"We ended up in Maryland."

Sat., February 1, 1992

     Well, we finally got to Nick & Tina's a little after 9:00 last night. Guy had written down the directions Nick gave him over the phone & was having me read them to him. I couldn't tell what went with what the way he divided the lines up. We couldn't find the exit we were looking for so he turned around & went the other way. We ended up in Maryland. So we turned around again & went for miles & miles before finding the exit. Meanwhile Ez. was screaming her head off. I finally crawled over to sit in the back with her & give her a bottle but she didn't go to sleep. I had to just keep trying different things to keep her quiet but nothing worked for long.

     When we finally got to their street we couldn't see the house numbers. We drove on down & turned around & came back to where we thought it was & there was a man on the sidewalk & Guy said it looked like Nick. He rolled down the window & said "Hey Nick-is that you?" & it was. So here we are.

     Ez. didn't go to sleep til after 10:00. She woke up about 3 times, started at about 3:30. Finally she wouldn't go back to sleep at 6:30 so Guy took her down & gave her a bottle. They were already up with Evan & offered to take care of Ez. so we could sleep some more. We got up at 8:00 & ate at 9:00.

     They rented a movie to watch this aft. -L.A. Story- with Steve Martin. It was funny but pretty strange. Ez. slept for about 1&1/2 hrs. this morning & a little over an hour this aft. We'd planned to take a drive into DC just before sunset so we could see the scenery along the way and then see all the buildings lit up in DC. We were a little late getting started then had to stop for gas & went through the car wash. So we didn't see much scenery. There were lots of huge houses &/or mansions along the way, a winding 2-lane road. Some houses you could tell were owned by very rich people. Once it got dark & Ez. finished her bottle she got fussy. I'd fed her & started her bottle just before we left & didn't think to take a bottle of juice or two, too. I finally managed to hum her to sleep but she woke up when we stopped at a traffic light. She made a lot of grunting noises so I thought she'd pooped. Nick eventually found a place to pull over in DC & Guy checked her diaper. It wasn't poopy but he changed her anyway. We just drove around & looked at a few buildings then came back. When we were in the lights I read her books to her over & over. Once we were out of the city & it was dark again she started in again. Luckily it didn't take us as long to get back cause we didn't take the scenic route. We were all in Nick & Tina's station wagon, starting out with Nick & Guy in front, Evan, Ez. & me in the back seat, and Brian & Tina in the rear-facing seat. When we stopped for Ez., Guy & Tina traded places cause she was feeling a little nauseous. Seems like she gets tired pretty easily. She said she'll never be back to 100%. She goes every 3 mos. for checkups, soon to be every 4 mos. If she makes it to November without any new problems, she'll be 2 yrs. from when she finished chemotherapy and will be considered cured. I sure hope she's going to be ok. I can't imagine what it would be like to go through something like that. Especially being 6 mos. pregnant. She said the treatments killed her ovaries so she has to take hormones.

"That's one thing I haven't worried about."

Thursday, Jan. 30, 1992

     Yesterday we went to visit Ann Prescott at the hospital & got to talk to her for about 30 minutes. She's doing pretty good. Before we saw her we went across the street to see Carol Ficklen. She hasn't changed much. She & Andy are trying to start their family now.

     Ez's 9-mo. checkup was yesterday afternoon. She weighs 20&1/2 lbs. & 30&1/2". Dr Karp said she's doing good. Everything we asked her about she said not to worry about. The only thing she was concerned about is that she's not pulling up yet. That's one thing I haven't worried about. She said she should be doing that by her 12-mo. checkup. She tried to get her to stand up but she wouldn't so she gave her to Guy to try & she only kind of did for him. Dr. Karp said most babies won't "perform" when the parents are telling her what they can do. There was a medical student with her but he didn't do anything.

     She talked to us again about testing Ez. for CF. She said there's not anything she'd do differently to treat her whether she has it or not. We told her we'd think about it. I'm just afraid that if she is diagnosed with it, she'll never be able to get any insurance, medical or life.

     Today we went to work in the church library. Guy ended up doing most of the work. Luana kept her down in the office but when I went down to check on her she was getting pretty fussy. I gave her a bottle of juice & when she was almost done I realized it was almost lunch time. So I got her lunch ready to feed her & I didn't have her spoon or bib. I had to feed her with a regular spoon & she did ok. She seemed like she was ready for a nap so I went to the nursery to rock her to sleep. She just wanted to look around at every-thing. So I went up to the library & Guy was almost done restacking the cassette tapes. He said he'd watch her while I typed up cards for some new books. He came downstairs before I was done & walked around with her til she fell asleep. We finished up upstairs & then waited til she woke up instead of waking her to leave. We went to Wal-Mart to get some stuff.

     I forgot to mention that Dr. Karp said Ez. can have dairy products now. She said to just use up whatever formula we have left the switch to whole milk. But we're going to just add the two together and gradually increase the ratio of milk to formula. We started this morning with 4 oz. formula & 2 oz. milk. So far so good.

     Guy washed my car this aft. & even dusted & vacuumed inside too. Tomorrow we're going to visit Nick & Tina for the weekend. They live somewhere near DC. They used to be here in the Navy but they went to Central. We lived in the same apartments way back then. Tina & Guy hit it off. Nick is quiet like me. They're from TN. Brian was a baby then. I'm not sure how old he is now but Evan is almost 2. Tina says he's a tiger. It should be an interesting weekend. Tina had to have surgery about 1&1/2 years ago for a brain tumor. We didn't know about it til months later.

This is my 100th blog post!

This is my 100th blog post!!!

     In honor of this milestone, I just wanted to take a minute to thank everyone who has ever taken the time to read any of my posts. I started this blog a little over two years ago, and I never imagined it would be so well-received. Since starting this blog, overall it has had over 5,000 views. I've even had viewers read it from outside the United States. People in places like Russia, Germany, Australia, the U.K., France, Canada, Romania, Latvia, & Poland are even reading my blog, and on a pretty regular basis too! I never would have thought this blog could be successful internationally, but it is!

     This blog means more to me than anyone could possibly imagine. Yes, I do have memories of my mom. She didn't die until I was 6. I have pretty clear memories all the way back to when I was 2. So I never didn't remember my mom. But what 6 year old is capable of actually knowing their mother? That's what these journals have been to me. I've had numerous people tell me as I was growing up what my mom was like, but these journals have been the key to me knowing my mom as a person. It helps me see in what ways we were alike and in what ways we were different. And it makes me want to be an amazing mother one day.

     So thank you ALL who have read these posts up to this point! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

Tuesday, January 28, 1992

     Yesterday was Mom's 78th birthday. I sent her a card last week even though I know she won't know the difference. When I was rocking Ez. to sleep Sun. night I was talking to her about Mom - how I wish she could have known her before she got sick. How I hope Daddy will stay well so that she'll get old enough to remember him that way, cause I can only remember Papa as a sick old man.

     I never really had figured it up until now how old of kids we'd have now if we'd been able to get pregnant according to the way we'd planned things. Our oldest would have been 9 yrs. old this month. We started seriously trying in April 1982 which would've made the baby due in January 1983. Then we would've tried again between his going to school in CA and going to the Persian Gulf in 1985 and that baby would've come in Jan. '86. If we'd waited til he got back from that cruise, it wouldn't have been born til May '86. So the second one would be 5&1/2 or 6. We would've tried again after his S. American cruise which ended just before xmas '87. That baby would've been born in Sept. or Oct. '88 & be 3 yrs. old now. Then we would've tried again while he was on shore duty & probably have aimed for having that baby in June '91, making it 6 mo. old now.

     It's practically impossible to imagine having that many kids or any that old now. Life as we know it now would not be remotely the same. And I'd probably feel twice as old as I feel now.

     Of course, if we hadn't lost the first baby, it would've been born in June '90 & be 19 months old now. But we probably wouldn't have Elizabeth now if the other baby had been ok because we wouldn't have been trying again with it only 2 mos. old.

     I know it doesn't do any good to wonder about how things might have been. I don't think about it as often as I used to. I'm just so thankful that we do have Elizabeth now & that she's healthy & growing even though she's growing too fast.

     I figured out when I was in college that the older you get, the faster time goes by. But since Ez. was born it seems like the days are flying by.

     Sat. was a nice day. Ez. took long naps in the morning and afternoon. We rented & watched two movies. Robin Hood (w/Kevin Costner) and City Slickers. Both were pretty good but not as good as I'd expected. But it was nice to sit & snuggle on the couch, eating popcorn, watching the fireplace.

     I can't remember anything special happening on Sun. We stayed in yesterday - it was rainy & gloomy most of the day. The sun came out in the aft. & Guy took Chief for a walk. He didn't get to run around loose cause there were a lot of kids playing in the street.

