"...I'm glad to finally see some progress."

Monday, March 23, 1992

     We had Daniel Simpson over for dinner yesterday. We "adopted" him after the Pughs left. It's been a long time since we had an adopted single. He stayed til about 3:00 so we had time for a short nap. Ez. didn't sleep during church so she slept all afternoon.

     Yesterday we had our first try-out preacher. Tim Jorgensen from Memphis. I looked him up in my Harding yearbooks–he graduated a year after me. His wife Rebecca is a piano teacher but she's currently secretary at the in vitro clinic at UT med. school. I talked with her at the fellowship after the eve. service. She's 32 & he's 36 & they've only been married four years. They're waiting til he gets out of school to start a family. I assume he's done soon or he wouldn't have applied for the job. He was a good speaker I guess but I want to hear the others before I decide (like it's up to me). They did put some questionnaire sheets in the song book racks asking members what they thought about him. I assume they'll do that every time.

     Ez. slept all night but she was up til after 10:00. We had to let her cry herself to sleep (I did tonight too). We were taping her because she was sitting on the couch with me & Guy was in the kitchen and she grabbed hold of the back cushion and pulled up on her knees to see him. She did it over by her toy basket today but I only saw it once. Maybe she really is going to skip crawling all together. I was beginning to worry about her not pulling up so I'm glad to finally see some progress.

     I got a little more of her dress cut out tonight. Since she slept til 8:30 this morning I didn't put her down for a morning nap. I thought she'd go to sleep right after lunch but she just wanted to play. It was almost 2:30 before she went to sleep then I took a nap too. I woke up at 4:00 & she slept til a little past 4:30. I really should go to sleep but it's just so hard to fall asleep when Guy's not here. If Ez. wasn't here I'd just stay up and watch tv til I fell asleep. I have to watch for a long time to get sleepy so it doesn't help when I don't settle in til 11 or later.

     Oh, Ez's hives came & went all of Sat. and part of Sun. We gave her the Benadryl through Sun. night. Haven't seen any more since Sun. morn. so I guess she's over them now. I'm glad.

"It drives me crazy."

Sunday,  March 22, 1992

     Thank goodness Guy felt ok when we go up Sat. morning. Ez. slept til nearly 8:00. After lunch we went to the mall & looked around. We got Ez. a denim jumper (25% off, Oshkosh) at Sears. They had this new thing set up at the far end of the mall (by Hess). I guess you'd call it a ride. It was an enclosed thing with about 12 seats in it. Guy went on it. It had a screen inside & they closed the whole thing up and it moved around on these "lifts" or whatever. It had an airplane ride & a roller coaster & race car & I forget the other one. Guy said it was ok.

     Ez. enjoyed going around the mall. She was tired cause it was nap time & we figured she'd fall to sleep on the way to Wal-Mart but she didn't til we were almost there. I was tired by then too–I guess from walking around the mall. We had to stop at Farm Fresh on the way home & Ez. & I stayed in the car even though she wasn't asleep. She took a nap when we got home & I tried to but Damion was playing in the back yard next door making too much noise. I'd tried to take a nap that morning when she did but mr. music next door woke me up. In case I have never mentioned it before, the neighbor on the other side practices on his clarinet every night and most of the day on weekends with very few exceptions. I don't know which room he's in but we can hear it in every room in the house. It drives me crazy.

"I hope I haven't made her have allergies for life now."

Friday, March 20, 1992

    It's the first day of spring but yesterday felt more like spring than today does. Elizabeth turned 11 mos. old yesterday. She's still not trying to pull herself up even though she'll stand & hold on to something if you put her there. Hopefully, it'll be like chewing–all of a sudden she'll do it one day. She's getting better at drinking from the cup except she won't do it herself. I decided to give her milk to her only in the cup at lunch, starting day before yesterday.

     The week didn't turn out like I expected. Guy ended up coming home every night. Mon. at 8:00, Tues. at 8:30, & Wed. at about 7:15. Of course that disrupted Ez. every night. With him getting home so much later than usual she didn't get enough time to spend with him. I was putting her to bed early Wed. night & was just doing a final diaper check when he got home. She wouldn't settle for him just saying goodnight. I held her on my lap while he ate so she wanted to eat too. We gave her a couple of crackers. Guy put her to bed every night cause she wouldn't let me once she knew he was home. But last night was worse because he had duty but she was still watching for him to come home.

