"You'd think he'd be satisfied with all the toys he's got."

Tuesday, Feb. 5, 1991 (Part 3)
     Here are some odds & ends that I've kept a list so I wouldn't forget:
     Guy was told that his being on the ASF would exempt him from going to a ship if they send the men in his stop to one.  I sure hope so.  But the ship they said they'd go to just left last week.
     The date I first wore a maternity dress to church was Sun., Dec. 23.
     We finally got the right dough hooks for my new mixer.  Guy went to the appliance store that the Sears lady told us about.  They'd said on the phone that we'd have to buy new ones (or a new one, because you could buy them seperately) since we didn't buy the mixer there.  But when he got there, they said he could just exchange them.  I'd had him take both so he'd be sure to get the right one.  I tried making a loaf of wheat bread.  It came out ok but it was a little dense.  I think I may have overkneaded it.
     I just caught Chief chewing on my shoestrings.  It's the 3rd or 4th time he's done it but I've never caught him in the act before.  I just got some new shoestrings the other day--thank goodness I haven't put them in yet.  You'd think he'd be satisfied with all the toys he's got.  Oh, we got him a booda bone for xmas, it's made out of rope.  He just loved it but it didn't last a month before it was in shreds.
     I assisted Dianna Landon in teaching the 1st & 2nd grade at VBS in August.
     The Singles haven't put out an issue of Young Light since November.  Mary says she doesn't have enough help.
     They now have sodas available at the commissary.  You used to have to go to the liquor store to buy them.
     Last summer Arbitron called and then sent us the booklets to keep track of what we watched on TV.  It was fun at first but by the end of the week it had gotten to be a nuisance having to write down every time you turned the TV off & on & switched channels.  We did it both upstairs & downstairs.

"we've got to make room for the baby somehow"

Tuesday, Feb. 5, 1991 (Part 2)
     Sat. Guy took me over to the Forsythe's for Gina Ibarra's shower.  I'd done a cross-stitch piece for her but didn't have time to get it made into a pillow.  I at least fixed up the front so everyone would have an idea what it would look like.  It was supposed to start at 10:30 but they didn't start eating til 11:00.  Guy said he'd pick me up a little before noon.  I kept watching for him after 11:30 and saw him about 11:45.  I signaled to him I'd be 5 minutes.  Then I went & explained to Gina that I needed to leave and could she go ahead & open my present so I could take her picture.  She was almost done eating so I didn't feel I was rushing her too much.  She really like it though & started showing it to everyone.  I got it back at church Sun. so I can finish it into a pillow this week.  I need to get some new thread for it though -- I was making do with what I had.  Piece Goods is having a sale this week so I need to go there anyway.  When I went to get the pillow fabric they gave me a coupon book.  I also got a maternity pattern.  It has a jumpsuit, pants, and a pullover and a blouse.  I'll get fabric for that at the sale.  Then next week Quilt Works is having a fabric sale.  I want to get more of the fabrics I used int he quilt to make things for the nursery.  I don't think I mentioned that yet.  I took a quilting class--finally.  It was the hand-quilting sampler class.  Four Friday mornings for $50.  We didn't finish it in class but are supposed to know all we need to to get it done.  It's just the right size for a crib quilt.  There are four different blocks--Dresden Plate, Drunkards Path, 9-Patch, and 8-pt. Star.  I've got a pink and cream stripe, a white on pink calico, pink & lavendar on off-white calico, a solid pink, & muslin.  I haven't worked on it since class cause I've been sick but I need to get going on it to get it done in time.  And we need to get to work on the front bedroom.  If this is really going to happen we've got to make room for the baby somehow.  I need some boxes to start packing up my craft stuff.  And I need to start sewing--on stuff for the nursery, clothes for me, & especially the dress for Gina & Rob's wedding.

"And it really was awful!"

Tuesday, Feb. 5, 1991 (Part 1)
     Guy was able to get Friday off to go with me for the 3-hr. test.  I just realized  I didn't finish telling about the test Wed.  When they did the blood test at the end of the hour (after I saw Dr. Graves) it was 205.  She said the border line was 140 and that since it was so high I needed to come back for the 3-hr. test.  So she scheduled me for 8 AM Friday.  Anyway, Guy was told he could have Fri. off if he worked til 6:00 Thu.  He's been getting off about 2:00-2:30.  Well, the people that were supposed to relieve his people didn't show up til 8:00.  They thought they should or could go eat & get there whenever they were done.  He was also going to be switched to the eve watch starting Sat. 2-10.  That means he won't be able to go to Chief's last class.  He wouldn't let me go again last week even though I was getting better.  He said the last class they'll just be graded and get their certificates.  He's going to call them in the morning to let them know & see what we need to do for Chief to graduate.
     I sure am wandering....For the 3-hr test I couldn't have anything to eat or drink but water from midnight the night before.  Guy skipped breakfast with me.  We got there right at 8:00 & they didn't open til a little after.  It was awhile before anyone showed up in the lab.  First she did a finger stick then took blood from my arm.  There were 2 others doing this at the same time except one of them was only there for the 1 hr. test.  This time I had to drink a whole 10-oz. bottle of the awful orange stuff.  And it really was awful!  While we waited for the hourly blood draws Guy read some magazines and I mostly leaned over & dozed on him.  I'd taken my journal to catch up writing but was too tired to write.  I hadn't slept very well because of worrying so much about the test.  A little while after the second hour the girl called me to the lab & said to bring my charge ticket.  When I got in there she said she should have my results in a minute & it looked like I was fine.  I went to call Guy in so he could hear the final results.  The number were 70, 136, &148.  Marian (the nutritionist) had given me her number at home & said to call & let her know the results.  I tried calling her twice Fri. aft. but she wasn't home.  She called me yesterday morning.  When I told her the numbers she said that was great.  My next appt. with her is Thursday.
     After we left the drs. office we went to McDonald's to eat--I wasn't as hungry as I thought I'd be.  We went to pick up Guy's paycheck & to the credit union.  Then we came home & took a nap.
     I don't remember if it was Fri or Sat. when they called to tell Guy he could have Sun. off.  He was able to go to church both times.  That was a treat.  Carole let us hold Martha during church but whenever I started holding her she started crying.  Carole ended up going to children's class with Meaghen so Guy had her for the whole service.  He took her out for a walk a couple of times--after I tried holding her.

"it didn't seem like she's been moving around as much today."

Wednesday, January 30, 1991
     I called Dr. Baker Friday to tell him I was feeling worse.  When I finally got ahold of him he said he could write me prescriptions for humibid and erythromycin.  At first he said he'd call it in to Boone then he called back & said they wouldn't let him do that & asked if I wanted him to mail them to me.  I told him I needed something before Mon. & said I could come to the hospital pharmacy after Guy got home.  He said he'd leave them at the pharmacy.  Guy wasn't too thrilled about it when he got home.  He'd asked for Sat. or Sun. off & they said no so he was in a bad mood.  But we went to the hospital and got the medicine, not without trouble.  I tried to explain it to the volunteer & he couldn't find it and called this girl over.  I don't know what he'd told her but I had to explain it again a couple of times.  Then she said she'd try calling the dr. & I said he wouldn't be there, he was leaving the prescriptions there because he'd be gone by the time I got there.  Guy grabbed my ID and said he'd go upstairs & see if anyone was there.  Not 2 minutes later the man found it.  I went to catch Guy but he'd used the stairs intead of waiting for the elevator.  He wasn't too pleased to find out he went up there for nothing.  No one was there anyway.  At least we got the medicine.
     After that we went to Sears to pick up the maternity jeans I'd ordered.  It's taken so long to get some.  I bought some at K-Mart and they were so comfortable but the first time I washed them they got little holes in them.  I started to mend them & found even more holes so I decided to take them back.  They said I could exchange them but there weren't any more.  I looked in the Sears store and at Penney's but they were so expensive and all had some kind of zippers or bows or something at the bottom of the legs.  I finally ordered them out of the catalog in size 10, the size the ones from K-Mart had been.  They were just fine then I washed them before wearing them and they shrank too much.  So I took them back & fiddled around and didn't order them again til last week, this time in size 12.  I washed them first and tried them on & they're fine.  They're just a little stiff cause they're not prewashed like the K-Mart ones were.
     Meanwhile, my cold has gotten better in some ways and worse in others.  My throat's not as sore but it still sounds kind of rough.  My nose isn't completely stopped up.  It moves from side to side & I still have to blow quite a bit.  The worst thing is when I lay down on my left side I wheeze so bad I can't breathe for coughing.  I haven't gotten much sleep the past two nights.  I can get comfortable on my right side but I wake up an hour or two later & my hip or shoulder or something is aching or numb & I need to move.  But every time I try my left side, no matter how many pillows I use or how I place them, I eventually start wheezing, if I'm not from the start, which is most of the time.
     I spen most of yesterday & this morning in bed.  I had an appt. with Dr. Graves at 2:55 this afternoon.  I was supposed to go an hour early for the diabetes screening.  I didn't know if I'd be able to drive so I called Barb Leland to see if she could drive me.  Guy said he'd come pick me up when he got off work.  She said she could and she even came in with me to visit a little while before she had to go pick up Jamie.
     Anyway, I had to drink this orange drink that was very sweet.  It wasn't bad at first but the more I drank the worse it got.  She told me to try just drinking it down & I tried but almost gagged on it.  I was supposed to go back in an hour for the blood test.  The girl said it was ok for me to drink water.  I'd taken some with me hoping to be able to.
     The nurse weighed me & took my blood pressure.  I lost a pound.  She called me to an exam room long before my appt. time & I thought that was great.  But I was in there for 25 minutes.  I finally got off the table and sat on the bench in the corner.  Dr. Graves was nice & friendly but he has a tendancy to get real close when talking with you.  He said he'd told Dr. Baker whatever medicine I needed to get well was ok.  He said I might want to go ahead & have my blood gasses checked before my next visit with Dr. Baker.  He said not to worry about the medicine or the effects of my coughing on the baby.  I just need to be sure to take good care of myself.  He listened to the heartbeat and it sounded fine to me.  I'd been worried because it didn't seem like she's been moving around as much today.