     We rearranged the living room yesterday. We moved the end table at this end of the couch cause it's too easy for Ez. to pull it over. (It's a 3-legged table with a floor-length tablecloth.) We set the lamp on top of the piano, scooted the couch down in front of the end of the piano, moved the other end table along with the couch, and slid the word processor table into the space that created, making a little more room in the dining room. We took the books off the shelf unit and scooted it down to make room by the fireplace for the end table & lamps where the newspaper stacker was. The stacker is on the other side of the fireplace now with the chair moved out some. I don't like it sticking out as much as it is but Haven't figured out what to do about it yet. I put away my bunnies from the top of the bookcase, then put the plants on top of it. I'll have to start keeping the watering can under the kitchen sink again. Can't think of any other use for that table so we'll probably take it apart & put it away. The hard part is going to be keeping the coffee table cleared off. Even though Ez. isn't crawling or pulling up she rolls around quite a bit and has bumped that end table a couple of times. It's getting harder to keep her from getting Chief's toys. I found her on her play quilt yesterday with his booda bone in her lap. I don't know if he gave it to her or just left it within her reach. One thing he's started doing is taking his ball & dropping it in front of her. I don't understand that cause he knows she can't throw it for him without help. He always likes for us to fight him for the ball instead of "fetching". But if Ez. tries to get it from him he'll back off & let her have it. A few times I've sat in the floor with her on my lap & when she gets the ball I'll take her hand and help her throw it for him. (Guy finally trimmed Chief's nails yesterday so it doesn't sound like he's ripping up the carpet when he's running.)

     I think Ez. is starting to understand the word "no". I try not to say it too much. I'll also say "un uh", or "leave that alone" or "not for baby". It's mainly when she tries to get in the kitchen trash or in the diaper changing stuff downstairs. It's interesting to watch her reactions though. First I'll say her name & she'll stop & turn around & look at me. Then I'll say "no" or whatever & she'll look back & forth a time or two & then let go when I say something again. Then she'll do it again, same way. The third time after I say it I go & if she's still touching it, swat her hand, say it again & move her to a different spot. No fussing about it so far.

"...we don't have any money to spare these days."

Saturday, Jan. 25, 1992

     I got up with Ez. this morning & let Guy sleep til 9:00. We've both been getting up this past week & eating breakfast together. I told Guy I wanted one morning to sleep late next week. I wish she didn't wake up at 7:00 every morning. Sometimes it's 6 or 6:30 when I first hear her. I try to hold her off from eating before 7:30. Til 8:00 if I can, hoping that will keep her from waking up so early. I think the sun coming in her windows is what wakes her up sometimes - one cloudy morning she slept til nearly 8:00. Sometimes she wakes up with a messy diaper. I think it would help if we could block the sun from her windows. They have drapery liners in the Sears catalog that I'd like to order but we don't have any money to spare these days.

     I got some sewing done yesterday - finished some overalls and two pair of sweatpants. The sweats were easy. Guy had to put the snaps on the overalls for me. I got started on a onesie and still have a shirt to make (to match the overalls). Then I'll have everything made that I already had cut out. She doesn't really need any more clothes right now.

     We've been getting along pretty good this week. I don't think we've been getting on each other's nerves too much. It still feels like we're an "old married couple" now though.

"...a new resolution: to write every day. We'll see how long it lasts."

Thursday, Jan. 23, 1992

     A new notebook! And a new resolution: to write every day. We'll see how long it lasts.

     This afternoon we went to Leigh Memorial Hosp. to see Mark Pugh. He had surgery yesterday to extend his lower jaw. His mouth will be wired shut about 2-3 weeks & he'll be on a liquid diet & unable to talk all that time. I took him some old copies of Texas Highways magazines that were still laying around. Some I haven't even read yet, even though they were 2-3 years old. But I figured if I haven't read them by now I never would.

     I don't have the time to read like I used to. I've read more while Guy's been home but I'm so far behind in y magazines I don't know when I'll be able to catch up. I'm going to let my subscription to McCall's expire this time. 

     I finally made some cookies tonight. Guy's been wanting me to make some since xmas. He ended up helping with them - he was so anxious to get some. I don't know how many he ate. I had two.

     Ez. is finally starting to try chewing on things. But instead of swallowing what she bites off she spits it out. And she still spits out any baby food that has any chunks in it. We've also tried feeding her real slices of carrots & bananas. She just likes to smush them up. She's also into swinging her arms around, banging on the table, and swiping things off the table. We give her a spoon sometimes just so she can get used to it. It usually ends up on the floor though. We bought a vinyl tablecloth to put under her chair. It goes from the wall to about halfway under the table and about a foot out from each side of it. I thought it would be easy to clean up til we discovered the Dust Buster doesn't work any more. Now I have to get down & wipe everything up.

     We finally got the xmas decorations down yesterday. The living room looks spacier now. I put away all the bunnies that were sitting on the top of the bookcase then put my plants up there. They should get enough sunlight there & they'll be out of Ez.'s way. I'll have to keep the watering can under the kitchen sink. That's something else we'll have to do soon - put latches on all the cabinets. She's still not crawling but when she's in her walker she tries to open the ones that have handles on them. A couple of times this week she's taken a step or two forward in her walker. She still goes mostly backwards & sideways though. She may turn out to be one of those babies that never crawl & just start pulling up & walking.

     I should write about the Pugh's going-away party. It was at the Cuthrell's last Friday. We made lasagna & since ours was one of the last ones put out, we had lots left. After eating, they had a roast. I made up a list - "12 Things I Never Saw a Preacher Do...Until I met Mark Pugh." Some things were funnier than others. I'll copy it down later. After that I was going to do a Razorback yell. I'd put on my Razorback sweatshirt. I tried to talk Guy into it beforehand but he said maybe so I figured he was going to give me a hard time til then and then do it. But when I was ready to do that part he just sat there. I said "you're going to make me do this by myself aren't you?" & he said yes. Then other people started saying oh, come on Guy & everyone started yelling for him to & his face turned red but he finally got up there & did it with me. Everyone got a big kick out of that. A few people said something about it at church Sun. about they never would've expected such a thing of me cause I'm so quiet. I was so embarrassed when we were doing it but after it was over I was glad we did. I didn't admit that to anyone but Guy.

     Kathy Dotson came over & stayed with Elizabeth. Philip came with her. She wouldn't let us pay her though. We'd told her we'd be back by 10:30 & we were a little late. I don't know what time it ended cause they were still going when we left. We'd asked Barb if she could keep her but she didn't want to come over here. I thought Ez. would probably do better if she could go to sleep in her own bed instead of at someone else's house & I guess it worked cause Kathy said she didn't have any trouble at all. I do wish we had a regular babysitter. I sure do miss Deanna.

"Now we have to make it through almost 3 yrs. of sea duty."

Wed., Jan. 22, 1992

     Things have been going pretty well lately. Ez. started sleeping better at night. She hasn't taken any naps longer than about an hour except for a 2-hr. one this past Mon.

     It was kind of nice having Guy go back to work last week but it's nice to have him home again. So he's finally through with his shore leave. In a way it was a long 3 yrs. cause he had to put in so much overtime and it wasn't the easy-going atmosphere like it was at his last shore duty. Now we have to make it through almost 3 yrs. of sea duty. I sure don't look forward to his first cruise. I told him one day when he got home from work that I might like having him work every other week. We're trying to keep Ez. on a better schedule while he's off this time.

     He took the chiefs test again the day before he left SIMA. He said this was the hardest one ever. He always says that but he said everyone else was saying that this time. This'll be his last time to take the test. He got his best evils. ever this time - straight 4.0's and he was ranked this time where he never has been before. I sure hope he makes it this time.

     I don't think I wrote about New Year's Eve. Mark & Linda Pugh invited us over for the party they had for the Singles. It was pretty fun & Ez. did pretty good. She was awake til about 10:30. She slept through all the noise at midnight - the teens came over from their party at the building with lots of noisemakers. She woke up when we put her in the car but I sat in the back & gave her a bottle on the way home. She didn't wake up when we got home but she didn't sleep late the next morning.

