others & let me know if it happens.  Also, Jeffrey, the chaplain, isn't working with the group any more.  At one meeting he told someone who was expressing a lot of anger toward their doctor that they needed psychiatric help.  He also made some other comments at the same meeting (she didn't say what) and she had several complaints from people saying they wouldn't be back because of what he'd said.  So she told him that it just wouldn't work out for him to stay with the group.  She's not really looking for anyone to take his place, that if she got someone else it would be someone who has either been through a loss of their own or has experience working with people in these situations.
     I've been sleeping about the same - waking up around 4:00 or 5:00 either because A) I need to go to the bathroom, B) my hip is aching so bad, or C) I'm wheezing or coughing.  I am still wheezing quite a bit on my left side and every once in awhile on my right side.  I am better than I was while I was sick but I'm not quite up to par again yet.  Now that I'm in the last trimester though I probably won't get back up to par for a LONG time.  
     I've kept putting off getting started on a new dress for Rob & Gina's wedding next month.  It's the one I was fixing to start on when I had the miscarriage & had put it away.  I'd decided to make it to wear for our anniversary but just didn't get to it.  Then I decided to do it for the wedding & got all the pattern pieces ironed & looked over the directions.  Once I saw that most of the pattern had to be laid out on a single layer & flipped over, I started dreading it and putting it off.  I thought about calling Jan Faulkner to see how much she'd charge to cut it out for me.  But I thought how much of a hassle it would be to get it to her & back.  So I decided to see if Deanna Oliver could do it for me.  She said she'd do it for nothing so I took it to her at church Sun.  She's going to bring it by after work when she's done - one day this week.  Hopefully, sewing it won't be too hard.  It didn't bother me sewing the pillow for Rob & Gina.
     I went to a coupon sale at Piece Goods last week.  I'd already gotten a pattern for maternity jumpsuit, pants, blouse, & top.  I got fabric for the pants & jumpsuit and 2 tops.  I'd picked out fabric from the remnant table for the blouse but there wasn't a piece big enough.  I'd taken the pattern & directions out of the envelope or I could have laid it out to see how much I'd need off a second piece.  But I had to put it back.  With the fabric, plus fabric for Michele Forsythe's wedding shower present, plus some DMC and a few odds & ends, I spent $45, about $15 more than I'd planned.  I'm going to Quilt Works' fabric sale tomorrow to get fabric like the quilt to make other stuff for the nursery.  I'm afraid it'll still be expensive on sale.  But hopefully not as expensive as buying everything in a store.  Oh, we finally decided on a theme last night - hearts.  I think even Guy expected me to want bunnies.  But I figure I'll still be collecting rabbits and the baby will eventually get them anyway that she'll need something of her own to collect.  

"Am I really ready for this?"

Tuesday, Feb. 12, 1991 (Part 1)
     Yesterday we saw Dr. Rand and had another ultrasound.  The girl said I'm right at 30 wks.  My due date is April 22, a Monday.  At first she said the baby was breech & I thought 'oh no, I don't want to have to have a c-section.'  I asked if it was too late for it to tun around before delivery & she said 'no, there's plenty of time.'  I had gained 3/4 lb. since last time, not bad considering I'd lost some while I was sick.  I was hoping to at least break even.  Then she was talking about how much the baby was moving & I asked where the head was and she said, 'well, it was down & now it's over here - wait, she just flipped over to the other side.'  So no telling how she'll end up.  Yes, she did say it's a girl, not from looking between the legs but she showed us the vagina.  I asked Guy later if he could tell what she was talking about & he couldn't either.  Maybe when we look at the tape again.  She said the baby's weight was 3 lbs 8 oz.
     I was thinking about what she said about the baby moving around so much.  I asked Guy last night if that would make it more likely for her to get the cord tangled up.  He said I shouldn't start worrying about that & that I'm thinking that things are going too well, & that "something" will go wrong.  He's probably right.  I told him the other night that I didn't want to complain but sometimes I feel like I wish it was over.  But then I also think 'am I really ready for this?'  Our lives will never be the same again.  But if something were to go wrong I know I'd be devastated.  I just seem to have such mixed feelings about it any more.  There's so much to do to get ready for a baby, I don't know if we can have the room ready in 10 wks.  And what if she comes early?  If only Guy could get some time off.  But he's got to save it for when the baby comes.  This evening shift just doesn't give us enough time for much more than the bare necessities.  And sometimes not even that.  So I don't know when he's going to be able to help me get the nursery ready.  
     I called Mercedes Hitchcock last night.  She wasn't at church Sun. & I knew she was having an ultrasound yesterday too.  Guy said Glen had said he made her stay home cause she was really tired.  Well, that's not the whole story.  She's been ordered to stay on complete bed rest.  Friday she lost all her amniotic fluid.  Her cervix is still closed & the babes still alive but there's no guarantee.  She said that she's still producing amniotic fluid & has to wait & see if it builds back up or continues losing it.  Dr. Berenger told her that somehow her membrane ruptured & that sometimes they can heal themselves & sometimes they don't.  I asked if he gave her any kind of time frame that it should heal up & she said no.  She's supposed to go back next Mon. unless something else happens between now & then.  She didn't sound too optimistic - I think she's resigned to the fact that she'll lose this one too.  I really didn't know what to say.  I asked if I could bring her something to read & she said she's got magazines piled up that she can read.  She said Glenn's taking good care of her.  I said I'd call later this week to check on her.  I meant to call Dianna at the office today to ask her to be sure & call me if anything happens cause I don't think Glenn would call us.  I don't know what to do if she loses it.  I'd want to go see her but she might not want to see me.  I know when I had the miscarriage I didn't want to see any pregnant women, especially the ones I know.  It just wouldn't be fair for her to lose this one.  She's already lost two.  Hopefully she would be willing to try going to Empty Arms.  But I truly hope it doesn't come to that.  

