"I just want to get through next week"

Thursday, Oct. 4, 1990

     I'm almost 11 weeks now & it's making me really nervous.  The nausea has started getting better but I still don't feel like eating a big meal.  I lost 3 more lbs last week.  Guy's still cooking.  I think that's helped more than anything, not having to smell what's cooking.
   One thing I don't quite understand - even though I just don't have any energy, it doesn't seem like I'm getting as much sleep as the last time.  Part of it is Chief waking me up after Guy leaves.  It's worse some mornings than others.  But last time I was always ready to go to sleep at 10:00 with Guy instead of staying up til 11:00.  Now, it's only like that every once in awhile.  And I used to sleep from 2:00 in the afternoon til Guy got home at 4:30-5:00.  But even though I usually don't come upstairs til after my story, I hardly ever go right to sleep.  Sometimes I'll sleep for maybe an hour.  Sometimes not at all.  Even when I don't sleep, it's nice to be able to relax away from Chief.  Sometimes he protests for a little while & sometimes I don't hear a peep.  It's getting harder to play with him though.  Besides him getting stronger, he's always bumping or stepping or just plopping down on my stomach.  Besides all the scratching he does. (We're planning to get some clippers fro him this weekend.)
     Guy got upset at me one day.  I don't remember when or even why.  But he said something to the effect that he's here to support me but he doesn't feel like he can with me being so picky about everything.  It may have been something I said about him cleaning.  I told him that I was sorry if I was doing that and that I do need his support and for him to please understand the way I act is probably because I'm so scared and nervous about making it past 11 & 1/2 weeks.  And the closer it gets, the more scared & nervous I get.  And I guess I just don't know how to deal with it.  I want to be close to Guy but I feel like there's some kind of barrier between us.  We don't talk about the baby as much as we did the first one.  And after what happened then, I thought he'd really pamper me this time.  He said all I need to do is laundry & cooking.  He's taken on the cooking so that leaves the laundry.  And to me that's one of the most strenuous things to do - having to pick up a basket full of clothes, having to twist & turn to put them from the washer to the dryer, even just bending down over & over to put them in the washer to start with.
     I know he's tired when he gets home from work but the housework still needs to be done & he just doesn't make the time to do it all enough.  Once it was 2 weeks between cleaning our bathroom.  He did change the towels but the mold in the sink was really starting to get to me.  And even with this air filter, it seems to get dusty so quickly in our room.  But he has dusted more in here than he has downstairs.  I'm just scared to say anything else to him about cleaning so I don't get him upset.
     I just want to get through next week.  If we make it past 11 1/2 weeks, maybe I can start relaxing a little & not be so tense or picky about things, & we can enjoy the pregnancy.