     She just turned 9 mos. Sunday. I still can't believe how fast she's growing. We got the video camera out Mon. to make some tape of her & the camera fell off the tripod. Guy was so upset. He called Sears to see if that was covered under the maintenance agreement. They said it wasn't, so then he was even more upset. Tues. he took it over to the service center but didn't tell them it fell. They fixed it for free. It was recording the sound but not pictures. It's fine now. Then he took the tripod to the store to get a refund. They were going to just exchange it because they discovered a crack in the piece where the camera fits on. When she went to get another one the girl found they were all cracked. So he paid the extra money to get the $100 model. They did let him have 10% off because I'd bought the first one when they had a special sale day where everything in the store was 10% off. This one has thicker legs & it looks sturdier - it goes up higher too. We just taped a little bit to be sure it worked. I want to just run the tape showing Ez. playing in the floor. It's hard to get her to act natural in front of the camera sometimes, she just wants to look at it.

     She's started saying dada this week but not necessarily to Guy. Nothing that sounds like mama yet.

     Well, time to start a new notebook. I bought one before our trip, thinking I'd need it while we were gone. If I was able to write as much as I wanted I'd go through notebooks a lot faster.

January 17, 1992

January 19, 1992

"...he said to just let him live his life."

Sat., January 4, 1992

     I guess we had a good first Christmas with Elizabeth. It wasn't exactly like I'd pictured it. I figured she'd be crawling by now and wanting to get into the tree & the presents. Whenever we'd first turn the tree lights on, she'd watch them blink for a couple of minutes then look for something else to do. When it came to opening packages xmas morning, she helped pull the bows off once I'd start them. I think she liked all the things Santa brought. We may have gone a little overboard but not too much. I intend to start a word processor disk to list all her xmas & birthday presents so she can remember or look back on it when she grows up. Sometimes I think back to certain things I got for xmas and wish I could remember when it was.

     Anyway, we sat her down in the middle of things and showed her her new toys & things one at a time. She seemed to get excited about each new thing. And we got it all on video tape! I'm so glad we got that camera, even if it's taking forever to pay for it. One of Guy's xmas presents was a tripod so we could all be in the picture together.

     That afternoon we went over to Mike & Carole's. There was a girl there that Carole works with, her daughter, (her husband's at sea), and a friend of hers (male). We took Chief with us. He did ok. Better there than he did in the car. We laid half of the back seat down. I had to finally hold his leash &/or collar to get him to be still and even then he wasn't still and was constantly whining. I don't know how but he's got to learn to behave in the car, especially now that Elizabeth is back there.

     In case I haven't mentioned it, I took Ez. in for a weight check the week after our trip. She was 19 & 1/2 lbs. & the nurse said that was close enough to turn her car seat forward. We have it in the middle of the back seat (except when Chief went along). One of us still has to sit back there with her sometimes when she gets fussy & won't go to sleep without a bottle. Sometimes we even have to stop on the side of the road for me to move from front to back. Once I even switched at a stop light. Hopefully she'll get used to being in the back seat alone soon.

     Back to xmas day. We went over about 1:30 or 2:00 & stayed til 7-8? (I can't remember now.) Carole fixed Cornish hens & they were good. I gave what I couldn't eat of mine to Guy. She also made yeast rolls. I made a pecan pie & black-eyed peas. She made everything else. It was a good dinner. We ate around 5. After supper we played a new game - Shanghai rummy. It was a bit hard but fun. It reminded me a little of Yahtzee. There were 13 hands. You got 11 cards each time. We used two & eventually three decks of cards. Each hand you had to get different things. I think the first hand was two sets of three. The next hand was a set of 3 & a run of 4. It got progressively harder. One hand required a run of 10 plus something else. If you weren't the one to go out, you counted the points left in your hand to go against you. The player with the fewest points at the end was the winner. I was at the opposite end.

     Guy & I had to take turns with Ez. while we were playing. She slept some while we were there but not much. We tried to feed her supper while we were there (she'd finally eaten some bananas at lunch) but she wouldn't take any solids.

     Her appetite finally came back last Sun. I think. She finished her Amoxicillin on New Year's Eve. We still gave her the Proventil for another day cause it sounded a little rumbling in her chest. Both her head & chest seem to be clear now - knock on wood. She'll need her 9-mo. shots soon so she needs to be well for that.

     For our anniversary this year we went to a different place, one Gayle Hardison recommended. Steinhilber's. It's down past where Mike & Carole live (they kept Ez.) on the water but we didn't see a view. Gayle said to ask for a table downstairs & that's what we got. It was a little chilly but I didn't have long sleeves on. (I wore the dress I'd made for our pictures.) But the food was terrific. We got their specialty - fried shrimp. It was delicious. But they didn't do anything special for our ann. That's why we stopped going to Tandom's - because they quit doing anything extra for our ann. Maybe we can find something else next year.

     Guy gave me a cassette case & three cassettes for our ann. He told me ahead of time that he didn't get me anything romantic. I got him the watch he'd asked for for xmas. I've decided not to get him any really expensive one any more cause he wears them our too fast.

     After we ate we drove around looking at xmas lights before going to get Ez. Carole had just gotten her to sleep and when we rang the doorbell Katie (the dog) started barking & woke her up. She was screaming by the time we got in but she was ok by the time I got her down stairs to see her Daddy.

     I forgot to mention Luana Carter kept Ez. xmas eve aft. while we went to see Star Trek VI. It was pretty good but I don't think it's my favorite. We went to the theater over by the base. It was nice. Ez. did good at Luana's.

     Guy's arm is doing better. He had a smaller cast put on then when they took the staples out they put on a removable splint. He was only supposed to take it off to take showers and he was real good about leaving it on. Yesterday morning they removed it for good. He still has one week convalescent leave. He's not supposed to do any heavy lifting for another month. He'll be on the ship by then. There's a couple of exercises they told him to do but I haven't seen him doing them much yet. I'm not going to nag him about it though. We had a "discussion" one night. He said I was wanting him to do more around the house & then when he tried to do anything, I'd tell him he'd hurt his arm. I asked what he wanted me to do & he said to just let him live his life. So that's what I've been trying to do the past few days. He says he's not mad at me & I'm not mad at him, but things just seem different any more. I thought once we finally had the baby we wanted for so long that everything would be wonderful. But sometimes it's like we're further apart than ever. It's like we're both giving everything we've got to Elizabeth and there's nothing left to give to each other. He said something about maybe we're just around each other too much since he's been on leave. He may be right about that. I've tried to keep a regular schedule but it's really been hard. Ez. isn't taking very good naps any more & since she's been sick she doesn't sleep as well at night any more. We try to take turns getting up with her & sleeping in but seems like I'm always tired and/or getting headaches. We've started staying up late and I just can't do that & get up with Ez. in the mornings. It's going to be rough at first when Guy goes back to work. Once he goes back to work he's only got a week before he leaves there. He's going to take a couple of weeks off before reporting to the ship. There's a guy from church who's on the Opportune & he said they'll be at Key West the whole month of Feb. So he'll have to go to work at the transit personnel something-or-other til the ship gets back. They're supposed to go in the yards for 3 mos. in April but they don't know where yet. Don't know when their first big cruise is but I already dread it. It's going to be so hard taking care of Ez. & Chief by myself.

"I'm worried that this means she has CF."

Friday, Dec. 27, 1991

     Since that night I was writing about things are getting better I guess. The next night after that (or the next) I was getting ready to take my shower while Guy was getting Ez. ready for bed. I heard a big noise from the other bathroom & asked if everything was ok. He didn't say anything so I figured it was ok or he didn't hear me. Then a couple of seconds later Ez. started screaming. I ran over there as fast as I could. He was bringing her out & said she was ok. He'd had her on his lap to brush her teeth and she'd leaned back & he dropped the toothpaste to catch her but it scared her. He acted like he didn't want me to hold her but when she's crying & screaming like that it just makes me feel like I have to hold her. He finally let me when I insisted. (Later he said he thought since he was the one that scared her he should be the one to comfort her and that he hoped she wasn't still scared of him or mad at him the next day. The next day he said he was glad it seemed like she didn't remember.) He asked me if he was scaring me & I said yes because I thought the medicine was affecting his reflexes as well as his thinking. That made him mad for awhile. At first he said he wouldn't even try to hold her & I told him he didn't have to be that extreme, that he just needed to take time to think & pay more attention to things when he was using the pain pills. He decided that he would only take the pills at night unless it got really bad during the day. Nothing else has happened like that since then. He stopped taking the pills all together about a week after the surgery.

     He went back for a checkup Mon., 12/23. They took out the staples, not stitches, all 22 of them! They put on a removable splint so now he's able to take showers. And I get to see the scar when I help him wrap his arm back up every day. It's 5" long, a lot longer than we'd expected. Guess we'll have to wait & see how much it fades. He doesn't have to go back til a week from today.