     I finally had to let her cry herself to sleep while I was doing my medicine. Thank goodness she did. She woke up a little before 5:00 this morning for about 30 min. then slept till 8:00. Oh, last night I decided part of her problem was teething. The bottom left molar started out over a week ago then disappeared & is now trying to come in again. I used Anbesol twice but it didn't last long so I finally gave her some Tempra.

     Since she slept late I was going to keep her up all morning but she was acting really tired so I put her down about 10:00 & it didn't take her long to fall asleep. Now I'm debating whether I should take a nap or not. Guy's supposed to have the aft. off but he'll probably need a nap cause he was on watch til midnight last night.

     Wed. morning Ez. & I went to get our hair trimmed. She did really well. She sat on my lap. I saved the hair in an envelope. She took the tiniest snips from the front and cut the back even all across. No bangs. Don't know how long we'll be able to use the barrettes though. The past few days she's discovered the one on the right and keeps trying to pull it out. I think I'll try just pulling it all straight back on top. Anyways she started getting fussy toward the end when I was getting blow dried. It was getting close to lunch & the only nap she'd had was on the way there–less than 10 minutes. But she did pretty good. For the first time without Guy going with us. I don't think I'll be going back there though. It just costs too much. It's gone from $15 to $17 and they'd told me over the phone that Ez's would be $5. But it came to $23 instead of $22 so I don't know who's was a dollar more. Anyway, you can get a haircut for $10 at Hair Cuttery which is right over her by Farm Fresh. And I may wait til we go home next Thanksgiving to get a perm again.

     I finally got around last night to getting started on cutting out our Easter dresses. But I only got the main part of Ez's cut out. My back gave out & I didn't feel like bringing the stool up here. I guess I should get to work on that now instead of napping. Easter is four weeks away & I'll probably need every minute to get both dresses done.

Later:

     Well, today was pretty much a waste. Guy got home about 11:30 & the first thing he said was "I'm sick." There's been some kind of virus going around the ship all week and it finally caught him. He went right to bed, slept til after 2:00, got up & ate some soup then went back to bed til 5:30. Meanwhile, Ez. slept til almost 12:30. I tried to put her down for a nap between 2:30 & 3:00 but it was nearly 4:00 before she went to sleep & I had to wake her up for supper. When I was reading to her before her nap, I noticed a red place on the left side of her neck & thought she'd scratched herself. She has such sensitive skin the least little rub & her skin turns red there. It was still there a little later & looked larger & like it had little helps in it. I thought it might be hives so I came & looked it up in the book but it didn't wasn't didn't say what to do about it. By the time I went to look at her again it had spread down her jawline to her chin. I figured it was a food allergy but she hadn't had any new foods today. Yesterday she had some yogurt that was mixed berries–blue...straw...boisen...& raspberry. She'd had only blueberries before so it could've been any of the other three. Before I called the per. I took her clothes off to see if there was any other places. There was one in the crease of fat above her left knee on the inside. It had also spread around the right side of her jaw.

     When I talked to the nurse she said it sounded like hives and that it could take up to three weeks to have a reaction like that to food. But since she had that berry yogurt yesterday that was probably it. She said to give her 1 t. of Benadryl four times a day. It could get worse but it should clear up in 24-48 hours.

     By the time she went to sleep & I could go to the store & get back it looked like it was all gone. But while she was eating supper a place came up under her left eye and one like a streak around her left arm from upper to underside around the outside. So I gave her the Benadryl then. She took it fairly well from the medicine spoon. The places went away after supper and I didn't find any more at bedtime.

     When I went to the store I also got some toddler cookies. We'd been giving her vanilla wafers for the past couple of weeks and I looked at the box for ingredients and there's eggs in them. She's not supposed to have eggs before a year. So the hives could be from that. I hope I haven't made her have allergies for life now.

     She had a hard time going to sleep tonight, I think partly because of her molar and partly cause Guy didn't play with her tonight. When it was four hours from when she had the Benadryl I gave her some Tempra. This bottom left molar started coming in last week then disappeared. Now it's sticking way up but it's like it's stretching the gum out & not breaking through. The first one came out really fast. The top right one has two or three points through. The top left isn't even bumpy yet. I just checked the baby book & she's still about 2 mos. ahead in her teething.