"Now that the baby is getting bigger I think it's starting to press up on my diaphragm"

Tuesday, Feb. 5, 1991 (Part 4)
     Academy started sending us letters around the holidays saying they weren't paying any more on any fertility claims because of a one-year limit on any one illness.  Neither of us remembered anything about that so I looked up the policy & sure enough, that's what it says.  But they were basing the date on the charge that was put on our account by mistake in July '89.  Our treatments began in Sept. '89.  We went back & forth with them for awhile & finally they sent us a letter saying they were going back to a date in Dec. '85 as when we first had claims for fertility treatments.  I haven't looked it up but that's probably when we first saw Dr. Berenger.  So they said that ever other year from that date are the times they've paid & will pay for anything having to do with fertility.  Thankfully that covers all the treatments at the Jones' Institute.  But now I'm afraid they'll come back & say they paid some claims they shouldn't have and want the money back.
     Guy went to sick call one day last month and had his blood sugar checked.  They said it was borderline & to come back in a month.  He also asked them about a knot he's been feeling in his left arm--above his elbow on the inside.  They gave him an appt. at PNH on the 16th to have that checked but he had to cancel that when the ASF got activated.  He had hoped that it or his blood sugar would keep him from having to go to the Persian Gulf.  Hopefully he won't have to worry about that now though.  I figured it out on our anniversary that the reason he'd been "going off his diet" for the past few months was to see if his blood sugar would go up enough to keep him from being sent over.  He'd been telling me that he was working on a plan to keep from going but that if it backfired he might get kicked out of the Navy.  I'd imagined all sorts of horrible things so I was relieved to find out what his plan was.  I don't know when he'll be able to go back for another blood check or to have his arm checked.
     Yesterday was the first time I'd been out with Chief for quite awhile.  We went to the mailbox.  He did so-so.  Guy hasn't had time to work with him lately.  He's wanting to go running with him in the mornings while he's on the eve watch but hasn't yet.
     Ever since we went to the mailbox yesterday I've had this pain in my right side off & on, mostly off, like a stitch from walking or running too much.  It was hurting again after going to the commissary this morning so I guess it's just from overdoing.  It's getting harder to get comfortable, not only to sleep but just even sitting on the couch.  Now that the baby is getting bigger I think it's starting to press up on my diaphragm.  It's easier to breathe laying on my right side because I don't wheeze but it seems like it's harder to take deep enough breaths.  When I lay on my left side I can breathe deeper but I'm still wheezing quite a bit on that side.  Sometimes I can lay flat for a little while but I usually have to prop up one way or another.  If we do my therapy just before I go to sleep I just stay on my pillow(s) as long as I can.  But then my neck starts hurting.  We put that quilted snuggle bag on my side of the bed & also got the inflatable neck pillow to use.  Sometimes they help, sometimes they don't.