     Meanwhile, my cold is better. I finished the Cipro yesterday (actually I have enough for 2 more weeks). Elizabeth didn't seem to be getting any better so we took her to the dr. last Friday, 12/20. We were lucky to get to see Dr. Karp again. She checked her ears and had to clean out some wax but said they were ok. She said her lungs were clear but that she had a lot of green drainage down her throat. She took a specimen of her runny nose (which was & still is clear) and the lab said she had a sinus infection. She gave her amoxicillin (antibiotic) and Proventil (one of the things I use in my nebulizer) to keep her bronchial tubes open. It didn't seem like she was getting any better to me so I called & talked to a nurse Mon 12/23. She said if she's not getting any worse she wouldn't want us to bring her in & risk her getting something worse from the sick kids there. I also asked her about Ez. not taking any solid food. She was just the opposite at first - not wanting bottles & Dr. Karp said it was because the drainage made things taste bad. The nurse said not to worry unless it lasted more than a few days. I asked if that would make her stools loose & she said it would and that so would the amoxicillin. If she gets diarrhea we're supposed to give her Imodium AD.

     I didn't think to ask the nurse but had been wondering if Ez. needed a decongestant cause her nose was still runny. I mentioned that to Carole & she said it's ok to give her Dimetapp too so we started that Wed. night & her nose is drying up some. She still has a cough so there must still be drainage. If she's not well by the time the medicine's gone I guess we'll have to go back to the dr. I'm worried that this means she has CF. Guy said if she had it she'd have shown signs of it before now. I said not necessarily because this is her first winter & cold season to go thru. I certainly hope she doesn't have it.

     I'll have to write later about xmas & our 11th anniversary.

"I looked out just in time to see her falling off the couch!"

December 19, 1991

     Things sure have been hectic since Guy's surgery a week ago today. It went ok. It wasn't what they thought. The dr. said it was a new muscle that started growing around the nerve. He said it's rare, implying that it's not a freak thing that's never happened before. Guy's arm was all wrapped up, the hard cast part was only on the back of his arm but it was so big he couldn't get his shirt on over it.

     The surgery lasted about 50 minutes. He was awake when they brought him out but he was a little spacey. They took him to a bed on the ward on the same floor, way down at the far end. I walked back & forth & up & down stairs so many times my legs were sore the next day. I went to see Dr. Lazarus while Guy went back to sleep. She had me get an X-ray to be sure I didn't have pneumonia. (I didn't.) Then she gave me a prescription for Cipro. I think it finally started taking effect yesterday. Just as Elizabeth came down with it. Her nose got stuffy yesterday & she started coughing last night. We started giving her the Triaminic Nite Light. We also gave her Tylenol cause she had a little fever - 99.7 underarm. She didn't sleep very well last night so I didn't either. Guy took care of her this morning & let me sleep late - til after 10:00. She acted like she felt better this aft. but then worse again this eve. I called to see if we should bring her to the dr. & the nurse said to try using a humidifier and elevate the head of her bead. We took the wheels off the opposite end to make it lower. Hopefully she'll sleep better tonight. (We did start the humidifier too)

     Back to Guy's surgery. They gave him Tylenol with codeine for the pain. They knocked him out a little but not like it did me when I took it. The first couple of nights & days were rough cause I felt so lousy but Guy did help some. I tried to wash my hands before touching Ez. every time but that was practically impossible. 

     We did manage to get to church Sun. morning. I took the seam out of the sleeve on one of Guy's shirts so he could get it on over the cast. I had to drive. Mon. we had to get up early to take him over for a checkup at PNH at 7:30. He gave Ez. a bottle in the car and I fed her while we were waiting. They changed his cast to a smaller one so he can get his clothes on ok now. The dr. said he can drive now so he went out that aft. & went xmas shopping.

     I think he was trying to do too much at first. I told him he didn't have to prove that he was ok or anything. Sun. night he was watching Ez. in the living room while I was washing dishes. I looked out just in time to see her falling off the couch! He had left her there when he got up to let Chief out. We couldn't find any bumps or bruises on her but she was really screaming & I was crying & holding on to her. Guy said he was sorry & he didn't think she'd roll off before he got back over there. I told him I thought the medicine was affecting his thinking. 

"They think it's scar tissue from a damaged nerve."

December 12, 1991

     I'm at Portsmouth Naval Hospital waiting on Guy while he's having surgery. I don't know if I've mentioned the knot in his arm before. It's been bothering him for over a year and they finally decided to do something about it. They think it's scar tissue from a damaged nerve. He has no idea how or when he could have damaged a nerve. They are going to test it for cancer though. They were supposed to do this yesterday but he got bumped. There's some stupid rule in anesthesiology that they can only do five blocks a day (they're only doing a block on his arm, plus giving him something to relax him so he's out of it); he was #5 but the lady who was #4 had to have hers done twice and her second one counted as #5. They checked him into the hops. but gave him special liberty to go home overnight.

     Thank goodness Dianna could keep Ez. again. Both days Guy had to be here at 6:00. He brought the car, Dianna came & picked me & Ez. up, dropped me off at the hospital & took her home for the day. It was almost 1:00 when they told us they couldn't do the surgery. It was after 3:00 before we finally got to leave. Guy was so upset. So was I. I'm just glad they let him come home last night cause we weren't prepared for him to spend the night. The dr. we talked to yesterday isn't the one doing the surgery but he was here & told me they had taken him down to anes. for the block about 8:00. He went in to see how it was going and said they'd just made the incision. That was 10:15 & it's now 10:33. He said it should be over about 11:00.

     Meanwhile, I now have a cold. My sinuses were really draining Tues. when I saw Dr. Lazarus. Yesterday aft. I started getting a tickle in my throat. Last night I was wheezing a little & woke up with one side of my sinuses clogged up. I'm not wheezing though but my throat hurts, I'm coughing a lot and having to blow my nose a lot. I can't afford to be sick now that I have to take care of Guy & Ez. both. I've been using Hall's & brought some juice to drink but my sinuses are hurting. Maybe I'll run up & see if Dr. Lazarus wants to give me a prescription for any antibiotics, after I know Guy's ok.

     Guess I can tell about the rest of our trip. I came down with a head cold on the way to LA. I managed to keep it from getting bad but not before Elizabeth got it from me. Thank goodness we kept it from getting too bad with her - we'd taken all her medicine with us. We used Pediacare Nite Light first because she had a cough. When the cough stopped we switched to Dimetapp. I think it took a little over a week to clear her nose up but she was ok by the time we got home.

     The hardest part of the trip was getting there & back. The first night on the way there she let us know by screaming that she'd had enough. We stopped for the night just the other side of Atlanta. She did a little better on the way back - no screaming. But going from Louisiana to McCrory was hard because she was getting sick but we didn't realize that at the time. There was one night in McCrory that she hardly slept at all & I was afraid we'd have to cancel our plans to go to Searcy the next day. But she seemed to be doing better the next day so we went. We didn't go to see Miss Young. Ruth Burt's husband had died overnight & she was with her. (She'd worked in the office next to mine.) We saw Nancy Johnson but Alice Ann Kellar & Latina Dykes weren't there. We went by College Church to see Steve Edelhuber. I'd sent them a post card so they'd know we'd be in town then but they hadn't gotten it. We had to go by someone's house to see Lisa cause she was working there (cleaning house). 

November 28, 1991

November 30, 1991

November 1991

December 1, 1991

December 6, 1991

"I've wondered before what it would be like if Elizabeth turned out to be a genius."

Friday, Nov. 22, 1991

     Yesterday Shirley kept Elizabeth while we went to the movies. We went to see Little Man Tate. It was pretty good. I've wondered before what it would be like if Elizabeth turned out to be a genius. Hopefully she'd have friends; the little boy in the movie didn't.

     Ez. did just fine with Shirley. She ate a good lunch and fell asleep on Shirley's shoulder while she was talking with her sister, who came by for lunch.

     We looked around the mall some and each had a cookie after the movie. There was a store there called Colbyeo Woodcrafts. They had lots of bunnies painted on things. I fell in love with the toy boxes. They were very lightly stained blue and different ones had bunnies & teddies & combinations of them with roses on the borders. They were adorable. The one I liked most was also a bench and there were heart shapes cut into the back & end slats. I wanted it so bad but as Guy pointed out, there's no way we could get it back to VA. Plus, it cost $150.00! Sure makes me wish I was rich. Maybe I could find something like that in VA later. Barb was telling me about the new Crafter's Mall that opened at the far end of Baxter Rd. from us. She said it's like a permanent craft show where all different kinds of craftspeople have their own individual booths. She said she spent 2 hrs. going thru the whole thing. Sounds neat.

     Kenny & Lori came over for supper last night and visited for an hour or so. Mary Lee wasn't with them. Elizabeth did really good with everyone, even though she didn't get her early evening nap.

