"I wanted to tell her to be sure & say hello to our baby when she got to Heaven."

Sunday, June 14, 1992

     Not a whole lot has happened since Tues. Sometimes the days just all seem to run together. We'd wanted to go to a movie yesterday since we had to cancel going last week. But we couldn't find anyone to babysit. I called Jennifer Leland & her roommate but night one of them could keep her. I called Gayle Harrison & left a message for her with Robbie and left a message on Mary Sembra's machine. Neither one of them called back. This morning Mary said she didn't have a church directory so she didn't have our number. I didn't say it on the machine cause I figured she had it. I didn't get a chance to talk to Gayle today but asked Robbie if he'd given her my message & he said he thought he had. Anyway, Guy said he thought Ez. would do ok so he convinced me to take her with us. She did pretty good. We took plenty of snacks & juice. She got a little fidgety toward the end but we didn't have to take her out any. After that we went to Children's Palace. Now every thing's 30% off. We got some stuff for xmas. Busy Beads, 2 See & Say's, I can't remember now what all. We also got some things for now: a toilet lid lock, books, a car seat protector mat, a stove guard to keep her from reaching the burners, some onesies. I wanted to get some poppin' pals but they didn't have any Sesame Street ones. (That's the thing where you push a button, pull a lever, etc. and each one pops a door open with a character in it.) Things are started to look a little picked over in the store.

     We thought Ez. would take a nap on the way there but she didn't. She was one tired puppy but the time we came home. Guy put her down for a nap but she wouldn't go to sleep. We ate supper & he gave her a bath then she played for a little bit & went right to sleep when Guy put her down.

     Oh, we stopped by Walmart to pick up a roll of developed pictures: her birthday & Easter, misc. pix of her, & the Expectant Arms reunion.

     Oh, Guy had Fri. aft. off. He'd planned to spend the aft. painting out back but he hadn't gotten much sleep Thu. night (on the ship) and decided to take a nap. He did do a little painting Fri. evening & Sat. morning. I think he got the windows (downstairs) and the door frame done. He'll have to get an extension ladder to get the upstairs windows & trim and chimney trim done. Hopefully he won't have to repaint it before we move. He may have to do the front again—it's been two years since we did it. The hard part in back (besides the high stuff) is going to be the door frame where Chief scratches to be let in.

     We had to go to church early tonight for a meeting the elders had with the "silver marrieds". They need a better term for it than that. They also have the young marrieds and the golden marrieds. Anyway, they were looking for input & ideas of what the congregation is & isn't doing right. We had to fill out a kind of questionnaire and also one for visitation. I said I'd assist in visitation for visitors and chronic absentees.

     We've started leaving Chief loose overnight & when we're gone. We keep the dining room blocked off though. I kinda hope if he's loose he'll make some sort of noise if someone tries to break in. He was barking Fri. morning but we didn't figure out til later that it was because a cat or something was trying to get into the trash bag on the front porch.

     Oh, we found out at church this morning that baby Kayla Walker died last Sun. evening. She was just three days shy of being three months old. I feel so bad about it. I'd wanted to hold her but I never could get the nerve to ask. I wanted to tell her to be sure & say hello to our baby when she got to Heaven. And I never got the chance. I wonder if they'll try to have more children. Since it's an inherited syndrome they may not. They're so young. At least they look pretty young.

"Sometimes it seems like everyone is doing their best to make my life more complicated."

Tuesday, June 9, 1992

     Well, Fri. night went about like I'd predicted. Ez. slept til about 11:30 then didn't sleep for any length of time except when one of us was holding her, until about 4 or 4:30 in the morning. I got maybe 2 hrs of sleep. Her fever only came down gradually but it was finally back to normal by late Sat. aft. & she started perking up instead of being so grumpy. She even climbed up on the couch for the first time. I don't know if I've written that she climbed up in Chief's chair one day last week, whenever Guy's duty night was. Anyway, she does that all the time now. She practises standing & sitting. She's only fallen once—through the side, bottom first. Chief's not too pleased with this new development so I try not to let her do it too much when he's around.