"The mind is such a powerful thing I don't think anyone understands it completely."

Sunday, March 15, 1992

     Yesterday I went to take the Red Cross Infant & Child CPR class. It started at 8:30 & was supposed to last till 3:30. I got there about 20 after. It was a long walk to the front of the building from the parking lot in back. The instructions said to stop at the front desk and ask what room the class was in. There were several people standing around and one of them looked like Ruby Hopper from the back. When she turned around it was Ruby. Her employer paid for her to take the class. The instructor wasn't even there yet and there wasn't any electricity in the building. I was afraid they'd cancel the class. The instructor showed up soon & was a man instead of a woman. I had called a couple of weeks ago to request a separate mannequin because the manual said you could if you had a condition that makes you susceptible to infections. The lady (I thought she said she was the instructor) called last Tues. & said they didn't have any extra ones cause she'd just found out about my request. She said if I wanted to wait a month she'd be sure to have a separate one for me then. I told her I'd been wanting to take this class for months and between the class schedule & Guy's this is the first time it's worked out. She said to let her know before Sat. if I changed my mind.

     Anyway, I passed the course & got a card and a patch. I missed one question on the written test. I forgot that on an infant you have to retilt the head & give two more slow breaths. He wasn't too strict on the skills tests. If you remembered at the end what you had forgotten he didn't make you do it again. What all of us forgot most often was calling for help or calling 911. I'm just afraid of panicking and not remembering how to do anything or doing things in the wrong order & making things worse. I plan to keep the book handy.

     When we stopped for lunch everyone left but me & Ruby. She's really a talker. She started telling me about her multiple personalities! She sees a therapist twice a week. She showed me her journal so I could see how the different ones have different handwriting. I asked her how many there were and she said 100, and that there were seven that have already been integrated back into herself. I didn't know what to say. We finished the class around 1:30 and she wanted me to take her home. I called Guy to let him know. She'd planned to ask someone for a ride to the bus stop on Shore Drive but said it was nice I was there to drive her.

     I told all this stuff to Guy when I got home & he wasn't surprised, knowing Ruby. But he didn't really say whether he believed her or not.

     I took a nap, kind of, when Ez. did. Then we got ready to go to the chili supper for Camp Idlewild. By the time we got there (about 10 min. late) there was hardly anything left but chili. It all had beans in it. The salad was gone, the crackers were gone, there was barely enough tea, plenty of dessert. I couldn't eat the chili without crackers. I ate two brownies. Glen & Mercedes were there & as soon as we walked in the door she took Ez. over, for the whole time. They did the cake auction last & Guy asked if I wanted any of them. I said if he could get one for $10. We'd already planned to donate $10 for the dinner. He was sneaky since he was sitting behind me & bid $18 for the last cake-a German chocolate one. I was so upset with him. He said he'd just give them a check for $18 for the cake and the dinner. I still don't think we need a cake around.

     I asked Dianna Landon if she knew about Ruby & she said she did but pointed out that as long as we've known Ruby we've never seen any of these other personalities. She said Bea Dunbar doesn't believe her. Dianna thinks she got it from reading Sybil. I don't know what to think. The mind is such a powerful thing I don't think anyone understands it completely. We were talking about it on the way home and I said something about her growing up in an orphanage & it not being a "church home" so no telling what happened. 

"I told him I'm not ready for this."

Friday, March 13, 1992

     Last Mon. night we went to Wal-Mart. Besides the usual stuff, we got a couple of peek-a-boo books for Ez. & a tape of nursery rhymes & songs. She wasn't as impressed with the books like I was. We haven't played the tape for her yet. I listened to it a little bit. It kind of tells a story & has the songs mixed in. She'll probably only like the parts with the children's voices. Tues. Barb kept Ez. for me while I went to see Dr. Lazarus. I'd planned on taking her with me but the weather was predicted to be stormy that aft.& I knew there was no way I could keep her from getting wet in the stroller. I should've taken her with me cause it didn't rain a drop the whole time I was gone. I kind of lucked out on a parking space. They're in the process of building a parking garage. The previous parking lot is now for staff only and the patient parking is where the admiral's house used to be–they moved it to a different spot. It's only gravel so there's no marked spaces. I had to drive around a bit then happened upon someone leaving a space close to the street by the hospital.