"I'll pick up where I left off."

Wed., January 23, 1991
     I had started writing while I was waiting to see the nutritionist last week but I didn't have to wait even five minutes.  I'll pick up where I left off.
     Guy said they let him come home to rest so he could go take the chiefs' test the next morning.  He had to report back to ASF after the test.  They'd already divided up the watches and he got stuck with the mid watch at the ASF office.  He said it was so boring.  He kept asking for a different watch & they finally switched him yesterday.  He didn't have to go in last night.  He had to be in at 5:30 this morning and got off at 2:30.  Instead of the office he's patrolling on foot at the Lafayette Clinic.  He said it was cold but he liked it a lot better than sitting in the office all night.  Only thing is, he's coming down with a cold--me too.
     He got up early from sleeping yesterday to take me to my appointment with Dr. Baker at PNH.  On the way over there I noticed my throat was irritated and by the time we saw the dr. it was making me cough a lot, just a dry little cough.  He told me to try using the tobramycin 3 times a day for a week plus do my therapy twice a day.  If I'm not better in a week I'm supposed to let him know.  Well, by suppertime I had a sore throat and it started hurting really bad in my very upper chest when I coughed.  I slept better than I thought I would but I didn't feel very good when I got up.  It wasn't hurting my chest when I coughed any more but I was having to constantly eat or drink something to keep my throat from hurting.  And when I wasn't doing that I was using a Hall's.  It's been a little better for a few minutes at a time but not for long.  My nose is stopped up off & on--my ears too.  I've taken some Tylenol three times since last night.  I can't tell if they've made any difference.
     I called this aft. to ask about which Robitussin formulas it was ok to take.  The nurse I talked to said all of them are ok.  She also said that if I have a fever of 100 degrees or more for 24 hours, I'd need to come in for a strep test.  I hadn't even thought about that.  I took my temp. & it was 99.4 degrees.  Guy took his when he got home and his was 100 degrees.  He took some aspirin and was feeling better after supper.  He went to Chief's class without me.  It's been colder since Mon. so I need to stay in, especially at night.  I hope I don't get any worse & I hope Guy doesn't either.  I have no idea where or who I caught this from.  Guy said it's probably from going out yesterday into the extreme weather change.  It's been nice lately, warm even when it was raining & now it's freezing cold.  I've been trying to be good & I thought my resistance was up because I was eating so well.  So I don't know where this came from.
     The nutritionist had suggested I cut back on fats.  I'd already stopped buttering my bread but now I'm switching to 2% milk instead of whole.  I haven't noticed any change yet.  I'm up to 123 lbs. now.  She & the drs. say that's good.  Next week I have the diabetes screening and 2 wks after that I have another ultrasound.

Shortest Entry Ever

Wed., Jan. 17, 1991
     Guy came home at 12:45 last night.  I'd only been asleep 20-25 minutes.


That's the shortest entry she's ever made...wow!

"The US & other allies began their attack on Iraq tonight."

Wed., January 16, 1991
     Even though we've been expecting it for some time, now that it's really happened it's hit me harder than I thought it would.  The US & other allies began their attack on Iraq tonight.  It was on the national news at 6:30 but had begun about an hour & a half earlier.  We went to Chief's class as usual because we didn't hear from anyone saying Guy had to go in.  We took the remote for the answering machine and Guy called when we got there--there were no messages.  He tried again after class and there were but the remote wouldn't work.  So we rushed home and he found out he had to go in right now.  I hope he's not in big trouble for not being home when they called.  He said he'd call me whenever he could--who knows when that will be.  He doesn't know how long he'll be there or exactly what they'll have him doing.  I started crying when he said he'd have to go in tonight & didn't stop til after he left.  It's just all so scary because of not knowing how long all this will last or exactly what's going to happen.
     The pregnancy's been going ok.  The baby's kicks are starting to get stronger.  I saw Dr. Rand a week ago today.  I weighed 123.  I had to refresh his memory about the spells I'd been having.  I told him I'd only had one since I stopped using the antacids.  He said I could try one that has aluminum but not magnesium.  But I haven't been taking anything, I've just been suffering through the heartburn.  It's not bad every night & I think I'd rather put up with it than have another of those spells, especially as bad as the one was that Sun. morning.
     I haven't had any new symptoms.  Except for the past two nights, I've been sleeping better at night--not having to get up to go to the bathroom & then not being able to get back to sleep.  The times I did sleep til Guy got up, Chief usually woke me up whining when Guy came back up to brush his teeth and say goodbye.  Then I'd end up getting some milk & eating some cereal, reading a little while (or a long while) & going back to sleep til about 9:00.  I rarely take a nap in the afternoon when I get up that late.  I stopped working with Chief every day cause I just run out of breath & energy.  Guy's been keeping it up fairly well but now he might not have time.  I'll probably try it tomorrow and see how it goes.  He did really well in class tonight.  It's after midnight so I'll probably fall asleep watching tv.  Guy probably won't call til tomorrow.

"he doesn't know what I like"

                                                                                                                  Sunday, Dec. 30, 1990 (Part 2)
     Guy did say he wasn't going to buy me any more jewelry cause he doesn't know what I like.  But this is the first time I've exchanged anything and I probably wouldn't have exchanged this if he hadn't been asking and found out I didn't care that much for my birthstone.  Maybe part of it is that he was already aggravated about the problem with the mixer.
     I had another 'spell' this morning about 3:00.  It was the worst ever.  I think I almost fainted.  Guy was with me in the bathroom.  Everything got kind of dark and either there was this fuzzy sound in my ears or either I just couldn't hear anything.  I was leaning on Guy & he had me put my head down between my knees as best I could but he had to hold me to keep me from falling off the toilet.  I had the other symptoms too - short of breath, cold sweat, & weak.  But this time we know it wasn't because of my blood sugar falling.  Only about 30 minutes before that I'd had a glass of milk and a few sugar crisps.
     Guy came up with some toast & milk after he ate & said he had an idea.  None of this started happening til after I started taking the antacid tablets.  I'd thought of that the first time it happened but when I switched from the Tums to the Maalox I figured it would stop if it was the Tums that was causing it.  I didn't think it would be just antacids in general but maybe it is.  Guy said for me to keep track of exactly when I take one & see if we can determine a pattern.  He was also going to try asking Carole about it if they're at church today.  He wouldn't let me go.  I slept for about an hour.  I hadn't gotten back to sleep after that spell til Guy got in the shower & he had to wake me up to eat.  I hope I'll be able to get a good nap this aft.

"Silly."

                                                                                                                  Sunday, Dec. 30, 1990 (Part 1)
     We went to Sears & Penney's yesterday.  We exchanged the mixer at Sears for a larger one.  It was the only one there and it had been opened but the lady said if anything was wrong with it we could bring it back but she didn't know where or if they'd get any more.  We put the $44 difference on the charge account.  When we tried it out later it worked fine but figured out why it had been returned.  The dough hooks are supposed to be two different shapes, specifically to fit on the left or right and they were both for the right side.  I called the store & the girl said they could check with the manufacturer after the holidays and see if they could send just the dough hooks.  Guy's just so frustrated by it all he said for me to take care of it.  I hope they can replace the hooks cause the only other alternative is to get a refund and wait to see if they get any more in or get it somewhere else.  She said all their ordering was done automatically by computer so they can't just order another mixer.  Silly.
     After going to Sears we went to Lynnhaven Mall.  First we took Guy's watch to that place in the middle to see if they could fix it.  It'll be $26 (compared to $40 that the jewelry store wanted) and that includes new watchband, a new seal for the back, and a new battery!
     Then we went to Penney's jewelry dept. to see about exhanging the jewelry.  Guy said if I wanted I could turn the whole set in for something completely different.  I'd thought they'd have a picture of it in white gold but they didn't.  And there wasn't anything at all pink.  The man kept hovering over us (the girl who sold to Guy wasn't there) & I finally asked if I could look around some before deciding & I went all around the counter.  Practically everything was yellow gold.  There wasn't really anything that struck my fancy at the time that I thought would be an even exchange.  But something made me ask if there were any of the diamond stud earrings within the same price range.  I really didn't think there would be but he checked & brought out 2 pairs.  One was 1/3 carat total and was $40 more.  The other was, I think, 1/4 carat total and he said they were $80 less.  I asked wasn't there anything in between because that seemed like such a large jump from one size to the next.  He said he'd check somewhere else & came back and said that was all.  So I told Guy I'd take the smaller ones & he said "you really want the bigger ones don't you?"  I said no & he asked the man if we could have a minute to talk.  I told him I didn't want him to spend any more money because I thought he'd spent too much already (at the birthstone set, I'd seen the price of the ring was $139 & I knew the earrings & necklace had to be at least that much more.) and that we were going to have a lot of expenses coming up with the baby coming.  He said not to worry about it, that he wanted me to have the larger ones.  So I said ok.  Even at 1/3 carat total that means each 1/6 I guess.  They're only about 1/8" in diameter but they are real diamonds and we even got a certificate stating the value of them.  I glanced at it & I thought it said $550 but that can't be it! Guy wouldn't spend that much money when we're so strapped with money, even if it is charged.  The man folded the certificate and put it in an envelope.  We're going to put it in the safe diposit box.  But I'm tempted to look at it before we do.  It'll show up on the bill soon enough though.  That's the first time we've used the Penney's card in a long time.  I hope the payments aren't too high.  But then, if it's that much, it'll take a long time to pay off.