     Anyway, Guy had duty Sun. & I stayed home with Ez. just to be sure she was ok and in case she was still contagious. I can't remember now what time she woke up, I just remember I went back to bed when she went down for a nap and Guy called & woke me up. I checked her temp. 2-3 times Sun. & it was normal so she didn't have any more Tylenol. She slept ok Sun. night except for every once in awhile she kind of moaned. The first couple of times, I checked on her & she was still asleep. I'm not sure what it was all about.

     She had a rough time going to sleep last night. Sometimes it seems like the night after duty nights is harder on her than duty nights. She's so glad to have Guy home again that she doesn't want to let him go at all, especially when he's the one putting her to bed. Last night she cried & cried. He went back a couple of times & she'd go to sleep until he put her down. Finally I went in cause I could tell he was getting frustrated. She was standing up and kind of gasping between crying and she was shaking all over. Her legs felt cold. I checked her diaper then rocked her & talked to her a little bit. I got up when she started squirming around & swayed her a little bit. She was almost asleep but as soon as she felt me moving to lay her down, she started fussing. So I swayed her a little bit longer & talked to her a little bit & laid her down. She started to fuss but I patted her bottom & whispered to her a little bit. I made sure she had enough pacifiers and a burp rag & Snuggle Bunny. She looked at me when I was going out the door and I went kissy & left & thank goodness she went on to sleep.

     Tonight was my turn to put her to bed. I read her a couple of books first & she was really drowsy when I was singing. She started squirming so I laid her down. She started crying & tried to get up. As soon as she stood up I laid her back down & when she tried to get up I puller her feet down so she couldn't get up on her knees & started patting her bottom. I made sure she had all her stuff & told her to go to sleep—"good night & sweet dreams" and blew her a kiss as I went out the door. She started crying but I decided to give her 10 minutes. The crying very gradually got less but it lasted for almost 20 minutes. I did check on her twice but she was laying down both times and didn't see me so I didn't go in. So far, so good.

     She did have a rough day today though. Guy had the day off to go with me to PNH. It was my first appt. with my new pulmonary dr., Dr. O'Neil. It was at 1:00 but we had to go to Boone to get my records so we left at 11:30. Ez. woke up at 7:30 but wouldn't go down for a nap til nearly 10:00 so she didn't get much of a nap. It was nearly 2:00 before we saw the dr. & she was getting fussy by then. We'd taken a little bit for her to eat but not really enough cause we figured we'd be to McDonald's by 1:30. We'd seen the dr. come in, apparently from jogging, at 1:10. Then he never came out of his office. At 1:50 I finally went down to the desk & talked to a corpsman. She went down to his office then said he'd call me soon. He said no one had told him I was there and he didn't know he had any apps. That's strange because he's the one I talked to when I called to make the appt. Anyway, he apologized profusely. He seems pretty young—maybe late 20's-early 30's. I guess he's ok. We talked for 20-30 minutes then he listened to my heart & lungs. He didn't say much about that & I can't read his writing.

     We finally got settled in at McD's about 3:00. Guy went down to turn in my new prescription for saline solution and pick up my Tobra. When we got my saline Guy went to get the car cause it was raining. I'd called in the refill for my Pancrease there but you have to go to a different building for refills now. We'd only done it there once before and the building wasn't even there today. We drove around looking for it but didn't even see any signs. So we went back to the hospital & I ran in to the pharmacy to get directions. It's not even on the base. It's at a place called Scott Annex, along the way I go when I take the long way around when I'm by myself. It had a drive thru and the lady couldn't find it. She took my empty bottle & said they'd fill it now if we'd wait there. Then a man came and said they didn't have enough, did I want what they had & I said yes. He told us to park & come inside. Guy was still upset from the dr. & not being able to find this place and that really set him off. He wouldn't let me go in; he went in & I think he told them off. I was afraid to ask. At least Ez. was asleep by the time we left the hospital base. She slept til we were almost home.