     I had to have PFT's done. It was different from the last time (June '90). There was this booth I had to sit in–about the size of a video game booth. The door was only closed for a couple of the tests. You don't have to put your teeth & lips around a mouthpiece anymore, just put your lips around the cardboard tube. The guy who did it was funny so it wasn't so bad. His leg was in a cast but I didn't find out what happened to it.

     Anyway, Dr. L. said my volume was down 200cc but that could be because of me just getting over this cold. She gave me a prescription for Monistat since I was getting another yeast infection from taking the Cipro. This was my last time to see her. She's transferring to Bethesda Naval Hosp. May 1. She said my new dr. will be Dr. O'Neil. He's currently working ICU so I'm supposed to call at the end of April to get an appt. with him in June. Don't know anything about him. Need to ask Beckey Kinder. She was there Tues. I didn't recognize her at first. She doesn't look too good. Her face is all puffy. I think she's taking some kind of medicine for her kidneys or liver. She's walking with a cane–there's some kind of problem with her knees. She said she just had surgery on her sinuses last week again & is coming down with a cold. We didn't have much time to talk. I need to call her next week.

     Since I didn't know how long I would be (I thought she might make me get an X-ray) Guy was going to pick Ez. up on his way home. I was done by about 2:30 & decided to go pick up my sewing machine. I'd called Mon. & they said it had been ready since Fri. It cost $60 cause the feed had to be replaced. The tuneup went up $10 since the last time–about 2 years ago. I got home about 3:30. I called Barb to ask how Ez. was doing and ask her to tell Guy to come bring Ez. home before he went to take care of Katie. Then I finished printing up the friends' letters. About 4:45 I got a call from Guy saying he just got off the ship. He hadn't called Barb cause he didn't have her number & there wasn't any phone book. So I called to tell her he was just now on his way. I told her she should've called me when he didn't show up. She said she kept thinking he'd be there any time. I'd just assumed he decided to go ahead & take her with him to feed Katie. I apologized to Barb but she said it was no problem. Guy said she was doing fine when she got there. He brought her home then went to take care of Katie while I fed her & fixed our supper. Then he had to leave around 8:30 to go pick Carole & the girls up at the airport. He said it started pouring down rain as soon as they went out of the airport. Katie was very glad to see them & went to her bowl & started eating.

     The ship was out for the day Wed. & Guy would've been home late but he had duty so he didn't come home at all. He did call though, which is difficult to do cause they don't have a direct line to radio. So we didn't get to talk long. I called Sue that night cause AT&T was having a special–11 cents a minute 5-9 pm Mon-Fri. We talked for almost an hour. Harold's doing fine. He takes naps at work when he's tired & they've started a low-cholesterol diet.

     Wed. aft. Ez. & I went to Boone to get my Monistat and some refills I'd called in. She'd slept till 7:10 then wasn't ready for a nap till almost 11:00. She woke up at 2:00 & we went to Boone about 3:00. Thankfully we didn't have to wait as long as I was prepared to.

     Can't remember how late she slept yesterday or how her naps went except she didn't go down for the aft. til 3:10. I was ready when Guy got home to go to Piece Goods for their Customer Appreciation Day sale. I was so glad he didn't have to work late. It wasn't as crowded as last time. I got fabric for our Easter dresses–hot pink on white polka dots for her & white on hot pink for me. I got some fabric for some summer things for her and for making her quiet book. I'd hidden away $40 in the books but I spent $65. Guy wasn't quite as upset after I told him about the $40.

     The ship was supposed to be out again today & Guy said not to expect him home before 8:00. But he came home at 1:00. It was too rough for them to do anything. (He got seasick the first time they went out, with help from the others talking about being seasick. It's been four years since he's been to sea–when the Redford went to New Orleans.) Anyway, they were only supposed to be out overnight this coming Mon. but now that's been changed to Mon-Thu. And he's got duty on Sun. & Thu. so we won't see him from tomorrow night till Fri. night. Maybe Fri. aft. I told him I'm not ready for this. I was prepared for him to be gone two nights but not for five. He said there's nothing he can do about it and that all the other wives would be upset too. I told him that doesn't make me feel any better. It'll be a long week.