"I sat & cried for about 5 minutes"

                                                                                                                       December 28, 1990 (Part 3)
     I forgot to tell about his obedience classes.  He's had 3 so far.  We skipped last week & this because they're closed for the holidays.  He's done so-so overall.  The first week he did much better than either of us expected.  The second week he didn't do well at all.  He didn't want to go out on the floor with me - he was too distracted trying to keep his eye on Guy.  I finally signaled for Guy to come take over cause I couldn't get him to do anything.  I sat & cried for about 5 minutes cause I was so upset & frustrated.  The girl cut the class a little short to go over the problems on everyone's sheets.  A lot of people have the same problems.  About getting on the couch, or anywhere else they shouldn't, you should set up mousetraps.  She said it wouldn't hurt them but after being scared a few times they'd stay away from the area.  We got some the other day but haven't tried it yet.  As for practicing with him every day, I did it every day that I could but it's just getting so tiring, especially when it's cold outside.  The last time I did it was xmas eve.  Guy's done it every day I think except Sun. & xmas day.
     Back to our anniversary - I really dressed up for it.  I put my hair up on electric rollers (for the first time since cutting it) and it did a lot better than I thought.  Except by the time we got home the left side was flipping out at the front instead of under.  I had parted it on the left and pulled the right side back with my cream-colored bow with the pearl trim.  I really laid on the makeup too.  I wore my silky black skirt and the creamy white sweater with the gold metallic stripes.  I finally made the scarf to go with it last weekend.  It's alternating gold & silver 1" stripes.  I had intended to wear it down low like around the bottom of the sweater but there wasn't enough left to tie even wearing it that low.  I ended up tying it in a low square know around my neck.  I wore the silver heart earrings with the 'diamonds' hanging down.  I thought I looked very nice and when Guy came up to see if I was ready, the way he looked at me I knew he thought so too.  And he told me I looked beautiful.  That made it worth all the effort.

"I hope she's right."

Friday, December 28, 1990 (Part 2)

     I need to tell about our xmas now.  I got Guy new work shoes - his old ones had holes in the bottom of one - a new trash bag for his truck, some socks, the screwdriver set and electric ice scraper he asked for, & a key chain that has buttons you can push for different sound effects so he can 'zap' other drivers when he gets upset in traffic.  All that sounds puny next to what he got me: a mixer, a can opener with knife sharpener, a stethoscope, & a couple of paperbacks.  I was so excited about everything.  But then I was reading about my mixer & it said not to use it for heavy mixing such as bread dough.  That puzzled me til I realized that it said it had pastry hooks, not dough hooks.  Then I also realized it was 6 speeds & not 12 & that it only had one bowl.  I pointed out to Guy what it said about heavy mixing & he pointed out that it said it could cause the motor to overheat or burnout, not that it would.  He said he thought it would do fine.  We went back & forth on it off & on for a couple of days.  He was disappointed because he thought he was doing good getting me what I wanted.  I told him I didn't realize there were 2 different kinds of hooks or I would have noted the difference on my wish list.  He said we could exchange it for a different one but that we'd have to charge the difference.  He said this only cost about $36 and the next one up was $100 more.  So that made me feel worse & wish I didn't ever say anything about it.  I know we shouldn't charge stuff for the baby.  But he started looking for the receipt for the mixer & couldn't find it so I may have to keep it after all.  I told him maybe I could just tell them it was a gift & I didn't have the receipt.  I also said I'd just look at the other mixers before deciding what to do.  I think we're going out to the malls tomorrow.  I wish he hadn't had to go back to work today.
     We went over to Steve & Jill Lowell's for xmas dinner.  We left about 1:00 and came home about 10:00.  Butch Plummer, their single, was there too.  We ate around 3:00 then visited.  We tried playing Rook but we were all so rusty & couldn't figure the rules out so we gave up on that and played UNO.  Then we played Trivial Pursuit and Butch & Steve beat me & Guy!  It seemed like we couldn't get anything right most of the time, especially in geography which is usually Guy's strong point.  It was fun anyway but it was a tiring day.  We had waited to feed Chief til about an hour before we left so he could go potty & be ok til we got back.  He was a desperate puppy when we got back though.  Guy found a small puddle in front of the stove but didn't spank him.
     We had to put a fence around the xmas tree to keep Chief away from it.  He got one of the reindeer ornaments off & chewed it up.  He apparently ate the eyes & the tiny wooden bell as well as the yarn parts and one of the yarn bows off the tree skirt.  A couple of times in the past few weeks Guy caught Chief sleeping on the couch.  We started putting stuff on the couch so he couldn't get up there. Oh, we got him a doggie bed and put away his cage a few weeks ago.  He took to it without too much trouble.  But he got into mischief just while ago.  I had counted out 10 kisses to eat & had had 6 already.  I stopped writing to go to the bathroom & came back & started writing again.  Chief reached up to try & get a kiss & I realized that there was only 1 kiss there!  I recounted all the empty wrappers to be sure & looked all over the couch and around & couldn't find the missing ones.  So I called the vets office & talked to a lady there.  She said just that few shouldn't hurt - it's when they eat a large amount of chocolate, like a whole bag of kisses, that it can be toxic to them.  She said that he might vomit or have diarrhea but most likely it would all pass through, wrappers too, without hurting him anywhere from 12-24 hours.  I hope she's right.

"a necklace & earrings to match the ring!"

Friday, December 28, 1990 (Part 1)

     I didn't get much sleep yesterday afternoon before Guy came in to wake me up.  He says I need to do better about taking a nap in the afternoons & not worry about Chief.  I guess he's right cause I sure don't get enough sleep at night.  It seems like whatever time I go to sleep, I wake up about 5 hrs. later either needing to go to the bathroom or thirsty or with that sick feeling.  This morning it was about 2:00 or 4-4&1/2 hrs. later & I kinda started feeling sick but it wasn't like the past two mornings.  For one thing I started sleeping in a T-shirt instead of my flannel nightgowns so I don't wake up hot.  But this morning I was so thirsty I had Guy bring me a glass of milk & drank half of it at once.  I had a little trouble getting back to sleep, just getting comfortable.  I heard Guy's alarm & remember reminding him when he went downstairs to bring me some OJ when he left.  I was asleep when he came back & he was telling me about Chief getting one of his socks while he wasn't looking and ripped it up.  He spanked him.  I didn't hear any of it.  I think I heard Chief whimper once after Guy left but I didn't have any trouble getting back to sleep.  I only woke up once before my alarm went off.  And it made a weird noise at first before it sounded like normal.
     Anyway, I got up at 8:30, did my medicine, ate breakfast, played a little with Chief, & got ready for my appt. with the nutritionist.  I couldn't believe it when the scale said 122 & 1/4!  She said my last visit had been 116 & 1/2, two weeks ago.  I told her what all I had been going on.  She went and talked to Dr. Rand & took me to the lab & asked for a random blood sugar level.  It was just a finger prick and she got the results in just a few minutes.  It was 96.  I asked her what number would it need to be for me to start worrying & she said about 120, so she said I'm normal so far.  She said if I kept having these spells I could come in and have another random test, then when I see Dr. Rand next month decide if we should go ahead & do the diabetes screening which I think is when you don't eat and you drink the stuff & wait a certain length of time for the blood test.  I feel better knowing that it's not my blood sugar.  She said that the concentrations of hormones do increase overnight and are greatest in the early morning.  She also said she has similar symptoms sometimes (she's a couple of weeks farther along than me) so I feel a little better knowing that too.  But still, that is a lot of weight to gain in 2 weeks.  She told me to try cutting back on the fats some.  By not buttering my bread or adding extra to my veggies.  She asked if I wanted to try low-fat milk & I said not really so she said ok, just to cut back elsewhere.  So I guess we'll see how it goes.
     Well, we had our anniversary dinner last night.  I was surprised & disappointed that they didn't do anything special for us at all.  We picked up a matchbook on our way out to write it in our selves.  We exchanged gifts before we left.  I should've known what he was getting me from the questions he was asking about ring sizes & birthstones.  He got me a birthstone ring with four little diamonds around it.  I had gotten him a hardback copy of Trail of Tears by John Ehle, about the Cherokees.  I'd read it from the library and tried to get him to read it but he didn't have time before I had to take it back.  I was sure he'd like it because of his grandmother being a Cherokee.  He seemed to be pleased.
     Then he surprised me by bringing out another present for me.  It was a necklace & earrings to match the ring! He said that the lady said we could exchange them for the same thing in white-gold.  For that reason, I didn't wear the earrings cause I know you can't return pierced earrings after you've worn them.  We're going to Penney's tomorrow to look at what else they have - he said I didn't have to keep it in my birthstone because when he was asking me those questions last week & I said I preferred whichever one was pink.  But these are so pretty I may keep them in the yellow-gold.  He said for me not to be shocked at how much they were - he charged them.  That'll be another monthly payment we'll have now.  I forgot to mention that he also game me a half dozen red roses!