     We'd sent a copy of the video tape to Randy but they don't have a VCR. We put it in the camera to see how it looked & it played it at a different speed - fast - so we won't be able to hook the camera up to their TV.

"Elizabeth did fairly well on the trip."

Thursday, Nov. 21, 1991

     We got to W. Monroe at Randy's house at 3:33 yesterday afternoon. Elizabeth did fairly well on the trip. The only time she got really fussy was Tues. night just before we stopped for the night. She decided she'd had enough & was practically screaming for about the last 10-15 minutes. We wanted to get on past Atlanta though so we kept going and stopped in Bremen. She slept good but it took a long time to get her to sleep. She woke up once with a nightmare but Guy only had to walk her for a little bit. Last night it took her awhile to go to sleep too & Guy finally gave her more juice. I wish she wouldn't get back into that habit but I kind of expected it on the trip. I just don't want her to have problems with her teeth. We're leaving her here with Shirley this aft. to go to a movie!

     I didn't get much more sewing done. I finished her white shirt except for the buttons. I did those at the motel and then discovered that I put all the front ones on backwards. I did the ones on the cuffs right. I didn't feel like redoing them all then so who knows when I'll fix them.

     Our new car did great on the trip - 38.1 MPG on the last tank. I think on trips the Cavalier never got more than 26. There's more room inside but it was still stuffed with all the things we had to bring. I'd wanted to bring her walker & stroller but there wasn't room for them.

"So much for any renewed efforts to write every night."

Sun. Nov. 17, 1991

     So much for any renewed efforts to write every night. I remembered wrong - all the stuff I wrote about the Cheerios happened that Wed. night and Thu. was when I asked him about being overprotective. We haven't really talked about it since then. Sometimes we put Cheerios on her walker tray but they usually end up in the floor or in her clothes.

     Well, I turned 36 a week ago yesterday. I guess I don't feel any different - I was already feeling old. It was a gloomy day -rained most of the time. We went out for breakfast at Shoney's. Ez did real well at sitting in their high chair. She got grumpy though cause it was her nap time. She's done fairly well with her naps last week except for the days I had to go out for something. Anyway, Guy got me a new billfold. Ez. got me a copy of Fantasia. That was on my xmas list for her. We haven't had time to watch it though. We didn't do anything else special; I spent the aft. sewing while Guy watched Ez & tv.

     I got her second pair of overalls almost finished. I'd forgotten to get buttons & bias tape. I got the buttons at Wal-Mart yesterday but still forgot the tape. Barb's going to keep Ez. tomorrow afternoon so I can get ready for our trip (We leave for Louisiana Tues.) I plan to start packing tonight so I can sew some tomorrow aft. I finished a white shirt except for the buttons. I still have a onesie, two sweat pants & another shirt to finish. They don't have to be done before the trip but I'd like to be able for her to wear them so I can tell people I made them.

"...it took us so long to get her & she means so much to me."

Friday, Nov. 8, 1991

     I took Ez. over to Luana's yesterday - got there about 2:00 and didn't stay long. She was crying when I left & I felt so bad about leaving her there. I went to Lens Crafters to get my glasses adjusted again. Then I went to Office Warehouse to look for notebooks to make into picture albums. (The last time we went home I brought back all the family pictures, sorted through them, put names & dates on them as best I could, & divided them up for me, Kenneth, Judy, & Sue.) I'd planned to get those plain blue binders and cover them with batting & fabric. But I found some vinyl covered binders in different colors. I got Kenneth blue and the rest of us pink. I hope they'll like them.

     I went next door to K-Mart and got a birthday card for Adam Pugh. (He was born on my birthday 7 yrs. ago) I got a surprise for Guy for the trip home. I spotted them on the way to check out - a pack with two seals for aluminum soda cans. They have a hole in them and straws and caps for the straws & they were only $1.

     I came home then & it was already 3:15. Guy had told me to call & remind him to pick up Elizabeth so I did. I told him how she was crying when I left and I wanted to call & see how she was doing. He said she's fine & I worry too much. I figured Luana would've called if she wasn't doing well.

     I really did enjoy having some time to myself and in that respect it wasn't long enough. But when I was waiting and watching for them to come home it seemed like forever. I had supper ready but by the time they got home we didn't have time to eat. We had a 6:00 appt. to look at our proofs at Olan Mills. They didn't turn out very good at all. We'd had to wait so long that she was so tired by the time they got to us she'd hardly smile. We only got our free 8x10. I did want to get some of the other proofs til she said they were $12 each or $40 for all of them. They weren't that good. Besides, they kept us waiting so long after we went back to look at the proofs we were all getting grumpy. Guy was walking Ez. around & I went out in the hall to watch cause I was getting tired of sitting. I saw a lady sitting there who looked familiar & I asked Guy & he looked & then she waved. It was Myra; she was Dr. Acosta's secretary when we first started going there. She said she's receptionist at an OB/GYN's office in Chesapeake. She remembered us but I don't think she remembered our names. She was happy to see we had Elizabeth now.

     We'd decided to try giving Ez some Cheerios for the first time last night so we did that at the end of supper. Guy tried pushing them in her mouth (one at a time) & she kept pushing them back out. They finally got mushy & broke up & she swallowed most of them, I don't know how many. Once she acted like she was about to gag but she was ok. I asked Guy to go ahead & unlatch the strap on her seat in case we needed to get her out quick. He gave me a look but did it. He kept trying to put them in her mouth & I felt like he was forcing them on her. I said maybe he could try letting her put one in her mouth herself. He held one in his fingers and I was going to tell him it would be easier for her to get it from his hand flat. All I got out was "she can't" and he gave me this look and jumped up & started storming up & down the hall and told me to take care of her since he obviously didn't know how. Of course that made me start crying. He didn't pay any attention to her or me til I took her out to the living room after the news was over & said, "tell daddy 'it's my bath time, daddy' ". He didn't make a move to do it til I finished the dishes. He said he was waiting on me cause I'd said I wanted to wash her hair. I'd discovered all these scaly places on her head & had put some baby oil on them to soften them up & tried to rub them off. But I told him I still had to do her bottles. I feel like I can't say anything to him anymore about taking care of her. It's like when he gets home I have to hand her over to him to take care of her and can't make even the slightest suggestion of how to do something or even remind him or ask if he did such & such. I was finally beginning to feel like a real mother & now it's back to just taking care of her til he's able to.

     I thought maybe we could talk about it last night and figure out some sort of compromise. I wasn't sure how to bring up the subject so I asked him if he thought I really was too overprotective. He gave me this look like 'are you really asking me that question' and after a few seconds said something like 'you don't know the answer to that?' like it was really stupid of me to think I had to ask such a thing. I said 'never mind' & just went to bed. We didn't say anything else except the usual good night stuff and we didn't talk about it (neither the Cheerios thing or my question) at all today. I don't know if he even noticed that there's still tension between us. I didn't say a word about anything he did with her tonight except to ask what time she fell asleep & did he brush her teeth. He said 'yes' like 'you don't have to check up on me.'

     I know I'd have a tendency to be overprotective of her because it took us so long to get her & she means so much to me. But I thought I'd been doing good. I don't pick her up the first second she starts crying anymore. Sometimes I let her cry herself to sleep for her naps. Even though she's sitting a lot better now she still falls over a lot. I haven't seen her hit anything really hard but I don't run to her & try to comfort her, or even try to catch her to keep her from falling. I just say something like 'you went ka-bump!' til she'll smile. A few times she's hit herself in the face with a toy & will look like she's going to cry & I'll rub it & kiss it & talk about how she ka-bumped herself. I can't think of any other specifics right now cause it's getting late & I'm really tired. She only took 2 - 1 hour naps today & 1 half-hour. Guy's been asleep (on top of the covers) for over an hour now. The late weather is over so I guess I should go to bed. I've decided to try & make a better effort at writing every night. 

"Last week was kind of strange."

Sunday, November 3, 1991

     Last week was kind of strange. Four out of five days (Mon-Thu) Ez. took 1&1/2 - 2&1/2 hr. naps both morning and afternoon. I'm not sure what's made the difference. The only thing that's changed is starting her on solid food the week before that. I was beginning to worry about her sleeping so long. I was hoping this was a new trend but she got all messed up Sat. as usual. So far this week she's taken both short & medium length naps. Seems like when I try to get a little bit done then lay down and try to get a little sleep, as soon as I start dozing off she wakes up.

     Last night she was up late & slept til almost 9:00 this morning. Hopefully she won't be up as late tonight. She didn't have much of a morning nap cause we took the video camera in for preventive maintenance & didn't get home til almost noon. I don't remember how long she slept this afternoon. Tomorrow I'm going to take her over to Luana Carter's for a couple of hours. Guy's going to pick her up on his way home from work.