     We got a notice today that our wills are ready to sign. The catch is, you have to call at 8:00 on a Mon. to make an appt. for a week from Friday! And they only have apps. from 8:30-1:30. I don't know why the Navy has to make everything so complicated.

     Oh, we got a notice Sat. that our homeowners insurance was going to be cancelled 6/21 cause it hadn't been paid by the mortgage co. We called the mort. co. & left a message on their "voice mailbox?" When I didn't hear back from them by 10:00 I called them again. They have an 800 number. They said the payment was sent on 6/4 (the notice was dated 6/3) and it was late because the bill was late. So I called Mr. Owens, the ins. agent, & he basically said not to worry about it. The notice said we'd get a notification of reinstatement if payment was received by 6/21 so if we don't get that by next week I may try calling the main office myself instead of going through Mr. Owens. Sometimes it seems like everyone is doing their best to make my life more complicated.

     Oh, I think Ez. said mama tonight. She was on the entry while we were getting supper ready. I was checking on her & she was saying yaya over & over & all of a sudden she was saying mama. I called Guy but he didn't hear me before she stopped saying it. And she didn't say it again all night.

     Yesterday was the due date for the first baby. It would've been two. I waited to see if Guy would mention it. He never did. I finally brought it up while we were fixing supper. I just asked said I'd waited to see if he'd say something but since he didn't did he know what yesterday was. It took him a little bit to figure it out but at least he did remember. I don't think of it as often as I used to but I don't think he thinks of it nearly as often as I do.

"I don't really feel right about doing that but I'm sure I'd feel different in the middle of the night."

Friday, June 5, 1992

       I feel really awful. I was so upset with Ez. last night cause she woke up right after we went to bed and wouldn't go to sleep. We didn't know she was sick. She'd been kind of fussy ever since she woke up from her nap yesterday aft. But this aft. when she woke up she felt pretty warm so I took her temperature. I was shocked when it said 102.8 [degrees]! I gave her some Tylenol right away & called the ped. The nurse said to bring her in at 3:45. It was 4:30 before they called us back. She has a viral infection in her throat. Nothing they can do about it. It will probably last 3 days, 3 long days & nights. Her temp there was 101.2 [degrees].

     I don't know what time she finally went to sleep for good. Guy's the one who finally got her to sleep. He did get up once before that & got her a bottle but had me give it to her. I tried everything before that. Even changed her diaper when she only felt kind of wet. Turned out there was a tiny nugget of poop but it had worked its way to the front where I couldn't see it when I checked from the side. I don't know what he did to finally get her to sleep. I was worried about him falling asleep driving cause he'd been up late on duty and had to get up at 3:45. I think he got a couple hours of sleep before getting up the first time. He didn't hear his first alarm (on his watch) this morning. I tried to wake him up but I was barely awake myself. Thank goodness he heard his alarm clock. I woke up around 8:30 & Ez. woke up around 9:00. I was going to try & keep her up til after lunch but she was too grumpy. I gave her some applesauce at 11:30 & she went to sleep at 11:50. She woke up at 12:40 with a messy diaper. That's when I felt her hot & took her temp. We'd planned to go to the commissary this aft. Guy was going to firefighting school yesterday & today & they were supposed to get off at 2:00 today. When he got home & I told him what was going on he said he'd go to the commissary & meet me at the dr's office if we weren't home by the time he was finished putting away the cold groceries. I was watching the intersection from the window in the exam room & saw him go by while we were waiting for the lab results of her blood & throat culture. I figured he'd be there before we left if we had to wait for medicine. But since we didn't, he didn't. He was just fixing to pull out of the driveway when we were coming around the corner. It had started raining when we left the dr's but still wasn't too bad before we got home. Guy said it was pouring when he left the commissary. (It poured here later). Anyway, she was so tired she could barely finish supper. She'd slept a little, from while we were waiting for the lab results til I put her in the car. Guy said we should let her take about an hour nap but we didn't have to wake her up; she slept from about 6:25-7:20. Then she was ready to go to bed by 8:00. We took her temp again—102.1 [degrees]. We gave her some Tylenol at 6:00 so I figured it'd be better by then. If she's awake after 10:00 we'll give her some more. Dr. Karp said she might get a red bumpy rash & to give her Benadryl. I asked if there was anything we could do to help her sleep & she said we could give her Benadryl for that. I don't really feel right about doing that but I'm sure I'd feel different in the middle of the night.

