"Elizabeth is one month old today!"

May 19, 1991

     Elizabeth is one month old today!  It's hard to believe it's been a month already and yet it seems like forever ago.  I need to finish writing about her birth.

     Dr. Baker had said he'd come by & check on me.  Shortly after getting the epidural, one of his partners came by - a Dr. Ropol?  I was still waiting for the epidural to take complete effect so I wasn't too comfortable.  I don't remember what all he said.  All I remember is he had two interns or residents with him and he kept putting his hands on me.  He kept stroking my arm, head, or shoulder the whole time he was there.  After he left I told Guy if he did come back once - I'm not sure.  He did come by the next day (or Sun.?) when I was in a regular room and whenever he touched me I tried pulling away from him - hard to do when you're in a confining hospital bed.  Dr. Baker did come by while I was in labor I think but it may not have been until after I had her.  That's what I hate about not being able to write soon afterwards.  By now I can't remember all the details.

     Like the books said, getting the epidural slowed down the contractions so they started pitocin in my IV at 11:14.  I don't remember being able to tell any difference.

     They had me change positions every 30 min or so, one side or the other or my back.  At one point I tried to go to the bathroom in a bedpan but I couldn't get the muscles to work.  So they had to come use a catheter.  It didn't bother me like the one at the emergency room - I couldn't feel it because of the epidural.

     At some point Carole told the nurse, Kathy, that the monitor didn't seem to be working right, that my contractions were longer & stronger than it was registering.  They called Dr. Rand & someone said he was in surgery.  I thought "Why did he have a surgery scheduled today when he knows I'm here to have my baby!?"  Anyway, he called back & asked if they'd checked me lately.  They hadn't so he said to, so Kathy did & she & Carole just looked at each other & Carole said 'she's fully dilated isn't she?' and Kathy said 'the baby's right there.'  They told Dr. Rand that I was fully dilated and +2, maybe +3, which is how far down the birth canal the baby's head is.  I knew that meant it wouldn't be long, relatively speaking.  I was just hoping that I'd be able to have her vaginally and not have any last-minute complications that would mean having to get a C-section.

     I don't know how long it was before Dr. Rand came but he checked me & said everything looked good and for me to start pushing.  Guy wrote that down that I started at 2:06.  I'm not sure what it was, probably just being tired, but by then it seems like I was kind of out of it.  I was alert enough to know what was going on & to follow directions when they told me something.  Maybe it's just that I lost all sense of time.

     They would tell me, usually Guy, when a contraction was starting.  Then he would hold one leg & Carole held the other while I grabbed both legs behind my knees & pushed.  I think Dr. Rand was still there when I started cause I remember him telling me to hold my breath, and not let it out slowly like I was doing, while I was pushing.  I think Guy & Carole took turns counting to 10 but usually I only made it to 7 or 8 before I'd have to take another breath.  I usually got 3 pushes on each contraction.  Sometimes I'd get a fourth one but only to the count of 5 or 6.

     At some point I started feeling the urge to push & didn't have to wait for them to tell me when.  Sometimes I even felt it coming on before they had a chance to tell me it was coming.  I tried to use a focal point while I was pushing (and earlier when I was breathing).  There was a pretty painting on the opposite wall of a beach scene and I'd focus on some point on it or on the corner of the mat or frame.  The only problem with that was that the nurse or someone would get between me & my focal point sometimes.  I tried to "look through them" when that happened.

     Through the whole day Guy had been giving me ice & water when I needed it.  I sucked on a lolly pop for awhile too.  Some of the times I grouched at him was when I'd ask for ice & he'd try to give me a drink & I'd have to say 'just ice' or vice versa.  The only other time I remember grouching at him was when I was trying to do the breathing while waiting for the epidural to be done.  He was trying to help me regulate my breathing and was right by my face, breathing on me.  In between breaths I growled out at him "Don't breathe on me!"

     I forgot to mention that Dr. Ropol had ordered a respiratory treatment for me.  I can't remember now if I had a nebulizer or not but he left one of those little canister inhalers of Timentin for me to use.  He said to take so many puffs (4?) every 4? hours.  I think I had a nebulizer & after I finished it I did the puffs.  In just a few minutes my head started feeling funny & told Guy I didn't feel right in the head. Then I felt like I was going to pass out and I kind of did.  They laid me down til I felt better.  Carole told my symptoms to Dr. Baker cause I think he came by shortly after it happened.  He left orders for them not to give me any more of that.

     Back to the pushing:  Sometimes in between I would have to cough and Carole said that it was as good as pushing.  I had no idea how much time had gone by but I was just waiting for Dr. Rand to come back cause I knew he wouldn't come back til it was time.  I was getting tired & shaky.  At some point I'd asked Carole & Guy to stretch my legs out between pushes instead of holding them bent.  I was so relieved when I saw Dr. Rand come in.