"It'll just take some getting used to."

Thursday, Oct. 24, 1991

     We got a 1992 Toyota Camry today. It's almond beige pearl, 5-speed standard.

Wed., Oct. 30, 1991

     We had gone to the credit union last Wed. to apply for a loan cause they were having the big tent sale at Met Park Thur.-Sat. I was so undecided about what I wanted. I really wanted a Trooper but I decided that we wouldn't be able to afford that. So I told Guy we could just go ahead & get a car and when we move back to Ark. we could get a four-wheel drive. But we ended up paying more than I thought we would so I should've gone ahead with the Trooper. Oh, well, too late now.

     I really like the Camry & I know it'll be reliable. There have been a couple of things I've discovered since we brought it home. I can't see the back end of the car, even sitting on a pillow. I didn't realize it until we went to pick it up. I need to backtrack.

     When we went to Met Park we looked at the Camrys first & there was a blue one that had everything we wanted on it except a cassette. We asked if there was one like that in a different color. He called the dealership & there was one that had just come in. They'd have to inspect it & service it & bring it over. We looked around at other cars. There weren't any caravans there. This salesman cornered us when we were looking at a Subaru wagon. Guy surprised me by seeming really interested in it. I told him I didn't know enough about Subarus. So we waited for them to bring the beige Camry over. It took over 1&1/2 hrs. They did have a trailer set up with tables & chairs so we waited there & fed Elizabeth while we waited. It was almost dark by the time it got there. We had to stop for gas (they reimbursed us) then both of us drove it. We got on the freeway at Norview then back off at Military Hwy. It drove really well, had a lot more power than the Cavalier. It's a 2.2 engine plus fuel injected. I didn't ever have the need to back it up though until we went to pick it up Sat. But I'm getting ahead again.

     We finally sat down to talk numbers & we had to talk to two other people, one about the extended warranty and one about the protective coatings. We only wanted the coatings. Then Hank, the salesman, went over to the credit union tent with us. They said they couldn't do anything cause their computer was down. (We were getting $800 for the Cavalier but we weren't putting any more down and the total was $300 over our approval of $15,000.) They said the extra shouldn't be a problem but that we'd have to wait til tomorrow to do any more. So Guy went to tell Hank we wouldn't be able to get the car that night. He was gone forever. Elizabeth was getting restless; she'd finished the two bottles we'd taken. I didn't know we'd be gone so late. Finally I got all our stuff together & went looking for him. He was helping Hank put all our stuff in the new car. I told him what the lady had said and he said not to worry cause we could get it financed through the dealer. He didn't tell me til we'd already left that he'd signed a promissory note say that they'd have their money (the whole $15,000+) by Mon. I couldn't believe he did that without talking to me first. But there wasn't anything I could do about it then. We were back & forth on the phone with each other and the credit union & the dealer all day Friday. The credit union kept giving us the same runaround so Guy told them we didn't need the loan. The dealer had told us we could get the loan through them for the same rate. When Hank finally called to say our new loan was approved he didn't know how much the payments were or the rate, only that it was approved. He also said he would give Guy a loaner so he could leave the car to be first in line to have the coatings put on & the cassette installed Sat. morning.

     So Guy went to the dealer's when he got home Fri. I stayed home with Elizabeth cause she'd been out of sorts all day because of being out so long Thur. I should've gone with him. When he got home I asked him how much the payments were, he said $354. I thought he was joking so I looked at the papers & he wasn't. And the rate was 10.5%. I asked him how did he think we were going to afford it & why did Hank lie about the rate and why did he sign the papers when he knew we couldn't afford it. I was crying by then and wouldn't say anything to explain. We ate supper & he gave Elizabeth her bath while I did dishes & he never said one word to explain anything. While he was upstairs I looked at the papers again & saw that they'd added on the maintenance agreement we'd told them we didn't want plus the life insurance. I couldn't believe it. When he came downstairs he still wasn't talking to me. I finally asked him if he knew how late Hank was going to be there & he said why? I said if he wasn't going to tell me what happened I'd call Hank & ask him. He said he'd tell me if I'd finished crying & I told him I just didn't understand what was going on. He said they wouldn't give us a lower rate because we weren't putting anything down. And they said he had to have the insurance. I didn't think they could make you do that. As for the maintenance agreement he said he wanted me to be safe when he's gone to sea. I reminded him the original warranty is 3 yrs/36,000 mi. & he'll be out of the Navy by then so we won't have to worry about that. I don't remember what his answer was to that. We went back & forth about that up until we went to pick the car up. 

     He said the only way to get the payments down (to $298) would be to put money down & he knew I didn't want to cash any more bonds. I asked what about the money we'd been setting aside in savings for it. That amounted to $684. He said would I let him get the rest from bonds & I said ok. So he called the finance man at the dealer's & asked if it was too late to put some money down & he said no cause he hadn't sent the paperwork in yet. So he told him we'd be bringing the money in when we came to pick up the car. Guy said let's just take $500 from savings cause we'll be needing to take some our for the trip & I agreed.

     So we went to the credit union to get the money from savings. Then to our safe deposit box for cashing the bonds and getting a cashier's check for $2000. Then we took Elizabeth over to Mike & Carole's, as we'd already planned, so we could go to a movie. There wasn't a lot to choose from. We saw The Hitman, Chuck Norris' new movie. It wasn't very good, especially compared to his other movies.

     After that we went to the dealer's & our car was already ready. But we had to wait for the finance man to get back from lunch. When we sat down to redo the papers he said the payments would be $309. I asked what happened to $298. Guy said that was before the maintenance agreement, something we still disagree about. So we signed the papers & took the car to get Elizabeth. They asked us to stay for supper. We did but we shouldn't have cause it was later than I thought it'd be before we ate. Anyway, we have the car but I don't think we got a very good deal. Guy said next time we won't wait til everything's falling apart to trade in. Sometimes I wish we'd gone ahead & gotten the Trooper, especially since this cost so much. One of the reasons I told Guy we could get a car instead of a 4x4 is I thought we could save some money. But he said we could've gotten the Trooper or even the Caravan for this price. I don't know if he's still mad at me or not. We haven't talked much about it since then. The only thing I'm worried about is not being able to see out the back to the end of the trunk. One thing Guy didn't like is that you have to roll the windows down to adjust the outside mirrors. We'd asked if we could get remote knobs on them & they said they're not available. Hank said the manager said if we wanted them adjusted to come see him & he'd adjust them, just trying to be smart. It's bad that he said that anyway but Hank didn't have to tell us what he'd said. Our model is called deluxe but I don't know what's deluxe about it - there's nothing power on it except the trunk & gas release. And if I'd seen it in the light I might have decided on the blue one after all. Why'd they put a grey interior in a brown car I don't know. But I guess overall I'm happy with it. It'll definitely be more reliable than the Cavalier has been - knock on wood. It'll just take some getting used to.

"...we can start her on baby food now."

Wed., Oct. 23, 1991

     No matter how hard I try, I don't think I'll ever get caught up with anything again, especially my writing. Even when Elizabeth takes a longer nap there are so many things I need to get done that I don't know where to start or I get sidetracked from one thing to another and don't get much of anything accomplished. Seems like I just keep doing the same things over & over all the time. Like trying to just straighten up the dining & coffee tables. No matter how little or often I do it, it's no time before they're all cluttered again.

     Luana Carter asked me if I wanted to trade baby-sitting with her. It would be nice except we live so far apart. She said she'd probably save her time up to use when John gets back from sea; that for every tow times she'd keep Elizabeth I'd keep John, Jr. & Alina. I don't know how I'd like that. I was supposed to call her about keeping Elizabeth one aft. this week & intended to call her today about tomorrow. But we had a rough day today.

     We had Ez's 6-mo. checkup yesterday. She's been fussier with these shots than the first two sets. She woke up overnight & I had to give her some Tylenol in formula. It took about 30 min. to get her back to sleep. She was fussy awhile after Guy left this morning but then she slept til after 9:00 AM. I took her temperature around 11:00 & it was 99.2 underarm. I gave her some Tylenol & it was down to 99 a couple of hours later. When it was time for another does I checked again & it was 98.8. I went ahead & gave her more Tylenol. She acted like she felt better but not 100 %. Then after her bath tonight she was acting like she had a little fever again. Guy said her temp. probably wouldn't be accurate just after her bath & went ahead & put Tylenol in her formula. It took her awhile to go to sleep. She just kept getting more & more fussy & Guy finally took her downstairs and walked her. Hopefully she'll sleep better tonight. She slept in my lap for about 2-2&1/2 hours today while I was watching the Dynasty movie I'd taped. Her left leg, the DPT, was sore this morning. She hollered whenever I moved her leg or touched it there. It was better by this aft. 

