"We ended up in Maryland."

Sat., February 1, 1992

     Well, we finally got to Nick & Tina's a little after 9:00 last night. Guy had written down the directions Nick gave him over the phone & was having me read them to him. I couldn't tell what went with what the way he divided the lines up. We couldn't find the exit we were looking for so he turned around & went the other way. We ended up in Maryland. So we turned around again & went for miles & miles before finding the exit. Meanwhile Ez. was screaming her head off. I finally crawled over to sit in the back with her & give her a bottle but she didn't go to sleep. I had to just keep trying different things to keep her quiet but nothing worked for long.

     When we finally got to their street we couldn't see the house numbers. We drove on down & turned around & came back to where we thought it was & there was a man on the sidewalk & Guy said it looked like Nick. He rolled down the window & said "Hey Nick-is that you?" & it was. So here we are.

     Ez. didn't go to sleep til after 10:00. She woke up about 3 times, started at about 3:30. Finally she wouldn't go back to sleep at 6:30 so Guy took her down & gave her a bottle. They were already up with Evan & offered to take care of Ez. so we could sleep some more. We got up at 8:00 & ate at 9:00.

     They rented a movie to watch this aft. -L.A. Story- with Steve Martin. It was funny but pretty strange. Ez. slept for about 1&1/2 hrs. this morning & a little over an hour this aft. We'd planned to take a drive into DC just before sunset so we could see the scenery along the way and then see all the buildings lit up in DC. We were a little late getting started then had to stop for gas & went through the car wash. So we didn't see much scenery. There were lots of huge houses &/or mansions along the way, a winding 2-lane road. Some houses you could tell were owned by very rich people. Once it got dark & Ez. finished her bottle she got fussy. I'd fed her & started her bottle just before we left & didn't think to take a bottle of juice or two, too. I finally managed to hum her to sleep but she woke up when we stopped at a traffic light. She made a lot of grunting noises so I thought she'd pooped. Nick eventually found a place to pull over in DC & Guy checked her diaper. It wasn't poopy but he changed her anyway. We just drove around & looked at a few buildings then came back. When we were in the lights I read her books to her over & over. Once we were out of the city & it was dark again she started in again. Luckily it didn't take us as long to get back cause we didn't take the scenic route. We were all in Nick & Tina's station wagon, starting out with Nick & Guy in front, Evan, Ez. & me in the back seat, and Brian & Tina in the rear-facing seat. When we stopped for Ez., Guy & Tina traded places cause she was feeling a little nauseous. Seems like she gets tired pretty easily. She said she'll never be back to 100%. She goes every 3 mos. for checkups, soon to be every 4 mos. If she makes it to November without any new problems, she'll be 2 yrs. from when she finished chemotherapy and will be considered cured. I sure hope she's going to be ok. I can't imagine what it would be like to go through something like that. Especially being 6 mos. pregnant. She said the treatments killed her ovaries so she has to take hormones.

"That's one thing I haven't worried about."

Thursday, Jan. 30, 1992

     Yesterday we went to visit Ann Prescott at the hospital & got to talk to her for about 30 minutes. She's doing pretty good. Before we saw her we went across the street to see Carol Ficklen. She hasn't changed much. She & Andy are trying to start their family now.

     Ez's 9-mo. checkup was yesterday afternoon. She weighs 20&1/2 lbs. & 30&1/2". Dr Karp said she's doing good. Everything we asked her about she said not to worry about. The only thing she was concerned about is that she's not pulling up yet. That's one thing I haven't worried about. She said she should be doing that by her 12-mo. checkup. She tried to get her to stand up but she wouldn't so she gave her to Guy to try & she only kind of did for him. Dr. Karp said most babies won't "perform" when the parents are telling her what they can do. There was a medical student with her but he didn't do anything.

     She talked to us again about testing Ez. for CF. She said there's not anything she'd do differently to treat her whether she has it or not. We told her we'd think about it. I'm just afraid that if she is diagnosed with it, she'll never be able to get any insurance, medical or life.