(To be continued...)

Mom and Dad's 10th Anniversary

Thu., December 27, 1990

     Today's the last day of Guy's xmas leave.  It started a week ago today.  I thought I'd have time to write in my journal more while he's here to keep Chief occupied and take care of the cooking & cleaning.  It just hasn't worked out that way though. (I'm supposed to be napping now.)
     Thursday (12/20) I had an appt. with Dr. Baker, the one who's taking Dr. Lazarus' place.  Nothing new to report with him, except he suggested I take Maalox instead of Tums for the heartburn because Tums has calcium in it & he didn't want me to have too much.  I checked the bottle & it said one tablet has 20% of your daily calcium requirement.  Maalox doesn't have any.
     I was so tired by the time we got home I completely forgot about Luana Carter's baby shower til I woke up in the middle of the night.  She had a little girl on Dec. 1.  We went shopping Sat. & got her an outfit.
     We were both planning to go finish our xmas shopping on Friday (21st).  But I woke up at about 4:30 feeling awful.  This had happened once before on a Monday (I can't remember if it was the 10th or 17th).  I had started feeling better but then I felt bad again about 30 minutes later.  I finally got back to sleep around 6:00 I think.  I called the dr's. office at 9:00.  Dr. Rand wasn't in but I talked to some nurse; I didn't get her name but she sounded a little older than the ones I've seen there.  I told her all my symptoms & she said it sounded like I was coming down with the flu.  I hadn't thought of that.  We had checked my temperature before I called & there was no fever.  She said to just stay in bed & rest & drink lots of fluids.  So I stayed home while Guy went & did his xmas shopping.  He called to check on me while he was out.  It didn't any more though, and I didn't come down with the flu either.  We had an appt. scheduled with a different OB, Dr. Crockford, the day after xmas so we thought we could ask him about it.
     When we told the dr. all my symptoms and what the nurse had said, he said if I didn't come down with the flu it was probably just my hormones because they cause all sorts of things to happen when you're pregnant.  He said it might be my blood sugar but that they don't usually check for that til 6 months which would be next month for me.  So I felt a little better after talking to him.  He did suggest trying to drink some orange juice, and I did this morning but it didn't seem to make a difference.
     I sure hope I don't turn diabetic for the rest of pregnancy & especially not to stay that way afterwards.  I'll be glad when Carole Krebsbach gets back so I can ask her all my questions. 
     I guess I'll try and get a little sleep before Guy comes to wake me up.  We're making our annual trip to Tandom's Pine Tree Inn for our anniversary dinner tonight.

"Just what I need to hear!"

Sunday, December 16, 1990

     I've been really lazy about writing in here lately.  I think it was in the afternoon I wrote last time and never finished.  That Sun. night two weeks ago (Dec. 2) was when I first knew for sure I felt the baby moving.  I'd been having little feelings for a couple of weeks before that but wasn't sure if it was the baby or gas.  But I told Guy after church that morning that I thought it was the baby I was feeling during church but I wasn't sure.  That night after he rubbed the lotion on my tummy I just laid there & we kept watching it til we saw it jump at the same time and place I felt inside.  Then we knew that it was the baby.  It's been moving pretty regular, mostly when I'm being still.  The books say it's normal for them to be more active when you're inactive because when you're up & moving around it sort of rocks them to sleep.  It hasn't woke me up in the middle of the night yet.  There'll be plenty of time for that.
     It wasn't too long after that I started having heartburn really bad.  I'd had it that first week after I saw the nutritionist and was stuffing myself.  But when I let up on the eating it didn't bother me.  Now it seems however much I eat, big or little, I get it.  Of course it's worse the more I eat.  Next time we go for milk Guy said we'd get me something that's on the list of things that are ok (from the dr.).
     I decided to try sleeping on 2 pillows to help with the heartburn, then a week ago Friday I didn't wake up an hour or so later & take one pillow away.  It was about 4:00 in the morning.  I had apparently not moved at all and my left hip (the side I was laying on) was in extreme pain.  I got up & went to the bathroom and then rubbed it some & laid back down but it didn't help much.  I decided to get up & try walking around but that didn't do a lot for it either.  All my grunting & groaning finally woke Guy up.  He rubbed it for me for awhile & it started feeling better enough for me to get back to sleep.  But it still does that a lot whether I've been propped up on the pillows or not.  And it bothered me all through church this morning.  I asked Anita if she ever had that problem & she said, "oh yeah, it just gets worse and you'll never be able to sleep good again."  Just what I need to hear!  She had brought me some maternity clothes last week.  The tops and jumpers fit fine but the pants were all to tight in the thighs so I took them back to her today.
     We had been to Sears on Dec. 1 to shop for maternity clothes.  They don't have as much as I thought they would.  Anita's the only one who's given me any clothes except Linda Pugh.  She gave me a jumper she said wasn't really maternity but it was too big & she didn't like the way it looked on her.  It is big & long but I can wear it with a blouse or sweater underneath.  She's going to look through her patterns & bring me some.  She said her clothes are at her mother's & she'll look through them when they go home for xmas.  I've been wanting to make the dress I was getting ready to start on last time but I haven't yet.  I'd like to wear it for our anniversary.  I need to get started on it soon if I'm going to get it done in time.
     A week ago yesterday, Dec. 8, I got my hair cut.  I've been debating it for over a year & finally decided that it had to be done.  The Sat. before, I had gone with Carol Wilson when she had an appt. to talk to her hairdresser.  I'd been asking around to see who had someone they liked & Carol's was close by.  I looked through some books & talked to her (her name is Lisa) & decided to get it just above shoulder length, turning under a little, with some wispy bangs.  Guy went with me to do it.  She measured it - 28", pulled it back into a low ponytail and cut it.  It looked great when I left there but when I got up Sun. morning the bangs were all wacky.  She'd told me there was a cowlick in the middle of my bangs & it made them separate, & that I'd have to work with them awhile to get them to do right.  Well, some days they do ok and some they don't.  I may let them grow out but that would be a pain too.

"About the third step down, my foot slipped..."

Sun., December 2, 1990

     The past few days have been kind of rough.  Chief kept waking us up in the middle of the night.  Guy was getting really mad at him & so was I.  Thu. night was especially bad.  I couldn't get back to sleep after Guy let Chief out so I got up & ate breakfast with Guy & went back to bed when he left.  Chief kept whining & yapping so I finally hollered down the stairs at him.  I was about back to sleep & he started again.  I tried to ignore it then hollered down at him & he didn't stop so I came down & spanked him.  It wasn't long before he started in again though.  This time I'd decided to start reading so instead of turning the stair light on I left the BR door open to see by my light.  About the third step down my foot slipped and I landed on my rear end & hit one step before stopping on another one.  It scared me so bad.  I was relieved that I didn't fall all the way to the bottom but just thinking of what could've happened made me burst into tears.  Chief had hushed when he heard me coming but then started again.  I came on down & spanked him & screamed at him.  I sat on the stepdown & just cried for a little bit.  Chief just looked at me & whined.  I threatened to spank him again & told him I didn't want to hear any more out of him and went back upstairs.  I felt ok, just shaky.  I didn't know what I should do.  It was 6:00 so Guy wouldn't be in the shop yet.  I didn't know if I should call the dr.  I decided to try & get some sleep & call the dr. when I got up.  I read for a little while & got back to sleep around 6:30.  I didn't hear Chief any more & didn't wake up til 9:00.  I did my medicine & came downstairs & called the dr's. office.  They said he & the nurse were with a patient & she'd have to leave a message.  I hope if it was an emergency they'd get back to me sooner than they did - 2 hrs.  It was the nurse.  She asked how many steps and what I landed on and said to watch for any bleeding or cramping & that if I didn't have those, things were probably ok.  I was kind of anxious but since I felt ok I was trying not to worry.  Guy was very upset about Chief when I told him at lunch.  The only problem I noticed was having a catch in my hip every once in awhile but I've had that before a long time ago.  I've only noticed it maybe 5 times since then and the last time was last night.
     Anyway, Guy said he wasn't going to play with Chief this weekend and he hasn't except for a few minutes this morning.  We went ahead with our plans to go to a movie when he got home.  We had our last passes that we got for filling out surveys a couple of months ago.  They were expiring Friday & we were afraid we wouldn't get to use them.  We wanted to last weekend but everything we hadn't seen & wanted to was a special engagement & the passes couldn't be used for those.  Guy got a paper on the way home & we checked the times and decided on seeing Home Alone at Lynnhaven.  We left pretty soon so we could eat first at Schlotsky's!  The movie was neat and we got home about 9:00 after stopping for gas.  Guy was more relaxed when we got home but he was still upset with Chief.  We went ahead with our plans to leave him loose downstairs overnight.  He didn't wake us up but I woke up hot & clogged & coughing.

"It was just so incredible..."