     Otherwise her checkup went good. She's 17 lbs. 12 oz. - still not big enough to turn forward in her car seat, 28 1/2" long. No wonder she's outgrown most of her sleepers. Dr. Karp said we could start her on baby food. She said we could use real food done in the blender but we went to Farm Fresh this aft. & got a few things. We gave her some squash after her bottle after supper & she ate 1/2 t. We're supposed to try each new food for 2 days before introducing a new one to check for any reactions. Her next checkup is at 9 mo. Dr. Karp was pleased with her progress so far. There were a few things I forgot to ask her that I need to call & ask about sometime, nothing urgent.

     She's doing better in her walker. She can push herself backwards some. I'm not sure it's deliberate yet. She does get upset if she's backed up against something and can't go any further though.

     Meanwhile, we went to have pictures made of the three of us Sat. We went to Sears first for their package deal. We tried to get there when they first opened but we were about 15 min. late & it took an hour to get to us. She was getting tired but the photographer was really good & I think she got some good shots. We went to Olan Mills that afternoon. Even though we had an appointment we had to wait over 30 min. and she was really tired by then so we weren't sure how those pictures would come out. Olan Mills called today to say that we wouldn't be able to get those pictures. They send their film by Federal Express and the box they dropped all of Sat.'s work in was broken into. The film was found along the interstate and none of it was printable any more. So we made another appt. for the 31st, Guy's next aft. off. We weren't using the club plan for this but the coupon we had for a free 8x10 of anyone (& family) in military uniform. Ez. was wearing the dress Guy's uncle in Utah had sent that had Navy Girl embroidered on the front. The photographer had said that wouldn't show though. The one at Sears didn't say it wouldn't so I hope it does. I may put a different dress on her next time. I don't know. Hopefully they won't have any problems next time.

October 19, 1991

October 19, 1991

     We may be getting a new vehicle tomorrow. We went out looking over a month ago and test drove a Jeep Cherokee, Isuzu Trooper, & a Dodge Grand Caravan. We even talked numbers with the Caravan but it was $335 a mo. for 6 years! I think it had way too many extras on it. We talked to someone at the credit union about a loan and they said payments for a $20,000 loan would be over $400! But there's a big "tent" sale at Met Park tomorrow thru Sat. I called the cr. union today & got some info on it then when Guy got home we went & applied for a $15,000 loan. They're supposed to call tomorrow & let us know if it's approved & if it's for more or less than that. If it's ok we plan to go out to Met Park & see if we can find something. The lady at the cr. union copied the info for the 1991 Troopers & Caravans. I haven't had a chance to look at them. The only reason I'm still up is to wait for the lottery numbers. I used to like staying up late but I just can't handle it any more.

     I forgot to mention that the car kind of broke down Mon. When we got home something was leaking out really bad. Guy had worked on some things before and finally decided we had a slow leak in the radiator. It turned out to be the water pump. He called Holland Rd. Auto & they said it's be $180. He called Steve Lowell to see if he'd be able to install a new one & he said he could come over after supper. Guy got the pump at Twin Bee. He paid Steve $20 for doing it. They dickered a little bit first. Steve said so many people from church ask him for help & never even offer to pay him so he really appreciated the money. Well, we didn't win. 

"...things are getting a little better with Elizabeth."

Sat., Oct. 12, 1991

     I think we're all over our colds. I'm surprised Guy had it the worst. And that mine didn't move down in my chest.

     Elizabeth got another tooth Thu. The lower left-next to center. It feels like the next top one will come in on the right. I've been using bubble gum flavored toothpaste on a gauze pad to clean her teeth at bedtime. Most nights at least. Guy still thinks she needs a bottle to go to sleep. At least he gives her a little water to rinse her mouth out. At least he's supposed to. He brought her up asleep tonight & let me go ahead & use the toothpaste

     Tues. morning Eliz. & I went to a Discovery Toys party at Cathy Rudolph's. It was so funny - Deborah Cuthrell was there (from church). I knew she lived kinda near Cathy from when I went with Gayle to Mary Ruiz's shower at Deborah's last month. She said it was only a few blocks away. They're in a food co-op together. She was looking for xmas presents for nieces & nephews.

     Anyway, they had some really neat stuff. I was looking for something with a crinkly noise but she didn't have anything. They are the ones who make those links I see everyone with. I'd been looking in stores for them. They look like chain links & the opening is on the side. It's a set of 24 in all the primary colors. I also got two rattles. One has an hourglass shape with lots of tiny multicolored beads inside and a sort of framework for holding onto. The other one is an outline of an elephant. His head swivels & his ears flop. His tail swivels & in his middle is a little ball that's half clear with little peanut shapes inside for the rattle. I let Eliz. try several things before deciding what to get. I'd planned on keeping it to $15-20 and Guy told me to keep it to $30 or less. I spent $27.17.

     I went & got my hair permed yesterday. I guess it's ok. I wish I hadn't had to pay $45 for it. I'd been saving up money for it. I wish it was a little bit curlier. I told her I didn't want it real curly though. She said she'd put in enough so it would look good to just let it air dry but occasionally use hot rollers. It didn't look so great after I slept on it over night. I'm not supposed to wash it for 48 hrs. but she said I could wet it down. I think I'll have to do that for it to look good tomorrow.

     Guy has duty weekend. He thought he'd get off at lunch but had to stay til 2:00. He doesn't have to be there til 11:30 tomorrow. He has the 12-4 watch. Last weekend was the first weekend he had off in a long time. He has Mon. off because it's Columbus Day. Every time there's a 3-day weekend this year he's got duty weekend or duty that Mon. He put in his leave for Thanksgiving but hasn't got it approved yet. I called one of the kennels (next to where we took Chief for obedience lessons). It costs $8.50 a day. That would be $127.60 for our trip. No way can we afford that. I think Guy's going to ask Mike & Carole if they'll keep him. We found out at the area-wide fellowship at Granby last week that they're trying to get pregnant again. Martha's only 10 mo. old!

     There's still a lot I need to catch up on but I'm getting tired.

     I just want to say things are getting a little better with Eliz. A couple of times this week she took longer naps. I'd decided to just go ahead & let her take more shorter naps. Seems like once we get used to a routine she changes. I'm still amazed at how fast she's growing. She's not a little baby any more, she's becoming a little person. She's so much more aware of everything around her. And she wants to be in the middle of whatever we're doing. We got her a walker yesterday. She doesn't move around yet but it has little toys hanging down in front over the tray that she can play with. It only lasts about 15 min. at a time so far. I was able to vacuum & get started dusting while she was in it this aft. Hopefully I can finish tomorrow.

"Sometimes I think I had no business wanting to be a mother..."

Sunday, Oct. 6, 1991

     We're all doing better I guess. Elizabeth did have a bit of a cough when she woke up the next morning. I called and talked to the same nurse again. She said we could switch to Triaminic Nite Light. We got some when we went to Wal-Mart yesterday. She really only has the cough when she first wakes up. We have been getting stuff out of her nose - doing it in the morning & at bedtime. It's harder to do it when she's tired cause she starts crying & screaming. So far everything's been clear. If it turns green is when we need to worry.

     We also got some bubblegum flavored toothpaste. I used it on a gauze pad last night and she did really well with it. I'll use the gauze til she gets used to the routine then switch to the toothbrush.

     We went to Wal-Mart to look for a walker for Elizabeth. She's gotten to where she can roll across the floor so I can't just lay her down on the quilt and leave her & expect her to stay there any more. She likes the Johnny Jump-Up better now but she gets tired. I guess cause she can't use her arms to prop herself up on anything. She just kind of twists & turns around. We wrote down numbers of the walkers at Wal-Mart to compare to Baby Superstore. They guarantee they'll  match any price. They had a walker like the one at W.M. but it was one number different because it was a different color. They said it had to be the exact same number for the low price guarantee. They're in the process of moving the store to Lohmann's Plaza & the girl said they might have the other model there. It opens Wed. It was only $5 more than Wal-Mart.

     I'm supposed to be taking a nap. I dozed while Elizabeth slept on my lap on the couch & Guy took his nap. I told him he could come back up & sleep some more but he insisted I come back up here. I have so many things I need to do. I was planning to get some things done yesterday, like I plan every Sat., and we ended up running around til the day was half gone. I did start folding my summer clothes. I put them in the porta-crib -- it's still set up in our room. I just feel like I never get anything accomplished. When I do get started on something I can't finish it. It sure would help if she'd take regular naps. I wouldn't trade her for anything but I sure wish I'd been prepared for this. Sometimes I think I had no business wanting to be a mother cause I'm doing such a lousy job at it. I just can't take care of her & the house & Guy & deal with Chief too. I'm afraid something's going to have to give & I don't know what that will be. Guy does help out but I need more help than he's able or willing to give. I don't feel I can ask any more of him cause he's always tired from work.