     Today we went to work in the church library. Guy ended up doing most of the work. Luana kept her down in the office but when I went down to check on her she was getting pretty fussy. I gave her a bottle of juice & when she was almost done I realized it was almost lunch time. So I got her lunch ready to feed her & I didn't have her spoon or bib. I had to feed her with a regular spoon & she did ok. She seemed like she was ready for a nap so I went to the nursery to rock her to sleep. She just wanted to look around at every-thing. So I went up to the library & Guy was almost done restacking the cassette tapes. He said he'd watch her while I typed up cards for some new books. He came downstairs before I was done & walked around with her til she fell asleep. We finished up upstairs & then waited til she woke up instead of waking her to leave. We went to Wal-Mart to get some stuff.

     I forgot to mention that Dr. Karp said Ez. can have dairy products now. She said to just use up whatever formula we have left the switch to whole milk. But we're going to just add the two together and gradually increase the ratio of milk to formula. We started this morning with 4 oz. formula & 2 oz. milk. So far so good.

     Guy washed my car this aft. & even dusted & vacuumed inside too. Tomorrow we're going to visit Nick & Tina for the weekend. They live somewhere near DC. They used to be here in the Navy but they went to Central. We lived in the same apartments way back then. Tina & Guy hit it off. Nick is quiet like me. They're from TN. Brian was a baby then. I'm not sure how old he is now but Evan is almost 2. Tina says he's a tiger. It should be an interesting weekend. Tina had to have surgery about 1&1/2 years ago for a brain tumor. We didn't know about it til months later.

This is my 100th blog post!

This is my 100th blog post!!!

     In honor of this milestone, I just wanted to take a minute to thank everyone who has ever taken the time to read any of my posts. I started this blog a little over two years ago, and I never imagined it would be so well-received. Since starting this blog, overall it has had over 5,000 views. I've even had viewers read it from outside the United States. People in places like Russia, Germany, Australia, the U.K., France, Canada, Romania, Latvia, & Poland are even reading my blog, and on a pretty regular basis too! I never would have thought this blog could be successful internationally, but it is!

     This blog means more to me than anyone could possibly imagine. Yes, I do have memories of my mom. She didn't die until I was 6. I have pretty clear memories all the way back to when I was 2. So I never didn't remember my mom. But what 6 year old is capable of actually knowing their mother? That's what these journals have been to me. I've had numerous people tell me as I was growing up what my mom was like, but these journals have been the key to me knowing my mom as a person. It helps me see in what ways we were alike and in what ways we were different. And it makes me want to be an amazing mother one day.

     So thank you ALL who have read these posts up to this point! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

Tuesday, January 28, 1992

     Yesterday was Mom's 78th birthday. I sent her a card last week even though I know she won't know the difference. When I was rocking Ez. to sleep Sun. night I was talking to her about Mom - how I wish she could have known her before she got sick. How I hope Daddy will stay well so that she'll get old enough to remember him that way, cause I can only remember Papa as a sick old man.

     I never really had figured it up until now how old of kids we'd have now if we'd been able to get pregnant according to the way we'd planned things. Our oldest would have been 9 yrs. old this month. We started seriously trying in April 1982 which would've made the baby due in January 1983. Then we would've tried again between his going to school in CA and going to the Persian Gulf in 1985 and that baby would've come in Jan. '86. If we'd waited til he got back from that cruise, it wouldn't have been born til May '86. So the second one would be 5&1/2 or 6. We would've tried again after his S. American cruise which ended just before xmas '87. That baby would've been born in Sept. or Oct. '88 & be 3 yrs. old now. Then we would've tried again while he was on shore duty & probably have aimed for having that baby in June '91, making it 6 mo. old now.

     It's practically impossible to imagine having that many kids or any that old now. Life as we know it now would not be remotely the same. And I'd probably feel twice as old as I feel now.

     Of course, if we hadn't lost the first baby, it would've been born in June '90 & be 19 months old now. But we probably wouldn't have Elizabeth now if the other baby had been ok because we wouldn't have been trying again with it only 2 mos. old.

     I know it doesn't do any good to wonder about how things might have been. I don't think about it as often as I used to. I'm just so thankful that we do have Elizabeth now & that she's healthy & growing even though she's growing too fast.

     I figured out when I was in college that the older you get, the faster time goes by. But since Ez. was born it seems like the days are flying by.