     This morning when Guy left he said Ez. was sitting up playing. She must've gone back to sleep soon after he left cause I didn't hear her. I'm not sure if it was last night or another night that she was up two or three times within 30 minutes and by the last time, when she went back to sleep and stayed asleep but I couldn't go back to sleep for two hours. It was hard getting her to sleep tonight. We've taken turns & hopefully she's asleep to stay now. Guy's already zonked out. Hopefully I can get a good night's sleep tonight cause I have to get up early tomorrow morning.

"Then Guy "attacked" me–twice!"

Tuesday, March 10, 1992

     Can't remember what happened Friday. Guy had duty Sat. & it was a kind of long day. Ez. & I went late that aft. to take care of Katie. She'd hardly eat anything. Ez. was scared of her. I put her in Martha's high chair & found some nilla wafers & gave her one of those. That kept her occupied but whenever Katie came near she screamed and/or whined. I put an egg on Katie's food like Carole's note said but she only ate the nuggets the egg was on. She did eat the milkbones I gave her. But she kept going back to her spot in the living room so I gave up & left.

     Sat. morning after Guy took care of Katie he came back to bring the house keys so I'd have them that night so he had to come home Sun. morning then go back to take care of her & then come back & change for church. We got there about 9:20.

     Ez. went to sleep in a wink Sat. night, just long enough for me to take a shower & wash my hair. A few minutes after I got done she woke up. It took a long time to get her back to sleep for good–almost 10:00. Of course I couldn't go to sleep till almost 1:00. I'd set my alarm for 6:51 & I sure didn't want to get up. Guy had said he'd be able to take a nap on the ship Sat. aft. so he'd take care of Ez. Sun. aft. so I could take a nap. She didn't take a nap in church so she was ready for a nap after lunch. So we all settled in for a nice long nap. Then Guy "attacked" me–twice! I found out later he was asleep & didn't even remember it. I went back to sleep the first time but couldn't get to sleep again the second time. I got maybe an hour of sleep. I decided to go ahead & get up and work on my "monthly" letter. I got the family ones done yesterday but didn't get the friends' done till today.

     I'm too tired to write any more now.

"It's been a rough week."

Thursday, March 5, 1992

     It's been a rough week. I think Ez's over her cold. My head has cleared up but it's kind of in my chest. The past two nights have been bad. I start wheezing & when I try to cough stuff up it's like it's just below where I can reach it. It made my throat sore again from all the coughing. Night before last I woke up coughing & it eventually woke Ez. up. Last night I was coughing a lot again but she didn't wake up till Guy got out of the shower. She didn't go back to sleep till 6:30 then slept till 9:00. I forget what the times were Tue. night. Anyway, we've just really been having a rough time. I kept her awake till after lunch today & she slept 12:30-3:00.

     I stayed home Sunday morning but went Sun. night. Guy had yesterday aft. off & we went to the commissary. He had this aft. off & I took a nap then he went to take Carole Krebsbach & the girls to the airport to go see her folks in Texas. We're taking care of Katy (their dog) while she's gone. Mike is at sea. She's staying at their house–we have to go feed her and let her out twice a day. The only time I have to go is Sat. eve. cause Guy has duty Sat. I dread it. She'll be back Tuesday. She called Tues. night & said her minivan had been stolen while she was at work. They had a car stolen from the side street at the church building one Sunday night a couple of years (or more) ago. It's hard to believe that could happen more than once to someone. Since Mike's at sea she can use his truck till he gets back. They have two car seats for Martha.

     I got a letter from Philip today. He sent a computer printout with Ez's name, ours, and just the Pulley side of the family. There was another one listing Papa's great-grandfather, his children, their children, etc. down through Ez's generation. It does need a lot of updating though. He said he's trying to verify info & get it all together so I guess I need to wait awhile before I put all this in Ez's book.

     I got her to move kind of sideways forward in her walker today by holding some cheerios in my hand for her to come get. It seems like she might be getting ready to pull up. She grabbed ahold of the edge of the coffee table a few times & moved her lets around but didn't get up on her knees or anything. It may not be long now though.

"Happy Leap Year!"

Saturday, February 29, 1992

     Happy Leap Year!

