"Boy was I shocked!"

Wed., Sept. 11, 1991

     He said to mix it half & half. We didn't try it for awhile cause we forgot to get any at the store. But we did start doing it in her bedtime bottle. I didn't put quite as much as he said cause it seemed too thick. She didn't seem to notice the difference and we didn't notice any difference until a few days later, a week ago Sun. (9/1) she didn't have a messy diaper all day. When she tried to go Mon. you could see it trying to come out and she was really straining and crying. Guy had duty even though it was Labor Day but he got to come home at lunch and he was watching her while I was out back staining a piece of lattice for her room. When I found out what was happening I wanted to call the doctor but he wouldn't let me. He just rubbed her tummy a lot & pushed down on it a little and pushed & pulled her buns to try & help her. It took a few tries to get it all out but she finally did. Then it seemed like she had diarrhea. I did call the dr's office the next morning but only got to talk to a nurse. She was more concerned about the diarrhea than the constipation but she said if it wasn't pure liquid it wasn't diarrhea. So she didn't have it cause it wasn't pure liquid, it did have some substance to it even though it was really loose. She said the cereal could've cause the constipation. We cut it out for awhile & just started it again last night. But I just barely put 1/2 oz. in 6 oz. of formula instead of 3 oz. When I empty the next can of formula I'll save the scoop & use it to measure the cereal. I'm wondering though because she only had one messy diaper today and it wasn't til after supper & it was kind of on the thick side.

     I was very surprised Mon. night to find that Elizabeth's first tooth had come in! I didn't ask any questions about teething at the last dr. visit because I didn't think babies started til 6-7 months. About a week ago I decided I'd better start feeling of her gums so I'd know how they normally felt & could tell there was a little bump on one side of the front but figured that was normal. I didn't even think to check again til after we came back from our walk Mon. night. Boy was I shocked! I was so excited. I wanted to call Carole and tell her but was afraid she'd think I was rubbing it in. I read up in my book & she didn't have many of the symptoms. She has been drooling some but not a whole lot. It has increased since it's come in though. She may have been doing it more at night. She was (& is) getting a little bit of a rash on her chin. I didn't know coughing was a sign. The book says they cough & sometimes gag because of the excessive saliva. She's not into biting yet; she still likes to lick everything. I called the dr.s office & talked to a nurse. She said I should thank my lucky stars that it didn't bother her but that doesn't necessarily mean the next ones won't bother her. I'm checking her every night now. I think I can feel a bump on the other front side. It's hard to look cause she won't let you open her mouth without trying to stick her tongue out & lick you. Hopefully the rest of them will be this easy.

"I don't know who I was kidding..."

Sun. Sept. 8, 1991

     I don't know who I was kidding, just myself I guess, to think that I could be a mother. I'm so tired all the time. I never get enough sleep. Elizabeth was sleeping about 10 hrs. at night but for the past week she's been sleeping less. Instead of waking up between 8 & 8:30 she woke up between 7 & 7:30 every day last week. She hardly ever takes a good nap. She dozes while she's eating and that's apparently enough for her. I just don't know how much longer I can do this before I get sick or burned out or something. Guy does help out a lot when he gets home but he's been having to work late so much lately and even yesterday morning & this morning. We take turns staying up with her on Sun. afts. Today was my day. I finally go her to sleep a little before 2:00 but she kept waking up. So I finally took her back downstairs. I laid her on her quilt on the floor & by the time I got my soda fixed she'd fallen asleep. She was still asleep when Guy got up at 3:45 & he told me to come on up & take a nap til 5:00. But now I can't sleep.

     I just don't know what I'm going to do. I put an ad on the bulletin board at the building saying we wanted someone to keep her one day or half-day a week and an occasional Sat., but no one ever called me. I took it down after a month. Sometimes I wish I could just run away for awhile but I don't know where I'd go. Guy said it was ok with him if I went to the ladies retreat. It might be nice except I remember how cold it was the last time I went. But maybe it would be just the break I need.

     I thought all the moodiness would go away once my periods started again & my hormones got back in order. It just seems like I go up & down. I guess part of it is the tiredness. I don't feel like I can ask Guy to do any more than he already is because he's under so much stress from work and having to work late so much. But I really do depend on him taking care of her when he gets home & some days I don't know how I manage to make it til he gets home. If only I could get her on a schedule. I tried to spread her bottles out to every three hours. Sometimes it works & sometimes it doesn't. It mostly doesn't work on the weekends cause Guy's more likely to just give her a bottle when she cries than try other things first. I need to figure out how to keep her awake while she eats. We didn't get to see Dr. Karp at her 4 mo. checkup. I asked for Dr. May but they gave us to Dr. Schulwolf, the one Dianna said was rough with the kids.  He wasn't real rough but he wasn't real gentle either. And I felt like he was rushing me when I was asking questions so I hardly asked him anything. I need to know how much I should expect her to sleep at night and during the day and how much and how often she should be eating. There's no problem with her growing. She was 15 lbs. 4 oz. & 25". She feels heavier than that to me. But her arms & legs are so fat. Everyone's always saying how big she is. When strangers ask how old she is they say how big she is. Maybe I'm forcing her to eat too much. I just don't know. The book doesn't say how much or how often & I don't know who to ask.

     Dr. Schulwolf did say we could start adding cereal to her formula & we did a couple of weeks ago.