"That doesn't mean I like doing it all alone."

Sun. Feb. 16, 1992

     Seems like the more I feel the need to write, the less time I have to write.

     Thursday night Ez. woke up at midnight & wouldn't go back to sleep. She was ok til I scooted her down, then she started screaming. I couldn't get her back to sleep. Guy tried awhile then had to go to sleep so I had to take over. She didn't got to sleep til 2:30. She didn't scream the whole time, just whenever we laid her down. I don't remember what all we did but she finally went to sleep when I was rocking her til she was good & sound asleep before I put her down. She slept til 8:44 Friday morning.

     I'd made some sugar cookie dough Thu. night while Guy was giving Ez. her bath. It was supposed to chill at least an hour so I figured it'd be easier to make the dough then & back the cookies the next morning. Thank goodness she went down for her nap without too much fuss. (She slept from 10:30-12:00) The cookies weren't as easy as I thought they'd be. First I rolled the dough too thin and I couldn't get them off the waxed paper without tearing them up. So I had to start over. I'd ended up having to roll the dough between two layers of waxed paper to keep it from cracking at the edges. I was just finishing cleaning up while the last batch was baking when Ez. woke up. I made them in heart shapes with red sugar on top. I made a smaller one for Ez. & she liked it.

     When I was fixing out lunch, Guy came home. He brought me a potted flower – the tag says it's a dwarf azalea and can be put indoors or out. I was trying to think where we could plant it – it's pink so it would clash with the bushes in front of the porch. But Guy said we should keep it inside. Hopefully I can keep it alive. I'd told him he didn't have to get me pink roses cause I know we can't afford it right now. It sure would be nice tho.

     He said they're supposed to get Friday afternoons off but he might not always. We took a nap when Ez. did but he started snoring so I only slept about 40 minutes. I didn't want to poke him & wake him up cause I knew he was really tired. I don't remember how long Ez. slept. We got him up at 4:00 though cause he'd said he wanted to go running. We were supposed to go to a Sweetheart Mystery Dinner at the building at 7:00. Guy said there'd be baby-sitting available. It was Ryan Bailey and Amber Forsythe in charge of the babies (they're only about 12 years old.) and Crutch in charge of the older kids. They needed more help. They gave Ez. a honey graham cracker. (She's not supposed to have honey til she's 2.) She didn't have a bib so she got her clothes all messy. I'd told Crutch to give her a bottle at 8:00. (He was the only one there when we got there & I didn't know how it was going to be.) I went a little after 8:00 to see if they were giving it to her or not & they weren't. I was trying to tell them around the edge of the door without her seeing me but she started crying worse after she saw me. So I went ahead & started giving her her bottle. Ryan was holding Lauren Wilson and Amber had Alma Carter but she was taking her to Crutch so when Amber got back I gave Ez. to her to give her her bottle & she started crying. I hated to leave but I knew I had to. When I went to check on her after I finished eating, she was with Crutch in the kitchen doorway with the tail of her onesie hanging out. I asked who'd changed her & Crutch said he had. I took her to the nursery & put her sleeper on then took her & her bottle in back with me. She fell asleep on the way home & this is the first time I remember her not waking up when Guy brought her in from the car. I don't remember now how late she slept Sat. – at least 8:00 I think.

     Now, to backtrack. We were getting ready to go to the dinner. I was in the bathroom putting on my makeup. Guy had Ez. on the bed with him. All of a sudden I heard a big bump & Ez. started screaming. She rolled off the end of the bed. Guy got to her before I did & he wouldn't let me have her. I hate it when he won't let me hold her when she's hurt. I asked him what she hit and he said her bottom hit first then her head fell back. I asked him what he was doing & he said putting his socks on. I asked him why he wasn't watching her & he said he was – she was right behind him when he sat down & before he knew it she was at the end. He told me not to worry, that she was ok, and that she's going to fall off the bed & other things & I said not if you watch her. He said he was sorry more than once but I was still upset when we left. We haven't talked about it since then.

     It rained most of the day yesterday. We went to Baby Superstore & Wal-Mart yesterday. We got some cabinet latches, a cup for her to drink from, a set of teethers in the shape of a hand & a foot, a mirror you can clip on your visor to see in the back seat, just misc. stuff – I looked through the clearance racks at B.S. and got her some blue jeans for $10. I think they have an elastic waist but the legs snap which is the main thing. They're 24 mos. so they should last awhile.

     Guy just called to see how we're doing. They took him off the watch bill so he should be able to get some sleep tonight – if he can find a rack. They don't have an empty one to assign to him yet.

     Ez. took her nap after eating as soon as we got home yesterday aft. We caught up a little bit on our tape watching. Then I felt rushed the rest of the evening. Ez. was getting tired & cranky so I had to miss the last half of Star Trek trying to get her to sleep. She really fought it. I was going to let her just cry herself to sleep while I was folding laundry. Guy finally came up & asked if I wanted him to get her. I said that would defeat the purpose of trying to get her to go to sleep on her own. I forgot what all he said but I finally said go ahead & get her. So it was Daddy to the rescue again, making Mommy out to be the bad guy. I did dishes & made bottles & did books before coming upstairs. It was after 10:00 by then and they finally had the ice skating men's finals on so I watched that. Then I still had to wash my hair but I wasn't about to sit under the dryer for an hour that late. I have no idea what time Ez. went to sleep. As far as I remember, she didn't wake up overnight.

     She woke up about 10 til 8:00 this morning. I didn't have time to give her anything but a bottle. It was about 9:05 when we got to class. She did good in class, took a bottle of juice during church and slept for 30 minutes. She ate a good lunch & didn't fight too much for her nap. I slept for about an hour & she slept for over 2 hours. I was able to read yesterday's paper & do the crossword before she got up.

     I left Chief outside for the aft. cause it was such a nice day. He kept barking at some trash that was blowing around behind the fence.

     She started getting cranky around 7. I went ahead & put her pajamas on but held off on the bottle til 7:30. She didn't give me too much trouble brushing her teeth. But she fought going to bed. It took about 30 min. of alternating positions rocking & standing & swaying. She's stirred & cried a little twice but I just had to give her pacifier back & pat her bottom a couple of minutes. She was sideways while ago & I tried to just swing her legs back around without moving her too much. Hopefully she's out for the night now & we can both get a good night's sleep. Guy should be home around 8-8:30. He has tomorrow off for President's Day.

     I just thought of something – last night when Guy had her on the couch she was trying to put the pacifier in his mouth. She was doing that to me when I was rocking her tonight. In the past week I discovered that if you hold your hand out & ask her to give you something (whatever she's got in her hand) she will. She's been wanting to put her hands in her food bowl when we're feeding her. We were going to get her a bowl with a suction cup on the bottom but they didn't have one I liked at B.S. There's one at Farm Fresh I want to get. And she's finally getting good at chewing & swallowing – as long as it's not something she can smash in her hand before she ever gets it to her mouth. She's really gotten to like the givieback toast & the toddler cookies. But since she started those she doesn't like the rice cakes any more. I got some apple/cinnamon flavored ones but haven't tried those yet. She's had french fries & we put ketchup on one last time. She seemed to like it ok. Seems like there was something else I wanted to write about but I can't think of what it was. I need to get some sleep anyway. I hope I don't have any trouble getting to sleep. This is the first time Guy's been gone at night in about a year. I guess today went pretty good for the most part. That doesn't mean I like doing it all alone.

February 14, 1992