     After that it's like a part of me was aware of everything and a part of me was in a daze.  They broke down the bottom half of the bed.  There was a cut-out space between my legs and kind of platforms for my feet.  I had to scoot down some & I asked if I could sit up some more.  Kathy said I couldn't too much but pushed the pillows down behind my back some to help.

     I remember still pushing when I needed to and moaning & grunting when I did (The next couple of days my throat was sore from all the noises I made)  Then Dr. Rand told me to stop pushing for a minute & pant.  So I did.  I thought that meant the head was out & he was suctioning her.  Then he told me I could push again and then I pushed so hard that I closed my eyes.  Someone said "look here!"  (Guy said it wasn't him so it was probably Dr. Rand.)  When I opened my eyes he was laying her on my tummy!  I remember noticing that Kathy had put a warm towel on me.  I kind of wrapped her up in the towel; she was so warm.  Guy said 'it really is a girl' & I said 'she does look like you, honey'.  Dr. Rand suctioned her mouth & nose out and clamped the cord.  He handed Guy the scissors and he cut the cord.  We didn't know til later that Carole got a picture of that.  (And right after he laid her on my tummy.)

     I don't remember delivering the afterbirth but I did notice when Dr. Rand started stitching me up.  Meanwhile we were checking Elizabeth out.  I was crying so much and Guy was grinning from ear to ear.  We counted her fingers & toes and tried to see what color her hair was.  We couldn't even tell if she had any.  She was still covered with a lot of blood.  Guy said later that when he first saw her head come out bloody, he thought Dr. Rand had cut her head.

     I need to backtrack & tell what really happened.  When Dr. Rand had told me to stop pushing and pant for awhile, Guy said that's when he did an epesiotomy on me.  Then he fixed the forceps on her head.  When he told me to push again, Guy said he just gave a little tug and out she came, all at once.  But Guy glanced at me because he said I screamed (I don't remember that) then when he looked back she was out.

     I kept asking if she was ok & everyone said she was.  After a little bit she stopped crying & I thought something was wrong with her.  Guy said she didn't have to cry all the time.  She was just looking around with her eyes wide open.  Kathy took her over to check her out and clean her up while Dr. Rand was stitching me up.  I felt pressure from it sometimes.  It seemed to be taking a long time so I asked him how many stitches did I need.  He said a little more than usual because even after cutting me, I still ripped all the way down to the rectum.  I thought 'great! I'll have all sorts or complications like Luana.'  (Luana Carter may have to have surgery because her dr. cut too far into the rectum & cut her colon & she got an infection)

     After he was done & he said all his congrats and we said all our thank yous, Kathy brought Elizabeth back over.  Actually, I think she let Guy bring her over.  She was just a big bundle of blankets with this little face showing from underneath a knit cap.  Carole was taking pictures with our camera & a Polaroid camera that Deanna had loaned us.  Someone had told us over the intercom when Deanna got there & she stayed in the waiting room.  We asked Carole to go down & get her so she came down & got to hold Elizabeth.  Carole took some video then and left shortly after.  The nurses had changed shifts but Kathy stayed til after she'd finished with Elizabeth.  I remember the new nurse coming and introducing herself but I was in the middle of a contraction (pushing) so I kind of ignored her.

April 19, 1991

     We were supposed to have only an hour to stay in that room for recovery but it ended up being about an hour & a half.  Once they took Elizabeth to the nursery they had Guy come to watch them weigh & measure her.  Carole had gone.  Deanna had taken some of our stuff down to my room & was going to leave then.  So it's like all of a sudden I was all alone.  I felt like I'd been deserted.  I couldn't move my legs much yet so I couldn't reach the ice or water or even get a Kleenex.  So I just laid there.  Then I felt something wet on my arm - my IV was leaking.  I couldn't find the nurse call button til finally I found it hanging down the side of the bed.  By the time someone got there it was bleeding.  She just kind of jiggled it a little and it stopped.  She said she wouldn't change the sheets since I'd be leaving soon but that she'd get me a fresh gown.  (She never did.)

     It seemed like forever before Guy came back & I got onto him for leaving me without being able to get to anything.  (I'd asked the nurse to hand me some things after she fixed my IV)  He said he was sorry but he was all excited about seeing them take care of Elizabeth.  He said she was 6 lbs. 5 oz. and 20" long.  I felt better knowing she was between 6 & 7 lbs.  And she was apparently healthy.  I asked about her hair & he said he couldn't tell yet cause it still needed to be cleaned.

     The new nurse finally came back to get me ready to go to my room.  I wasn't sure if I'd be able to stand up & get in the wheelchair myself, but I did.  The ride to the room was a little bumpy.  My rear end hurt.