Wed. 6/26/91
Even when we'd only had it for a day, Guy decided to go to Farm Fresh and get some formula & bottles because he felt she wasn't getting enough to eat. There had been a sample can of formula from the hospital and he'd already given that to her in the bottle from the breast pump and there had also been some little plastic feeders that he'd used but that had been sort of deformed from being boiled. (We eventually learned from the pediatrician that we don't have to boil anything, not the equipment or the water.)
We had the breast pump for three weeks before I finally decided that I had to face the fact that I couldn't nurse Elizabeth.
Before giving up though, I tried one more thing. When we were at the hospital on 5/3 to visit the Expectant Arms meeting, I saw Kitty, the other lactation consultant. We talked for a few minutes and she said there was one more thing to try. She gave me a nipple shield. It was a flexible plastic shield that had four holes in the tip. I put it on and Elizabeth was able to get a good hold on it and keep her tongue down. She was actually nursing! However, Kitty said that using the shield can cut down on the milk the baby can get out by 25%. So she still wasn't able to get enough from me. She'd nurse about 15 minutes on each side and 30 minutes after she finished she'd be hungry again. I cried so much & so often about the situation. I'd wanted to nurse Elizabeth so bad that it just hurt so much not to be able to. I felt like I wasn't a good mother and that she didn't like me because I couldn't nurse her properly.
When I decided to stop trying to nurse her I knew I'd hurt for a few days. Janice told me it would be ok to express a little bit whenever the pain got too bad and to take Tylenol & cooler showers or use cool compresses or ice packs. I did everything except the compresses & packs. May 16 was the last day she nursed. I did try it a couple of times the next week but she wasn't interested at all.
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