     I felt miserable when I woke up this morning. My nose was all stopped up & runny on one side all night. Thank goodness Ez. slept all night. I stayed up till almost 12:30 and started waking up at 6:30. Ez. woke up around 7:00. I was expecting Guy home by 7:45 or 8:00 but it was almost 8:45 before he got home. Ez. was ready for her nap soon after breakfast but I didn't have the energy to carry her up the stairs. So I sat her on my lap and sat up one step at a time. Guy got home a few minutes after she went to sleep. I managed to feed Chief but not myself. Guy fixed me toast & bacon–it felt good on my throat. We both went to bed & he said he'd get up when Ez. woke up and to wake him if I heard her & he didn't. When I heard her I told him she was awake & I thought he said ok. But he didn't ever get up so I just went & got her & brought her back in here. He asked why I didn't wake him up & I said I tried. He went ahead & got up with her & I went back to sleep. I don't remember what time it was or when I got up but the neighbor playing his clarinet is what woke me up. He's just about to drive me crazy with that. He plays every night & most of the day on weekends.

     Anyway, I felt a little better after eating some soup for lunch. I decided to go over to Piece Goods. It occurred to me that they should be having their Customer Appreciation Day soon & I wanted to check things out ahead of time. It's on March 12. I looked at the pattern books & decided on what to make for my & Ez's Easter dresses. Her birthday is on Easter. I looked for "mix & match" fabrics but they didn't seem to have any. I finally found some handkerchief linen in polka dots & thought that would look good–white on pink for me & pink on white for Ez., both with white collars (detachable on mine). I just hope there's some of it left by then. I did buy one remnant piece today–a nice wintry plaid but it's not too heavy. It's really too late to make her a winter dress now so I may save it til next fall. I also got some tape to fix Ez's two plastic bibs. The binding is coming loose on both of them. This is wider than the original though so hopefully it won't pull too loose.

     We were supposed to take my sewing machine in today. It's long overdue for a tuneup and when I was finishing up her once last week... I just checked and I already wrote about this. We're going to take the machine in Monday.

     After I got back, Guy went running. Of course, Ez. woke up after he left. I washed my hands good before going to get her. I changed her diaper & brought her back in here till Guy got back. After resting up, he took her downstairs so I could get some more sleep. I only really slept good for about 30 minutes. I just mostly tossed & turned. I felt a little better after taking a shower. We had popcorn for supper. My throat is feeling better now but my nose is still half stuffy. It's worse when I lay down. I already told Guy that I want to stay home in the morning so I can get some rest. He's watching some war movie downstairs & I'm watching The Sting in bed. I'll probably fall asleep once I stop writing. Hope we all get a good night's sleep.

February 1992

18 years ago...

     Instead of my usual blog post where I type out a journal entry of my mom's former days, I thought I'd do something a little different for today's post.
   
     18 years ago. On this day back in 1997, my life changed. But don't be quick to assume this was a negative change. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it was a positive change. That would be cruel to say. But my life did change on this day 18 years ago, and today, I choose to see the good that came out of it...

     From what I've gathered from stories family members have told me, here is a rough summary:

     My mother, Ellen Pulley Jones, was a surprise child in her family. She was born in November 1955. When I say she was a surprise, I'm not exaggerating. Her oldest sibling was 18 years old when she was born. My grandmother was in her 40's I believe. To my knowledge, she was a happy baby and a very bright and gifted child. She learned to play the piano at a young age, a trait she passed on to me. She could sew her own outfits, and later in life proceeded to sew many for my childhood. She could cook like you wouldn't believe (I was definitely never hungry). But there was something off about her, something that you wouldn't have known just by looking at her.
    My mother had cystic fibrosis. For those of you who don't know what cystic fibrosis is, it is a disease that affects mostly the lungs. Simple tasks such as breathing are 100 times more difficult for someone with cystic fibrosis. It's not a disease you can catch from someone else. And it's not a disease that can just develop on it's own, like cancer. It is genetic. The only way you can get cystic fibrosis is if both of your parents carry the cystic fibrosis mutation in their genes. Both of my grandparents were carriers, but they had no idea. However, if both parents are carriers of the gene, that doesn't mean that every child they have together will have CF. There is only a 25% chance of each child being born with cystic fibrosis. 1 in 4. Those sound like pretty good odds right? My mother was the 4th of 4 children...
     Skip ahead to when I came along. My mother was terrified, TERRIFIED that something was going to be wrong with me when I was born. They had no idea if my dad was a CF gene carrier. Lucky for my mother, they were able to test me for it when I was born. I do NOT have CF. But because my mother had CF, I carry the gene. So if my husband is also a carrier (we have no idea if he is or not), there is a 25% chance each of our kids could have CF; but if he's not a carrier, we won't have to worry about any of our kids having it.
     My childhood memories of my mother are fuzzy, but I do have them. What I am most thankful for is the fact that she knew her disease might take her from me too soon. So she recorded everything that we did. I have so many home movies, you'd be amazed. But she didn't just record home videos. She recorded her thoughts about life while I was growing up too. Hence these journal entries. My mother was a smart woman. She had good reason to record as much as she did. She didn't want me to forget her.
     Did you know that in 1959, the average age of survival of children with cystic fibrosis in the United States was six months? Six months old. Could you imagine if my grandmother, who had a surprise baby in her 40's, ended up losing her at only 6 months old with no idea why? I am so glad my mother lived past 6 months old. Even at the age of 25 (approximately) when she found out that CF was what was wrong with her, they didn't think she would live just a whole lot longer. In 2010, survival is estimated to be 37 years for women and 40 for men. And guess what. My mother lived to be 41! And that was in 1997. She beat the average age for women with CF to live in 2010 thirteen years before! I was 6 years old when my mother died. And I know why she died when she did. She lived as long as she could for me. She wanted to be present in my life for as long as possible, so that, when she did die, I would still have memories of her. And thanks to her recording our home videos, and her journal entries, I remember her in a way that I wouldn't trade for anything, other than having her here instead.
     I think of her every day and wonder what she would think of me if she were here. Would she be proud of me? Would she approve of the life I'm living? Would she be proud that I graduated from Harding just like she did 35 years before that? Would she love my husband as much as I do? Would she have bawled her eyes out at my wedding? Would she be asking me for grandchildren by now? Would she call me every day just to tell me she loved me? I hope the answer to all those questions is yes.

     18 years ago, I lost my mother. But 18 years ago, I gained a guardian angel.

"I was shaking so bad and crying cause I felt like I'd almost lost her..."

Friday, Feb. 28, 1992

     Wed. night was a very rough night. I don't know what time it was or how long Ez. had been crying but I didn't even hear her. I woke up as Guy was getting out of bed. He went ahead and took her first then I tried awhile then finally we gave her a bottle of juice and she went back to sleep. It was 2:35 when Guy came back to bed. We found out she's trying to cut a molar on the bottom right side. It felt a little less close to the surface tonight than it did last night. She wouldn't let us rock her the usual ways. Whenever she'd lay her head down it probably hurt her jaw. I finally laid her down on her back on my lap and she went to sleep after I rocked her a few minutes. It was hard on my arms and hands though having to hold on to her legs to keep her from sliding down. She didn't take good naps yesterday or today but she did sleep through the night last night. Would've been nice except I couldn't get back to sleep after Guy left.

     He had to work late yesterday cause they were having fire drills. I don't know why they had to schedule them at quitting time. I was getting really upset cause he was supposed to go to the post office and grocery store on the way home but he hadn't taken the stuff to mail. I started thinking about how being on the ship is going to be just as bad an experience as SIMA. I'd been kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was just in a bad mood anyway cause I started yesterday morning. Then Guy being late and Mary Sembra was coming over at 7:00.

     Then when Ez. was eating supper she started choking on her cookie. She was able to cough it up. But she did it again a little bit later and it seemed like she wasn't able to get it up. I was patting her on the back and trying to get her out of her seat and she finally coughed it up along with a lot of applesauce. I took the cookie away from her then and tried to clean her up. I was shaking so bad and crying cause I felt like I'd almost lost her and I panicked and didn't know what to do. That's why I want to take that class, so I will be able to handle it. When I told Guy he asked if I'd read the class book yet and I told him I hadn't gotten to that part. I read it this morning when I couldn't get back to sleep. But it made me cry to think about what if I couldn't do it. I didn't giver her anything but Cheerios to feed herself today. No problems.