Thu., November 29, 1990

     Guy's been working til 5:30 every day this week except for yesterday he was able to go see Dr. Rand & have the ultrasound with me.  They'd said we could bring a tape if we wanted so we did.  It was strange though, they made Guy stay in the waiting room first.  She started doing the ultrasound on a tape for the doctor.  But she didn't have the screen turned where I could see it.  She was talking into the microphone but I couldn't hear her much cause she was talking so soft.  I heard her pointing things out & said something was intact.  When she finished that she called for them to send Guy back.  Then she turned the screen so we could see and started.  It was incredible.  The baby was moving around so much.  I'm surprised I haven't felt it yet.  She pointed out the different parts.  We could tell the outside parts ok but she showed us the heart beating, the spine, and I forget what else.  At one point it looked like the baby turned its face to look straight at us.  She froze the picture for a few seconds so we could see the face, it's mostly just light & shadows but you could tell the difference between the eyes, nose, & mouth.  I started crying cause I was so relieved that the baby looked just fine.  I was waiting for Guy to ask but he didn't so I asked if she could tell what it was.  She said she'd try and went from a different angle.  I couldn't tell what she was seeing til she explained it.  She was looking from like underneath the baby's bottom & you could see the legs sticking out and she said that it looked like a girl and froze the screen and put an arrow and "girl" on it.  Then I started crying even more.  I was squeezing Guy's hand the whole time and squeezed even harder then.  She looked from another angle that made it look like the baby's head was on the opposite side.  That confused me til we looked at the tape later.  But when she was on that angle the baby just arched it's back and threw her arms up like she was really stretching.  It was just so incredible - I didn't want it to end but she stopped it & I had to go clean up & give a urine sample.  Then they took blood and we waited to see the dr.  Oh, the girl did my weight and took a pound off for my shoes.  She didn't give me a chance to explain that the nurse doesn't do that.  But I told the nurse when she did my blood pressure & she added the pound back on.  Anyway this time it was 114 - the nutritionist had gotten 115 & 1/2.  So the drs. official weight for me is 114, a gain of 5 lbs. since last month.  He said that was good.  I asked him about the places that hurt sometimes when I cough & he said that's the ligaments.  I told him that sometimes it feels like urine leaks out when I cough & he said that's normal.  He showed us a picture of how the bladder is right under the uterus and coughing normally causes a downward pressure but with the extra weight of the uterus pushes it even more.  I guess I feel better about that but still in the back of my mind I wonder about having a weak cervix.  I'll be seeing a different doctor next time, the day after Xmas.
     I felt so happy after seeing the dr. & ultrasound.  I just hope she's right about it being a girl.  Dr. Rand said he'd probably do an ultrasound again later to be sure the baby's growing enough.  But by the measurements it's right on schedule - 19 wks. tomorrow.

"I've gained 6 lbs!"

Tues., November 27, 1990

     Well, Carole did have her baby on the 20th at 7:23 pm.  It was a girl - Martha Victoria.  I didn't cry when we found out but it really bothered me because I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it.  We went to the hospital Wed. night but only got to see Carole.  The baby was staying in the room with her so she had to come down to the lounge to visit us.  She felt great cause she didn't have to have a c-section this time.  They came to church Sun. & Mike all of a sudden handed the baby to Guy when class started.  I eventually held her & it was ok.  She was just so tiny & sweet.  The only time it bothered me was when I thought about her being born on the day our baby died.  But I didn't dwell on it.  I never even mentioned it to Carole. 
     We went to Mark & Linda's for Thanksgiving & told everyone there that we're expecting.  About half who were there were ones we'd already told.  We didn't have them make an announcement at church but told several people & the word is getting around.  Some people said they suspected Dianna had told Anita Brannan & Deborah Cuthrell so I know not to tell her any more secrets.
     On the 15th I saw the nutritionist at Dr. Rand's office.  She wrote out how many starches, meats, etc. to have at each meal and for snacks, adding about 1000 calories a day to what I was having.  I had to fill out a sheet every day for a week listing everything I ate.  By the end of that first day I felt miserable.  I felt like I was eating all day long and really stuffing myself.  I had the most awful heartburn by bedtime.  Something on Sat. I kind of let up a little later, especially after I didn't have to write everything down anymore.  This past Sat. when I weighed, I'd gained 3 lbs.  When I saw the nutritionist today, their scales said I've gained 6 lbs!  She was excited by that - I was shocked.  She asked how it was going & how I was feeling and I told her I felt stuffed & miserable & had the heartburn.  She looked through my sheets & said I could cut back some now cause I've proved I could gain weight, and I don't need to gain so much weight the whole time.  She said I could cut out the morning snack cause I said that was the hardest to fit in cause I haven't been getting up as early so breakfast is later.  She also said I could cut back some on the fats.  She asked what I thought would be easiest to cut back on and I said just the portion sizes cause it was just so hard to eat that much.  She didn't rally say much about that except that she didn't want me to cut back on the meats.  I go back two weeks from today.  Last time I didn't notice she's pregnant but she was wearing a maternity dress today.  She's due a couple of weeks before me but she's bigger than I am, just a little.  She said it's her second one & Dr. Rand delivered her first one & he was great.
     I didn't write about the memorial service yet.  It was Nov. 12.  We'd invited Mark & Linda and Glenn & Mercedes.  Glenn had to speak on the Eastern Shore & she went with him.  She called Sat. to say they wouldn't be coming.  She also said she'd just had a pregnancy test Thu. & found out Fri. it was positive.  She wasn't even late yet.  And they weren't actively trying.  The only reason she had the test done was to be sure she wasn't pregnant before taking some acutaine for her face.  She said she was shocked it was positive.  I thought we found out early but she said she wasn't even due til the next week.  So she's just barely.  They've gone ahead & told people but no announcements.  What surprised me though was to find out that they went to Georgia for Thanksgiving.  I'm surprised she'd leave town for anything.  And another surprise - she's going to see Dr. Beringuer.  Apparently he got his insurance back & is able to deliver again.  I hope he does good for her.  She said she doesn't want to see a group of drs. & he's still by himself.  I think she sees him sometimes this week.  We go for the ultrasound tomorrow.
     Anyway, about the memorial service.  It wasn't exactly the way I had pictured it but it was nice.  There was a lady who sang two songs and a girl from the group sang one a Capella.  Ann made some opening remarks and different people read different poems.  When it came to the candle lighting ceremony she said to say the name of your baby when you lit your candle.  We'd thought we were supposed to say the date too.  Anyway, she didn't say which way to go and some people crossed the aisle & some just turned around to the row behind them so some rows got skipped and Ann had to com and start some of the rows herself.  But I guess it went well.  It looked like there were about 50 people there.  We stayed & mingled awhile.  Mark recognized someone he knew from running.  It wasn't anyone we'd met at meetings.  We told Mark & Linda we're expecting.  They were surprised we'd kept it a secret so long.  I cried a little bit when some of the poems were read.  But I did fairly well.

Remembering my "sister"; One year later...

November 20, 1990

     It was one year ago today when I went to the dr's. office and he told me the baby was gone.  I've been thinking about it the past few days.  I haven't been crying all day like I figured I would be.  Maybe being pregnant now makes it easier to handle.  It doesn't keep it from hurting to remember though.  I've been anxious thought because Carole Krebsbach went in this morning to have labor induced.  Part of me hopes it doesn't come til tomorrow, but tomorrow's the date of the D&C.  I just wish they weren't having to do this but they are cause Mike has to leave next Mon., which is her due date.  
     After supper we're planning to go through our box of the baby's stuff.  I hope I can really put this behind me and concentrate on this pregnancy - soon.

"I got to hear the heartbeat"