"...she has four teeth now."

Wed. Oct. 2, 1991

     Daddy went home yesterday. He called last night to let us know he'd gotten back ok. I really am glad he got to come and spend some time getting to know Elizabeth. We took a roll of pictures on Guy's old 110 camera for Daddy to take home & have developed. We took some pictures on our camera & the video camera. I hope she'll come to treasure them someday the way I treasure the pictures of me & Papa. 

     Meanwhile, Friday night my throat started hurting. It bothered me off & on all weekend & my nose has been a little clogged. But I think I'm over it. Guy started feeling bad Monday. He took a Drixoral that night & last night but he just tossed & turned all night. He took some Dimetapp tonight & seems to be resting better so far. But Elizabeth was congested a little this morning. I suctioned some stuff out of her nose. It was all clear & white so I wasn't too worried. And she didn't feel like she had a fever. I did call the ped. & talked to a nurse (Barbara). She said I could give her 1/4 t. of Dimetapp and if the congestion was too thick to use some saline drops made to loosen it up so you can suction it out. She also said to give her more clear liquids. So I had to go to the store cause we didn't have any of that. I also got some more baby Tylenol cause they don't have that at the commissary.

     I went to the dentist yesterday & had no cavities. I'd made my appt. with Dr. Pearle, the woman, at the office at the corner of Providence & Indian River cause it's closer than Green Run. I forgot to ask why afterwards - I saw Dr. Mendelson instead. He's the one I used to see before Dr. Pearle joined them but I saw her the last time and liked her & I just prefer women dr's anyway. I asked him about Elizabeth's teeth. He had the hygienist give me a children's toothbrush & show me how to put the toothpaste down into the bristles. She said I could also use gauze pads for awhile. We need to clean her teeth after every bottle of formula or juice, something we haven't been doing. Since Guy went to bed early tonight I gave her some water after she finished her formula to rinse her mouth out. He usually just lets her fall asleep with the formula & doesn't try to do anything to clean her teeth. I need to get Charlie to talk to Guy about it because I think Jason had problems with his teeth because of going to sleep with a bottle. Anyway, the hygienist said to just use a tiny bit of bubble gum flavored toothpaste because she'll probably swallow most of it. She's so stubborn about putting anything in her mouth besides a bottle or pacifier that I may put the toothpaste on the gauze for awhile & once she gets used to the taste switch to the toothbrush. I probably haven't written about it - she has four teeth now. Front top & bottom. It's been one a week for a month. It's been fairly easy from what I've heard of other mothers say. It really was a shock to find the first one at 4 & 1/2 mo. though.

     I'm really jumping around. Elizabeth was doing better by mid morning. It seems like she gets clogged up when she's sleeping though. We're using the humidifier in her room tonight, another suggestion from the nurse. I'm feeling better, just one side of my nose is clogged at a time. I'm surprised Guy has it worse than me.

"...I'm really worried about Daddy."

Sat., Sept. 28, 1991

     Daddy came to visit Wed. Sue ordered the tickets from a travel agency in Searcy and sent them to him. She had called a few weeks ago to check on dates with me. I didn't have it marked on the calendar upstairs so I forgot that the ladies retreat was this weekend. I'd already paid my $10 deposit but I got it back. I didn't really want to go anyway. It's too cold at night up there at camp.

     Anyway, I'm really worried about Daddy. He's starting to be the same way Mom started out - asking & saying the same things over & over. He's supposed to go back Tues. but he keeps talking about going back Mon. And he keeps tripping on the step-down. I can't think of how to mark it so he sees is. I just try to remind him whenever he goes that way. I'm glad he's able to come see Elizabeth but it's such a strain emotionally.

September 25, 1991

September 29, 1991

September 30, 1991

"Elizabeth's 2nd tooth is in!"

Sunday, Sept. 15, 1991

Elizabeth's 2nd tooth is in! The one on the lower left. When I got Guy up from his nap I told him & he said he'd found it while I was sleeping. He just forgot to tell me. We split the aft. for our naps. He had to work this morning & yesterday morning just like last weekend. Anyway, I'd told Carole at our small group meeting that Ez's first tooth was in. She said she was jealous but she didn't sound like she was mad. (Martha's almost 10 mo. old and hasn't got any teeth yet.) She said the same thing Sun. night when I told her the second one was in. She said the top front ones were next.

"It's just hard to find out such bad news about people you used to be closed to."

Thursday, Sept. 12, 1991

     Day before yesterday I got a letter from Nancy. She said the Paul Nance had died of AIDS and a brain tumor and that he was gay. He was only two years behind us in high school, when Beedeville H.S. was with McCrory. He & Stephanie Smith & Joyce free were in Mr. Turney's world history class with Nancy & Susan Hancock & me & maybe some others. They were all members of the church in Beedeville. I remember hearing rumors after high school that he was gay but I didn't want to believe them. He & Stephanie went together for a long time but she said he hardly ever kissed her or did anything more than hold her hand. He wrote to me while I was at Harding & he was still in high school. I think he went to ASU in Jonesboro after graduation. I don't remember if he wrote me any more after that. I just remember we gradually lost touch. His sister, Donna, was in my class. She told me at our 10-yr. reunion that he was living in California. I don't know if she said San Francisco but I remember hearing that somewhere - I think. It's been so long I'm not sure. I just remember that we were pretty good friends for awhile. I did have a minor crush on him for a short time. We went to a movie in Newport once. The Gumball Rally. He went to a concert at Harding with me once - I don't remember who. He used to stop by the house just to visit sometimes during the summer. And we'd see him and the others at church when Nancy & I would go there on Sunday nights sometimes. It's just hard to find out such bad news about people you used to be closed to. I just hope he had the time to and did repent before he died. 

"Boy was I shocked!"

Wed., Sept. 11, 1991

     He said to mix it half & half. We didn't try it for awhile cause we forgot to get any at the store. But we did start doing it in her bedtime bottle. I didn't put quite as much as he said cause it seemed too thick. She didn't seem to notice the difference and we didn't notice any difference until a few days later, a week ago Sun. (9/1) she didn't have a messy diaper all day. When she tried to go Mon. you could see it trying to come out and she was really straining and crying. Guy had duty even though it was Labor Day but he got to come home at lunch and he was watching her while I was out back staining a piece of lattice for her room. When I found out what was happening I wanted to call the doctor but he wouldn't let me. He just rubbed her tummy a lot & pushed down on it a little and pushed & pulled her buns to try & help her. It took a few tries to get it all out but she finally did. Then it seemed like she had diarrhea. I did call the dr's office the next morning but only got to talk to a nurse. She was more concerned about the diarrhea than the constipation but she said if it wasn't pure liquid it wasn't diarrhea. So she didn't have it cause it wasn't pure liquid, it did have some substance to it even though it was really loose. She said the cereal could've cause the constipation. We cut it out for awhile & just started it again last night. But I just barely put 1/2 oz. in 6 oz. of formula instead of 3 oz. When I empty the next can of formula I'll save the scoop & use it to measure the cereal. I'm wondering though because she only had one messy diaper today and it wasn't til after supper & it was kind of on the thick side.

     I was very surprised Mon. night to find that Elizabeth's first tooth had come in! I didn't ask any questions about teething at the last dr. visit because I didn't think babies started til 6-7 months. About a week ago I decided I'd better start feeling of her gums so I'd know how they normally felt & could tell there was a little bump on one side of the front but figured that was normal. I didn't even think to check again til after we came back from our walk Mon. night. Boy was I shocked! I was so excited. I wanted to call Carole and tell her but was afraid she'd think I was rubbing it in. I read up in my book & she didn't have many of the symptoms. She has been drooling some but not a whole lot. It has increased since it's come in though. She may have been doing it more at night. She was (& is) getting a little bit of a rash on her chin. I didn't know coughing was a sign. The book says they cough & sometimes gag because of the excessive saliva. She's not into biting yet; she still likes to lick everything. I called the dr.s office & talked to a nurse. She said I should thank my lucky stars that it didn't bother her but that doesn't necessarily mean the next ones won't bother her. I'm checking her every night now. I think I can feel a bump on the other front side. It's hard to look cause she won't let you open her mouth without trying to stick her tongue out & lick you. Hopefully the rest of them will be this easy.