"I just know the next few weeks will be hard."

Wed. Sept. 12, 1990

     We went to have the ultrasound & see Dr. Levy today.  Guy had to meet me there.  They did the ultrasound first.  She said the size looked right for the length of pregnancy & said it was 7 1/2 weeks.  She said she saw some kind of shadow and asked if anyone ever mentioned the possibility of a double uterus.  That took me by surprise.  I said no, then later remembered & told her that I'd had a laparoscopy done & he would've told me then if I did.  I told her that I was told it leans to the left but she didn't seemed concerned about that.  She also said she saw some kind of canal.  I didn't understand what she called it.  I asked if that was bad & she said no.  We did see the heartbeat.  It didn't look the same as last time.  Instead of looking like a blip going off & on, it was definitely a regular beat.  She said she wanted to do a vaginal ultrasound to see if that shadow might be another baby.  So I went to the bathroom & she did that.  She said there was only one.  Then she went back to the regular one to look at my ovaries.  I think she measured one cyst still left from the ovulation.  She didn't say much about that.  She gave us two pictures but didn't write any cute sayings on them like the girl did the last time.  That was ok with me.
     Then we went to talk to that nurse, Marilyn.  I'd told Guy I was going to say something to her if I didn't lose my nerve, about her telling me to wait in a roomful of pregnant women after I lost the baby.  But I did lose my nerve & didn't mention it.  But I couldn't look her in the eye either.  After all the questions, we had to go back to the waiting room for awhile before she took us back to see Dr. Levy.  He said we'd met before & I told him we'd only seen Dr. Sayegh and Dr. Warsof last time.  He looked over my records & then said that they wouldn't be our doctors this time.  I'd already found out that Dr. Warsof & the young dr. had left & because only the 2 of them were left they only took patients on referral.  But now he was saying they don't do regular OB care from the beginning of pregnancy, only when another dr. refers someone to them because of a problem that's developed.  I asked "so what are we supposed to do now?"  He said he would refer us to another pair of drs. who deal with high-risk pregnancies, Dr. Rand & Dr. Pruitz.  He said there are other drs. in their group but the two of them work only on high-risk cases.  He also said something about genetic counseling & I said why cause we'd done that before.  I don't remember what he said but Guy told him we didn't need to go over all the same thing again.  I was just kind of in shock cause I felt like we were being deserted.  I do remember saying something about where are these OB's who took care of the CF women who had babies that Dr. Rubio kept talking about.  He was asking about my CF dr. & I told him Dr. Lazarus just left so I'll be getting a new one.  He didn't act too pleased about that.  Anyway, he had Marilyn call & get us an appt. with Dr. Rand.  She said they had offices at Medical Tower (next to Norf. Gen) and Kempsville.  We said K.ville.  Then she had me get on the phone to make the appt. & when I asked for directions I found out it's K.ville Rd. in Norf. by Leigh Mem. Hosp., not our K.ville.  It's still closer though.  The appt. is Mon. the 24th at 1 pm.  I hope Guy will be able to go with me.  It'll be his first day back at work after this 2wk school so they may not let him off.
     I was hoping I'd feel better after having the ultrasound & seeing the dr.  I'm glad to know that the baby's ok so far.  But so was the first one.  I still feel like everyone is abandoning us & we're left to face this on our own.  I keep thinking it was the flu shot that caused the miscarriage but part of me says what if it wasn't that? It could happen again.  I just know the next few weeks will be hard.