November 13, 1990

     I can't believe it's been so long since I wrote.  I've been doing better, it just seems like I'm either busy or tired all the time now.
     My OB appt. went just fine.  I wish Guy had been able to go with me cause I got to hear the heartbeat.  They put a little microphone, I guess, on my stomach with some gel and the sound came over a speaker the nurse was holding in her hand, about the size of a small transistor radio.  It had a steady beat but the sound it made reminded me more of the "Space Invaders" marching than a heart beating.  It was exciting though.  I asked him about my eyes & the spots.  He said they didn't look too bad but I could use eye drops for the blood shots.  He said the spots could be just from changes because of pregnancy but since my blood pressure wasn't high he wasn't too concerned.  But to let him know if it keeps happening.  It hasn't done it any more since then.  I go back on the 28th and they'll do an ultrasound then.  I got the appts. for late in the afternoon so Guy can come.
     We survived that week of the security exercise and duty weekend as well as can be expected.  It kind of messed Chief & me up, not to mention Guy.  He slept all Fri. aft. after it was over.  That Thu. night & most of Friday we had really bad winds from nor-easter.  I didn't get much sleep that night because of it.  We didn't have any damage from it around here.  But they had some on the Outer Banks.  The wind blew a barge loose and knocked it into the Bonner Bridge, the major (only) way across, knocking a big section of it out.  It'll be months at least before they fix it.  Meanwhile they're using ferries to get back & forth.
     That Sat. Guy made the porch railing for the end of the porch.  He still has a little left to do but it's basically done.  I don't know when he'll be able to finish it between the weather & his schedule.  Now that the Daylight Savings Time is over, it's dark before he gets home.  He did manage to get the primer on the door & get it painted again on one nice Sat.
     He had to work late (til 6:00) all last week and on his duty day.  Tues, he had the 8-midnight watch.  It messed up the whole week.  He was supposed to be helping clean the house for Carole's shower Thu. night.  And he did but he was really exhausted by the end of the week.  Needless to say, we slept late on Sat.
     The shower went well.  There were 18 who came.  A little more than I'd expected but we didn't run out of food.  The only thing I made was some mini-cupcakes, some with pink & some with blue icing.  Everyone said they were cute and tasted good.  And there were plenty of those left that we can take to the fellowship Sun.  Unless Guy eats them all before then!
     We had planned to take Chief in on Thu. for him to be fixed on Fri., then we could pick him up Sat. morning.  But they said they couldn't do the surgery on Fri. but could on Thu. so I had to take him in on Wed.  Guy put the cage in the back seat of the car but Chief didn't like it.  At least he wasn't able to get up & all around the car.  It was hard leaving him there - I sat in the car & cried a couple of minutes before I left.  But by the time I was getting ready to go pick him up Fri. morning I was thinking, 'I could get used to the quiet life again.'  I expected him to be quiet & cuddly when I picked him up but he was pretty hyper.  I guess he was glad to see me cause he dribbled on me & the floor but when the girl went to get something to wipe it up he tried to follow her.  So I guess he kind of got attached to her.  He gave me a headache with all his yapping on the way home.  As soon as we got in, he ran all around the house checking everything out, then went straight to the back door, went out, and pooped & peed immediately.  Then he went out again about 30 min. later and pooped again.  I put some food out but he didn't eat very much til supper.  It doesn't seem like he's got any less energy than he did before but maybe now he'll be more trainable.  We'll see.  I plan to call sometime this week about obedience classes.  All I want is the basics; come, stay, sit, heel & for him to quit jumping & dribbling on people.  Oh he went upstairs once and has tried again a couple of other times.  Now we put the old coffee table across the bottom step.  I don't think he can get over it.  At least I hope not.

"Tomorrow will be the only normal day we'll have this week"

                                                                                                                         Sunday, October 21, 1990             

     Last week was mostly uneventful.  I had tried the previous week taking Chief out in the back yard on his leash, trying to teach him to sit.  It went ok for a very short time - til he realized I had a pocket full of treats.  Then he just kept jumping on me trying to get those.  I tried it inside the house one day with the same results.  Then I tried it another day without the treats but he still thought I had them.  So I've decided he needs to have real obedience lessons.  I told Guy that but I don't think he took me seriously.  If he doesn't want to pay for it I'll take the money from my own savings.  But I think we'll wait til after he gets fixed.  He'll be old enough next month.  I asked about it when I went to get his refills Friday.  They said he wouldn't need any exam beforehand.  Just call & let them know when we wanted it done.  We'd bring him in on a Tues., Wed., or Thu. afternoon and he'd have to stay two nights.  I told Guy I hate to think of Chief being there all alone & so scared cause he wouldn't know or understand what's going on.  As much as I hate him sometimes, I can't bear to think of him being hurt or all alone like that.  It makes me cry.  But I know it has to be done. 

     Meanwhile, I think the nausea is gone but sometimes I still don't have much of an appetite.  I gained one lb. last week but lost one yesterday.  We see what my official weight is at the OB's tomorrow.

     Either Tues. or Wed. I was laying on the couch watching TV in the aft. & started seeing spots.  When I'd look at something there was a blank spot just to the right of center.  It lasted about an hour & I had a slight headache afterwards.  That's happened before but not for awhile and it wouldn't bother me now if it weren't for the fact I'm pregnant and that for the past two weeks (at least) my eyes have been kind of bloodshot, especially one place on my left eye.  But it didn't really worry me til it happened again on Fri.  It was different this time.  It started while I was at the vet's getting Chief's refills.  I thought maybe it was from the sun reflecting off another car or something but it was worse by the time I got home.  It didn't affect my driving thank goodness.  I could see it when I closed my eyes, like you see spots from a camera flash, but only in the left eyelid.  And this time it had a specific shape.  With the dot representing the point I'm looking at, it looked like this: (she drew a little picture in) curved with one end raggedy.  I laid down til Guy got home and it was better by then.  But it kind of came & went the rest of the night.  It didn't bother me too much when we went out to eat.  Guy said he wanted seafood but neither of us wanted to cook so we went to Red Lobster.  It was very good!  I ate more than I have in awhile but by the time we got home I felt stuffed.  But it was good!  And I still had enough left for both of our suppers last night. 

     Lori called last night.  We'd scheduled this time for her to call if she didn't hear from me by then, just to check & see how I was doing.  I was worried about her too.  She'd told me she'd felt a lump in the side of her breast.  The dr. told her to try cutting out caffeine to see if it would go down.  She's done that for 3 wks. and it hasn't made any difference so she'll be calling him back tomorrow to see what he wants to do next.  I hope it's not bad.
     My OB appt. is tomorrow morning.  When I made the appt. I told them I didn't care what time because I really didn't think I'd make it til then.  But I have and now I have to be there at 10:10 in the morning.  Oh well, I do have a list of things to discuss with him, especially my eyes.
     I didn't go to church today at all.  Deanna had called Tues. to tell us that the fumes from the glue they're using to install the carpeting in the classrooms was overpowering.  Friday she said it was still pretty bad.  So Guy said for me to stay home this morning & he'd see how it was.  He said it wasn't too bad in the auditorium cause they had the fans going but everywhere else was awful.  So he didn't let me go tonight either.
     This coming week will be rough.  He has a security duty exercise from midnight Tues. til noon Fri. He'll be home from noon-8 pm each day but I don't like the idea of being home alone overnight.  Then he has duty on Sat. & Sun.  He's not supposed to have any watches but he'll probably have to work til noon both days.  So tomorrow will be the only normal day we'll have this week. 

"I'm not sure if I'm ready to relax yet"

Mon. Oct. 15, 1990

     Well, Friday was 12 weeks so we're past the point where we lost the first baby.  I'm not sure if I'm ready to relax yet though.  Sometimes I feel like I'm starting to feel better.  There are even moments when I feel like my normal, non-pregnant self.  Mainly when I don't feel nauseous or exhausted.  The nausea is better but it still seems like I can't eat a whole lot without feeling stuffed.  My weight was back up to 107 Sat. so that's good.  Like I was telling Guy when he called at lunch today, I don't feel real tired like I have been but I don't feel like I've got a lot of energy either.  I thought about trying to take over the cooking again but haven't tried it yet.  I'm starting to feel guilty about not doing any housework.  I cleaned off the dining table & coffee table today, kind of.  I feel like I ought to do more sometimes but I'm just so afraid of overdoing it.  Maybe in the next few weeks I'll start to get some energy back.  My next OB appt. is a week from today.
     Becky Kinder called last night.  She's been in the hospital again, for her sinuses this time.  She said they've been having to remove mucous plugs from them about every 3 months and now they're talking about doing surgery to fill them with fat or muscle tissue to prevent the mucous from forming.  She said that they'd have to expose grey matter to do it so she's not sure if she will.  She also may need to have gall bladder surgery but she wants to wait til Dr. Lazarus gets back for that.  She said Dr. L is supposed to be gone for 6 mos. & Dr. Calloway is the best to see while she's gone.  He's the one I've talked to on the phone.  Six mos. means Dr. L will be gone til March.  I sure wish she was gone any other time except while I'm pregnant.

"I just want to get through next week"

Thursday, Oct. 4, 1990

     I'm almost 11 weeks now & it's making me really nervous.  The nausea has started getting better but I still don't feel like eating a big meal.  I lost 3 more lbs last week.  Guy's still cooking.  I think that's helped more than anything, not having to smell what's cooking.
   One thing I don't quite understand - even though I just don't have any energy, it doesn't seem like I'm getting as much sleep as the last time.  Part of it is Chief waking me up after Guy leaves.  It's worse some mornings than others.  But last time I was always ready to go to sleep at 10:00 with Guy instead of staying up til 11:00.  Now, it's only like that every once in awhile.  And I used to sleep from 2:00 in the afternoon til Guy got home at 4:30-5:00.  But even though I usually don't come upstairs til after my story, I hardly ever go right to sleep.  Sometimes I'll sleep for maybe an hour.  Sometimes not at all.  Even when I don't sleep, it's nice to be able to relax away from Chief.  Sometimes he protests for a little while & sometimes I don't hear a peep.  It's getting harder to play with him though.  Besides him getting stronger, he's always bumping or stepping or just plopping down on my stomach.  Besides all the scratching he does. (We're planning to get some clippers fro him this weekend.)
     Guy got upset at me one day.  I don't remember when or even why.  But he said something to the effect that he's here to support me but he doesn't feel like he can with me being so picky about everything.  It may have been something I said about him cleaning.  I told him that I was sorry if I was doing that and that I do need his support and for him to please understand the way I act is probably because I'm so scared and nervous about making it past 11 & 1/2 weeks.  And the closer it gets, the more scared & nervous I get.  And I guess I just don't know how to deal with it.  I want to be close to Guy but I feel like there's some kind of barrier between us.  We don't talk about the baby as much as we did the first one.  And after what happened then, I thought he'd really pamper me this time.  He said all I need to do is laundry & cooking.  He's taken on the cooking so that leaves the laundry.  And to me that's one of the most strenuous things to do - having to pick up a basket full of clothes, having to twist & turn to put them from the washer to the dryer, even just bending down over & over to put them in the washer to start with.
     I know he's tired when he gets home from work but the housework still needs to be done & he just doesn't make the time to do it all enough.  Once it was 2 weeks between cleaning our bathroom.  He did change the towels but the mold in the sink was really starting to get to me.  And even with this air filter, it seems to get dusty so quickly in our room.  But he has dusted more in here than he has downstairs.  I'm just scared to say anything else to him about cleaning so I don't get him upset.
     I just want to get through next week.  If we make it past 11 1/2 weeks, maybe I can start relaxing a little & not be so tense or picky about things, & we can enjoy the pregnancy.