     Meanwhile, my throat started getting irritated last night & was sore this morning. I've been eating pretzels and Hall's cough drops all day. My throat is a little better but just in the last few minutes the right side of my nose started stopping up. I took Robitussin last night and tonight so coughing won't keep me up. I guess I need to up my sudafed and start the cipro in the morning. I don't know why she gave me a "double order" of it last time. It's more convenient to take tablets than use the nebulizer but I hate getting a yeast infection from the tablets. Maybe I'll try eating yogurt and see if that keeps it from happening. When Ez. first got her runny nose we figured she caught a cold from someone in class Sun. Then we decided it was only because of her tooth, so I didn't figure I could catch it from her. But I guess I did. 

     We went to the credit union and the post office after her morning nap. She did real good. I used the stroller both times cause I knew I couldn't carry her and stand in line. 

     It's 11:30 now. At 10:46 I heard this kind of knocking noise. I thought it was on TV at first but I still heard it when I turned the sound off the TV. It was my jewelry box and the candle holder on top of the dresser vibrating. I felt of the dresser and could feel it vibrating too. I went to check on Ez. and everything seemed ok in there. When I got back in here it wasn't doing it any more. That happened once a few years ago & Guy wasn't home then either. But he said it was probably a tiny tremor. Not a comforting thought. I hope it doesn't happen again.

     Mary Sembra came over to talk about the Singles Group. Things are finally falling apart. I'm surprised the Pugh's didn't keep it up when they took over from us. Mary's the only girl who participates and she tries to motivate the guys to be leaders but none of them want to take initiative. The Johnstons are wanting to be the next sponsors but they haven't talked to the elders about it. Mary said they told her they wouldn't come to the monthly fellowships because the singles didn't need anyone to hold their hands. I don't know if we did any good besides just letting Mary get some things off her chest. She caught us up on news too. Merry Gallahar is pregnant again. I asked Guy later whey he thought she didn't tell us. He said maybe she still thought I didn't like her. I asked if she said that to him or someone else and he said no. It's not that I don't like her. I just feel awkward about us being pregnant at the same time and I lost my baby and she didn't.

"I was so upset I cried halfway home."

Wed., February 26, 1992

     Ez. was up & down all night last night. Guy took her part of the time. It was a rough night for everyone. She had a runny nose when she woke up this morning. I've been giving her Dimetapp but no change so far. It'll probably be another rough night.

     This morning we went to Cathy Rudolph's for a Multiples party. It's knit cotton/polyester clothes you can mix & match. I didn't get anything–too expensive. I rocked Ez. to sleep on my lamp and Cathy put a blanket in the floor in her room but as soon as I laid her down she woke up. So I took her back out to the den & rocked her again & just kept rocking. She slept for about 30 min.

     Guy was home when we got back. He fixed me lunch after he finished his & fed Ez. then put her down for a nap. I took a nap too. He watched a tape.

     I slept longer than she did. I'd hoped to have a nice relaxing evening. I forgot about our meetings. He volunteered to work on the architectural control committee so he had to go down to the clubhouse for that. I was supposed to go to the ship's spouses club meeting and was taking Ez. with me. But I couldn't find the place it was supposed to be so I came back home. I drove all around looking for it. The place that I remembered meeting at before when he was stationed there is now a day care. I was so upset I cried halfway home. Ez. fell asleep on the way home. When we came by the clubhouse I saw Guy's truck was still there. I saw someone putting on their jacket as they were coming out the door & thought it was Guy. I figured he'd be home soon after we were but he didn't come & didn't come. I looked for the number at the clubhouse and called but only got the answering machine. So I went back down there. I had to bundle Ez. up again (she woke up when we got home & stayed awake). I was afraid that Guy had gone on over to the base instead of checking to see if I was home first because he thought I surely wouldn't be home so soon. But he was still there. I guess I could've just come on home when I saw his truck there but I went in with Ez. & told him what had happened. At least I wasn't crying by then.

     Ez. went to bed around 8:15. Guy got home about 9:00 and I had to give him a haircut. She's been really restless but has gone back to sleep whenever she gets her pacifier back. I can tell her nose is kind of stuffed up. She probably spits her pacifier out cause it's hard to breath with it. I hope the Dimetapp clears this up & she doesn't get another sinus infection or anything else. I'm staying up to see the lottery numbers or I'd have gone to sleep when Guy did.