     We'd planned to go to a movie tomorrow but I guess that's out now. Sue Forsythe was going to keep Ez. When I called to tell her we weren't going out tomorrow I asked if she could keep her next weekend and she said they'd be out of town. Oh well.

     Guy said he'd get up with her tonight til 3:00 then it'll be my turn. Now watch me not be able to go to sleep til 2:00 or so.

June 1992

"Oh, I had to call poison control this aft[ernoon]"

Monday, June 1, 1992

     I can't believe it's June already! My Discovery Toys party Fri. night went pretty well. Seven people came. Plus I got several outside orders. I've earned $50 in free toys so far! & still have at least 2 more orders to come! I'll have to decide what I want to get—I know two or three things for sure. But I'll be able to get more than I expected.

     Sat. was a rather boring day cause Guy had duty & it rained almost all day. At least Ez. slept late—almost 9:00. I think it was 8:53.

     Sun. was hectic. Since we were counting on Ez. taking a nap in church, she didn't. She didn't even fall asleep on the way home so we went ahead & fed her when we ate. Then there was just enough time to change clothes & get things together for the Expectant Arms reunion. It went pretty well even though only 3 other families showed up. There were tow that were supposed to come who never showed up and two who were only maybes. I was supposed to call & check on Patty Stallard & Danette Ocegueda to see if they're ok but I just didn't have time. Cathy Rudolph, Anita Rowland, & Kim Hundley & families were there. Kim's twins were adorable. They're not identical but they look alike except one has blue eyes & one has brown. Everyone said they enjoyed it. Betty Martin came too. It was good to see her. I don't know if I want to be in charge again—too much stress & tension! We just had time to come home & changed before leaving for church again. The only sleep Ez. got was on the way to the hospital for the reunion. She might have stayed asleep awhile but when Guy was getting her out of the car another car came by with its radio blaring. She just kind of munched all aft. too & during church so she didn't really have a decent supper. She went to bed with no problem right when we got home. Not five minutes after we went to bed she woke up & wouldn't go back to sleep. I finally gave up & let her cry. I don't remember how long she cried before Guy woke up & went in there. When he got home this aft. he said when he heard her crying & saw me sitting in bed with my arms crossed in front of me he knew it was his turn to get her. It was 1:18 when he woke up & he stayed in there about 45 minutes. He finally decided to let her cry. Then we got to talking, trying to figure it out & decided she was probably hungry. Guy fixed her a bottle & I gave it to her. She gulped it down but didn't go right to sleep. But she didn't fuss when I put her down & we didn't hear any more from her all night (not that there was much night left). She only slept til 8:00 this morning.

     We went to the credit union this morning. It took a whole hour but she did good. She slept from about 12:20-2:45 this aft. & I dozed for about an hour.

     We went out front after supper & I pruned the azalea bushes while Guy watched me and kept an eye on Ez. She was barefoot & skinned one little toe & ankle a little bit on the concrete, not enough to bleed. Hope they do good. We didn't get them done last year cause they were blooming when Ez. was born & we never had time.

     Oh, I had to call poison control this aft. I think Ez. ate some of Chief's dry dog food. I'm not sure if she did or not. She had two pieces in her hand & some crumbs around her mouth and her drool looked a little like the color of his food. She might have just licked it or put it in & spit it out but I didn't want to take a chance. The lady I talked to said that there's really nothing in dog food that would hurt her or cause any side effects. I was really glad.

May 31, 1992