"I just wait for the time to come when the trouble will start again."

Thursday, Sept. 27, 1990

     Guy went with me to see the obstetrician Mon. aft.  His name is Dr. Rand.  He said he'd be my primary doctor but I'd see the others at least once.  They took blood & urine for tests and he did an exam.  I had to fill out all sorts of papers.  He said for me to call the pulmonary clinic if I had any CF problems and they can check with him if they have any questions.  He said they'd probably do a series of ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy to be sure the baby is growing enought because of the nourishment part of my CF.  Guy said something about Champus not paying unless its medically needed & documented.  He said if Champus says they won't pay for so many ultrasounds they'd (drs.) just write them off cause he felt we needed to keep a close eye on the baby's development.  That surprised me & impressed Guy.  He gave me a prescription for Tigan to take when the nausea gets so bad that I can't eat.  I haven't used it yet.  I probably will need it this weekend, seems like that's when it's worst.  We also got a prescription for pre-natal vitamins.  We took it to Boone & Guy picked them up after work the next day.  We got the Tigan at the Revco next to the medical bldg.  I asked Carole about the Tigan & she said it worked for her but it knocked her out for 3-4 hours whenever she took it.  The paper with it had said it could cause drowsiness.
     Dr. Rand said I should come back in a month but to call him if I have any problems before then.  We made an appointment, I think it's Oct. 22.  When she asked if I wanted morning or aft. I said 'it doesn't matter.'  Guy said he thought I'd want aft. since I'm not a morning person.  I think in the back of my mind I was thinking that it doesn't matter when the appt. is because I won't make it to that point anyway.  But I didn't say that.
     Guy & I don't really talk about this pregnancy like we did with the last one.  It's certainly not how I had pictured a second pregnancy.  I thought we'd said after the last one that next time I'd stay in bed from day one.  And it hasn't happened that way at all.  First Janice & Tim came to visit & we were constantly going til I said I had to stay home that last day.  Then I had VBS.  And on top of everything, having to take care of Chief.  Sometimes I think that if I lose this baby it'll be because of him.  I can't stay in bed all I want cause I have to let him out and keep him company for awhile.  He has been letting me sleep later since Guy started feeding him before he goes to work.  But when I'm playing with him in the floor he'll jump on my stomach.  Not that he didn't before.  But it worries me now.  And night before last he scared me so bad I was shaking for a half hour or more.  I was laying on the couch and Guy was in the floor with Chief.  He started zooming around like he usually does and when he came between the couch & piano & end table he started howling & yapping like he was hurt.  My first thought was that somehow the lamp cord was electrocuting him.  I jumped up to see what was going on & the end table was falling over on Guy & Chief.  Guy was trying to get to Chief and then the light went out & I couldn't see & Chief was still howling I was screaming 'what's going on - what happened!?' etc.  I did think to go turn the hall light on & by then Chief was running down the hall to go to his room.  He wet on the floor just outside of it & I figured he'd been peeing all the way down the hall but the place in the kitchen was all we found.  Guy said he'd been trying to pull Chief but he couldn't tell what was wrong but that he wasn't being electrocuted because he would've felt it when he had ahold of his leg if he had been.  The plug had been pulled out of the wall when the table fell is why the light went out.  Guy checked all the cords & it doesn't have a short in it.  That's surprising since that's the 3rd time it's been knocked over lately.  Once by Amy & twice by Chief.  The first time he knocked it over was by jumping up at Guy on the couch, somehow.  Anyway, we were picking up all the stuff off the floor & I was still shaking and my heart was pounding.  Chief finally came back out there but he didn't get too close to the table.  We put that old coffee table top down to where he couldn't go between that space anymore.  Yesterday he kind of sat & looked at it from the dining room side for a minute or two.  But he hasn't tried to go through it again.  Usually when he'd do it is when he & Guy were playing chase and they haven't done that since then.  I'd mentioned one time that we'd have to figure out what to do if he got too big to go through there but still tried to.  The only thing we can figured happened is Guy said he must have gotten a claw caught on the tablecloth & didn't know how to get loose, so he went crazy.  But there wasn't any torn or caught threads that we could find.  He could've gotten his paw or leg hung in the cord where it was hanging down.  We just don't know.  But hopefully he won't be doing that any more.
     Meanwhile, we had our Empty Arms meeting Mon. night.  We went a little early so we could talk to Ann about telling everyone we're expecting.  She said to wait & see who all came & if anyone new was there we'd probably need to wait til the end.  There was a new couple there (engaged) so we didn't say anything when we introduced ourselves.  In the middle of the meeting Cathy Rudolph said she thought we should discuss how everyone would feel about someone still coming to the group if they got pregnant again.  She said she was starting to think about trying again & she knew we were trying again.  I was sure she knew.  I figured Molly had mentioned it in a letter to her.  Other people started talking and I looked at Guy and at Ann.  She started wiggling her eyebrows & smiling and I started getting nervous about saying anything.  Most everyone was saying that they thought it would be ok because that wouldn't change the fact that they'd already lost a baby.  And Kim said she thought that someone getting pregnant would give her hope that she would again too.  When everyone stopped talking for a minute I whispered to Guy that I was too chicken & for him to say it.  So he said 'since you brought the subject up...Ellen's pregnant.'  I heard a lot of gasps & oh's but the only one I saw their direct reaction was Bridgette.  She said 'oh!' & put her hands to her mouth & smiled.  Kim said 'you sneak' or something like that and 'I asked you last time & you didn't say anything!'  Everyone said congratulations & good luck.  We only talked about it a couple of minutes before moving on to something else.  It was kind of a relief to let everyone know.  But it still felt a little funny to be the only one there in this situation.  I'm not sure how the new couple felt about it but they did talk a lot later about their situation.  Guy said we didn't want to upset anyone by still coming while we're pregnant but nobody said they were upset.  I plan to ask Ann before the next meeting if anyone's said to her since then that it did or would bother or upset them for us to be there.  I think it would help me to still go at least til we make it past the point of the last time.  If everything's going ok after that I think it would be upsetting to me to go & listen to everyone talking about their losses.  I haven't mentioned it to Guy so I don't know how he feels about it.  I'm not really thinking too far ahead though.  I just wait for the time to come when the trouble will start again.

"I'm afraid people are going to start suspecting...I'm pregnant..."

Sunday, Sept. 23, 1990

     I didn't get to sleep late Friday because I had to be up for the termite man to come.  They said he'd be here sometime between 8-noon.  I got up at 7 I think.  But I had already gotten up & eaten with Guy.  I made the cake for the Singles Fellowship & cleaned house a little then rested.  Guy got home around 10:30.  We called to find out about the movies & none of them started til 2:00.  So I worked on my stuff for Young Light.  I thought Guy would finish cleaning but he waited til we got back.  We saw Presumed Innocent.  It was pretty good but I got a little confused sometimes.
     We had to fix the vegetables & finish the cake when we got back.  Guy fixed me a hot dog while I took a quick shower.  Then he took a shower while I was eating.  We had everything ready by the time people started arriving.  There were about 10 Singles here.  Linda Pugh had planned to come but had told Mary to let us know she wouldn't be here.  Mark had just informed her that the speaker for the men's retreat was going to be spending the night with them Sat. & she needed to clean house.  Plus being tired from teaching all week (her 3rd week).  Everyone enjoyed themselves I think.  Susan Richardson had sent the tape of the A.F. Dinner & that was fun to watch.  They all left by 10:30, which surprised me.
     I took it easy yesterday, letting Guy go to the grocery store without me.  I stayed in bed a lot of the time.  First I read the paper then took a nap.  I had intended (& had asked Guy) to have a devotional at 3:00, when they'd be having Vivian's funeral.  But I was asleep & Guy didn't wake me up til 4:00.  He has mentioned it in our prayers since we found out though.
     Daddy called last night to tell me about it.  I figured he would eventually.  I didn't think he'd realize who she was, that she was a friend of mine, but I figured Linda Thompson (preacher's wife) would say something to him cause she worked with her & knew we were friends.
     He did surprise me when he said he was thinking about coming to see us.  I've always wished he could come out here but now that he says he might, I'm afraid for him to.  He'd have to change planes and I'm scared he'd get lost at the airport, especially if it's Atlanta.  He said he was going to check the rates but he'd leave it up to us when to come so he wouldn't interfere with our schedule.  I don't know, it's a little hard to picture him actually coming out here.  Maybe if Judy could come with him I'd feel better.  But she probably couldn't afford it.  I'll mention it to her in the next letter.
     I've been tired all day today.  It started with Chief waking us up at 5:00.  Guy let him out & he pooped.  Not too long after, he started yapping.  Guy went down & found the problem, he'd wet in his room.  So he cleaned it up & put him back in.  He was quiet then but I don't think either of us got back to sleep.  He started whining while Guy was in the shower.  So I was plenty ready for a nap this afternoon.
     In fact, I was ready during class this morning.  I'm afraid people are going to start suspecting cause I'm doing the things I did last time I was pregnant: leaning my head on Guy's shoulder, drinking juice during church, & sitting down in the middle of songs.  Guy said Deanna asked him this morning if he was doing more cooking now.  I said 'what made her ask that?' & he said she probably thinks I'm sick.  She was sitting right behind us in class this morning.  It still seems stranged to me that she asked.
     I slept a little fitfully this aft.  I think I was coughing a lot.  When I got up it felt like I couldn't catch my breath enough.  Guy said I should stay home tonight & I didn't argue.  I've stayed upstairs cross-stitching most of the time til my tailbone got numb & I decided to write some.  Guy should be home within the next half hour.
     I forgot to mention how Chief did Fri. night.  We planned to leave him in his cage the whole time but he put up such a fuss Guy put him outside.  That wasn't any better & I couldn't stand it so I told Guy I'd hold him in my lap the whole time.  We ended up taking turns holding him & he did ok for awhile.  Then he started getting restless.  But instead of being scared of everyone this time, he wanted to check everyone out.  No one seemed to object so we let him go around while Guy was making announcements.  When we started putting the food out I thought Guy was watching him & I guess he thought I was.  Deanna came & said Chief peed on her foot.  So Guy took him outside and got Deanna a rag to wash her foot.  He went in his cage after that & did ok for awhile, while we were watching the tape.  He slept for a little bit I think.  But eventually Guy took him outside & let him stay out of his room after that.  So except for getting Deanna he did pretty good.  At least it was better than last time

