"[I'm] not sure I'm ready to be a mother..."

Mon, April 1, 1991

     Friday night we spent a couple of hours working in the front bedroom.  We got the baby's chest cleaned out.  I want to get some shelf paper to put in the drawers.  Guy said it would be ok to keep the regular chest for myself.  I'm supposed to work in there some today, sorting through some boxes of papers. Hopefully we'll be able to get the furniture rearranged and the crib set up by next weekend.

     Sat. was Michelle Forsythe & Bob Bridgeman's wedding.  I went at 9:00 for an appt. to get my hair done up in a french braid.  Actually, Guy took me.  It looked really nice.  The wedding was at 12:30 at Oceana CoC.  We'd wondered why they were having it there instead of at Granby.  I think it was because they had tapes of instrumental music and they don't allow that at Granby.  I'll try to remember to write about that later.

     The wedding was very nice.  The preacher was a professor from NE Christian Jr. College in PA.  I think Michelle went there before she went to Harding.  The baby was kicking me all through the ceremony so I guess she enjoyed it too. The reception was at the Radisson Hotel out toward the oceanfront. It was really nice, too. They had hors d'oeuvres available upstairs - we were able to find the elevator though. I only drank some punch cause I figured it wouldn't be that long before we ate. But they (the wedding party) didn't get there til nearly 2:30. It was a sit-down dinner in a large room downstairs. When we'd returned our RSVP card we'd had to mark our choice of chicken or roast beef. We picked chicken & it was very good. We had salads first. The chicken was served with wild rice and a vegetable mix of cauliflower, carrots, and zucchini and very nice rolls. There wasn't any tea though. They had water and then brought some sparkling cider for the toast. I wasn't looking forward to drinking water with my meal. Even if they'd had tea I couldn't have had it because of the caffeine. Then I spied someone getting some punch from a table on the far side of the room. So Guy went over there about 3-4 times - the glasses were pretty small.
     After we ate we mingled a little bit and they finally cut the cake. We didn't have any though. It looked like there was a layer of chocolate & a layer of white. We got to talk to Bob & Michelle for a little bit & said our goodbyes to her folks.

March 30, 1991

     We saw Rob Hardison on the way out & he said he'd mail the picture when he gets it done. I probably haven't written about that yet. Ever since he moved back here after graduating from Harding, I've been after him to let me look through his artwork and let me buy something to add to my collection of Harding art. But he'd always say he didn't have anything I'd like cause he didn't do "living room art." After their wedding, Gina went down to Atlanta to start training for her new job & he was staying here til this weekend. I talked to him after church one Sunday & told him if he wasn't taking all his art with him I was going to go over to his folks' house after he left & look through & pick something out. I forget what all we said back & forth but finally we settled on the idea of him doing something new that we could put in the baby's room. He asked if I remembered a certain picture in his folks' den & I kind of did. It was a watercolor of a tricycle, kind of impressionistic. I told him that would be nice. He said it wouldn't be a tricycle but something in a similar idea & style. I said ok. I also told him I was willing to pay him as long as it wasn't an arm & a leg, maybe an arm. He never really said anything about a price though. Gayle told me one Sun. that he'd started on it but stopped when Gina came back for a few days. Gina told me he was excited about doing it because he'd never had a special request before. I'm looking forward to seeing what he comes up with.
     Back to Sat., we stopped by K-Mart to leave the film to be developed cause we finished the roll at the reception. Then we went by the credit union to deposit my allotment in the ATM. Guy hadn't gotten home in time to take me Fri. aft. & I didn't want to have to go by myself and stand in line.
     I was tired when we finally got home and took a nap from about 5:30-6:45. It took me awhile to get fully awake. Guy fixed popcorn for us to have while we watched Star Trek. Then we watched tapes for awhile. When we went upstairs we taped my tummy to show the difference since the baby's dropped.
     I woke up in the middle of the night & went to the bathroom & couldn't go to sleep. I started thinking about everything and how I'm ready for this to be over with but not sure I'm ready to be a mother, about how hard it's going to be to deliver and wondering if I'm going to be able to do it or end up having a C-section. I just couldn't get comfortable & tossed & turned til Guy woke up. We talked awhile cause I started crying telling him all the things I was thinking. I remember saying I missed Mom & being able to have her helping me through this. He just kept telling me that everything would be ok, that I'll be able to make it through and he'll be right there the whole time to help me. I think I said something to the effect that I didn't know how he'd be able to help me very well with the breathing cause we weren't practicing enough. He said we would and last night we did. Hopefully we'll do it every night from now on.
     Last night we brought the video camera down and Guy taped me walking up & down the hall to show how I'm waddling now. I was only walking a little bit funny before but since the baby's dropped I can't put my legs close together to walk normally. I can hardly cross my legs wither. I thought I'd be able to breathe easier once the baby dropped but it doesn't seem to be much better. I had a coughing spell last night and it hurt both my sides at the waistline. They're sore today, especially the left side & especially when I cough. The place I hurt that we went to the emergency room for is doing a lot better. It doesn't hurt when I cough but it still aches some when I'm tired.
     I spent this morning recording some classical music off of records onto cassettes. I filled up an hour tape.