"I hope that guy gets the book thrown at him."

Thursday, Sept. 20, 1990

     Nancy called me this morning.  I was surprised to hear from her & figured she was calling to tell me she's pregnant.  But she said she had bad news.  She said Vivian (Hay) Totty had been in a car accident last week & died yesterday morning.  She & Sandra were on their way home from Searcy and had crossed over the White River Bridge.  They were on the curve near the grain bins when a driver came over in their lane.  She said at first everyone thought he was trying to pass another car going that way but the driver of that car said it looked like he was leaning over & not paying attention.  But then he apparently saw he was on the wrong side and tried to go on across to the other shoulder to get out of the way.  But he hit not straight head-on, but head-on on the right (passenger) side.  Nancy said she didn't know what kind of car they'd had but the guy was in a pickup.  Maybe the worst part of all is that Sandra was driving.  I had just gotten a letter from Vivian a couple of weeks ago & she said Sandra was going into the 9th grade.  So she's probably 15 & has had her learner's permit for a year or so.  Her legs were hurt but not broken.  They both had on their seatbelts but it apparently didn't help Vivian.  I can't remember what all Nancy said was broken but the worst thing was her head injury.  They had to pry the vehicles apart and cut to get Vivian out.  She was in the hospital at Searcy for a day.  When her brain began to swell they took her to LR.  They were able to drain fluid but it kept swelling or swelled again.  She was in a coma the whole time & never woke up.  I don't know if she died on her own or they disconnected her from machines.  But she apparently never really had a chance. 
     Nancy heard that the guy is from Bald Knob, is either 17 or 19, and has been arrested more than once for drunk driving.  She wasn't sure if he was drunk this time.  I guess he's ok cause she didn't mention him having to go to the hospital.
     Sandra is going to have a really hard time with this I'm sure.  Nancy sai she'd heard that she said maybe if Vivian was driving they wouldn't have had the accident.  But who knows.  They could've both died.  Whenever something like this happens you always wonder 'what if' and ask 'why'?  Just like when we lost the baby.  And it's so frustrating to have no answers. 
     I sent Vivian a birthday card in July for the first time in years.  We hadn't written to each other for a long, long time but had started again since this past xmas.  It makes you wonder about how come all of a sudden we decide to do certain things.  I just know I'm glad that we had begun writing again and especially glad I sent her that BD card.
     I called Guy at his class to tell him & he said we'd go to the florist when he got home to send some flowers.  Nancy had told me the funeral is Sat. at 2 at the funeral home in Augusta.  We went over to Farm Fresh and I was surprised at how much funeral arrangements cost.  Guy said not to worry about the cost. 
     I sent sympathy cards to Vivian's parents.  I had to call Nancy to check on their address.  I used my whole name on their card so hopefully they'll remember who I am.
     Nancy said she sent flowers from the class.  I asked if she needed help paying for that.  She said she'd talked to Eva Rose - there was money left over from our reunion. 
     It's just so sad to think that someone you know is ok one minute and gone the next.  And leaving two children behind that her husband will have to raise alone now.  I think of the fun times we had in high school.  And when I played the piano at their wedding, I started playing the final march when they started kissing instead of waiting til they started walking down the aisle.  It's just so sad to think she's gone.  I hope she didn't feel all the pain she was in.  And I hope that guy gets the book thrown at him.
     I didn't sleep well last night.  I was having a bad dream & it seemed to continue every time I went back to sleep.  I couldn't get to sleep again after Guy left.  Mon. & Tues. it was because Chief yapped.  Yesterday it was because Chief knocked over the end table.  This morning it was the dream.  Every morning I didn't get back to sleep til 7 then slept til 10.  But I can't do that tomorrow cause they're supposed to come do the termite inspection anywhere from 8-noon tomorrow.
     Guy's supposed to be finished with his school at 10 in the morning.  He wants to go to a movie tomorrow aft. then we have the Singles fellowship here tomorrow night.  So I'm going to be a tired puppy tomorrow unless I can sleep good tonight.

"I should've kept my mouth shut."

Mon. Sept. 17, 1990

     Carole was at church last night & I asked her about my losing 2 lbs.  She said it's not uncommon to lose a little in the beginning but to try not to loose too much.  She said to eat milkshakes with a raw egg mixed in - that you can't taste the egg.  Guy said he'll get me some ice cream.  He'd already mentioned making me milkshakes.
     Chief woke me up this morning right after Guy turned off the shower.  I was still awake when he came out so I went downstairs.  He fixed me a piece of cinnamon toast.  After he left I read a little while & went back to sleep.  While he was fixing the toast I laid down on the couch & covered all up so Chief couldn't get to me.  But he came and started scratching and pulling on the afghan.  I started hollering but he wouldn't stop so I started to holler for Guy but I started crying & couldn't hardly talk so I didn't think he'd hear me so I was crying more.  But he did hear me & came & spanked Chief & made him go to his room.  He asked what he did & I told him he'd scratched my nose.  He said it only looked like a little red spot & I said it was through the afghan so it wasn't too bad, but I couldn't get him to stop.  I'm really not sure why I was crying cause it didn't really hurt that much.
     Anyway, I was only awake about an hour but I'd been up til almost 11:30 watching the Emmys.  I didn't wake up til about 9:15.  I didn't hear Chief til I had to open the door to go get my nebulizer.  He did ok once I got downstairs.  He kept wanting to go outside & I could tell he needed to poop but he never would til the 3rd time.  It's a lot cooler today so I had to get my sweater to go out with him.  I spent the rest of the morning through part of my story working on my family letter.  For awhile he laid down by me & slept.  When I went to get sandwich meat for lunch, it had started turning so that turned my appetite off.  Later I defrosted a weiner & had that & some chips.  I'd taken an orange out but never got around to eating it.  I don't know if that's why I developed a headache or not.  But I first noticed it after I finished my letter & ate and sat down to watch my story.  It kind of came & went.  I put Chief up when it was over and came up to take a shower.  Guy said for me to be ready at 3:00 so we could go straight to the library to return out books cause he'd have a lot of homework to do.  I didn't notice my headache again til I got out of the shower.  Guy got home about 10 til 3, just as I was putting my shoes on.  We went to look for another book I wanted before but they still didn't have it.  I rechecked one on nutrition.
     By the time we got home my headache was worse & steady.  Guy took Chief for a walk & I started to lay down but decided to do books instead.  My headached didn't bother me while I was doing that but started again after I finished.  I laid down on the couch & Guy started his homework.  The TV was bothering me but Guy wanted it on so I thought if I just laid still long enough it would go away.  Chief was chewing one of his sticks over by Guy & I told him to warn me if he headed my way.  I guess I laid there for almost 1 & 1/2 hours.  I don't think I really slept cause I heard the TV the whole time.  Then all of a sudden Chief jumped on me & it scared me so bad.  I jumped, I guess it took my breath away.  Guy said he hadn't even heard Chief get up.  He had asked me earlier if I wanted to take something. I told him I'd like to get by without having to.  I don't know if it had gone away but it was definitely back after Chief scared me.  I asked Guy to get me some Tylenol.  He asked why didn't I go upstairs. I said I didn't think I could make it up the stairs & hoped I could just lay still & it would go away.  He said I needed quiet instead of the TV going.  I came up here at 6:30 & he said he'd get me up in about an hour for supper.  I didn't go to sleep but my head did feel better when he came for me.  I just took it easy the rest of the evening.  My head hasn't bothered me any more.  Guy said it was probably because I didn't eat enough today.  I said I ate just as little a couple of days last week & didn't get a headache.  It's funny though - just yesterday I mentioned that I haven't been getting headaches like last time.  I should've kept my mouth shut.  Hopefully I can sleep through the night & Chief (or Guy) won't wake me up in the morning.