     Sat. was a nice day. Ez. took long naps in the morning and afternoon. We rented & watched two movies. Robin Hood (w/Kevin Costner) and City Slickers. Both were pretty good but not as good as I'd expected. But it was nice to sit & snuggle on the couch, eating popcorn, watching the fireplace.

     I can't remember anything special happening on Sun. We stayed in yesterday - it was rainy & gloomy most of the day. The sun came out in the aft. & Guy took Chief for a walk. He didn't get to run around loose cause there were a lot of kids playing in the street.

     We rearranged the living room yesterday. We moved the end table at this end of the couch cause it's too easy for Ez. to pull it over. (It's a 3-legged table with a floor-length tablecloth.) We set the lamp on top of the piano, scooted the couch down in front of the end of the piano, moved the other end table along with the couch, and slid the word processor table into the space that created, making a little more room in the dining room. We took the books off the shelf unit and scooted it down to make room by the fireplace for the end table & lamps where the newspaper stacker was. The stacker is on the other side of the fireplace now with the chair moved out some. I don't like it sticking out as much as it is but Haven't figured out what to do about it yet. I put away my bunnies from the top of the bookcase, then put the plants on top of it. I'll have to start keeping the watering can under the kitchen sink again. Can't think of any other use for that table so we'll probably take it apart & put it away. The hard part is going to be keeping the coffee table cleared off. Even though Ez. isn't crawling or pulling up she rolls around quite a bit and has bumped that end table a couple of times. It's getting harder to keep her from getting Chief's toys. I found her on her play quilt yesterday with his booda bone in her lap. I don't know if he gave it to her or just left it within her reach. One thing he's started doing is taking his ball & dropping it in front of her. I don't understand that cause he knows she can't throw it for him without help. He always likes for us to fight him for the ball instead of "fetching". But if Ez. tries to get it from him he'll back off & let her have it. A few times I've sat in the floor with her on my lap & when she gets the ball I'll take her hand and help her throw it for him. (Guy finally trimmed Chief's nails yesterday so it doesn't sound like he's ripping up the carpet when he's running.)

     I think Ez. is starting to understand the word "no". I try not to say it too much. I'll also say "un uh", or "leave that alone" or "not for baby". It's mainly when she tries to get in the kitchen trash or in the diaper changing stuff downstairs. It's interesting to watch her reactions though. First I'll say her name & she'll stop & turn around & look at me. Then I'll say "no" or whatever & she'll look back & forth a time or two & then let go when I say something again. Then she'll do it again, same way. The third time after I say it I go & if she's still touching it, swat her hand, say it again & move her to a different spot. No fussing about it so far.

"...we don't have any money to spare these days."

Saturday, Jan. 25, 1992

     I got up with Ez. this morning & let Guy sleep til 9:00. We've both been getting up this past week & eating breakfast together. I told Guy I wanted one morning to sleep late next week. I wish she didn't wake up at 7:00 every morning. Sometimes it's 6 or 6:30 when I first hear her. I try to hold her off from eating before 7:30. Til 8:00 if I can, hoping that will keep her from waking up so early. I think the sun coming in her windows is what wakes her up sometimes - one cloudy morning she slept til nearly 8:00. Sometimes she wakes up with a messy diaper. I think it would help if we could block the sun from her windows. They have drapery liners in the Sears catalog that I'd like to order but we don't have any money to spare these days.

     I got some sewing done yesterday - finished some overalls and two pair of sweatpants. The sweats were easy. Guy had to put the snaps on the overalls for me. I got started on a onesie and still have a shirt to make (to match the overalls). Then I'll have everything made that I already had cut out. She doesn't really need any more clothes right now.

     We've been getting along pretty good this week. I don't think we've been getting on each other's nerves too much. It still feels like we're an "old married couple" now though.

"...a new resolution: to write every day. We'll see how long it lasts."

Thursday, Jan. 23, 1992

     A new notebook! And a new resolution: to write every day. We'll see how long it lasts.

     This afternoon we went to Leigh Memorial Hosp. to see Mark Pugh. He had surgery yesterday to extend his lower jaw. His mouth will be wired shut about 2-3 weeks & he'll be on a liquid diet & unable to talk all that time. I took him some old copies of Texas Highways magazines that were still laying around. Some I haven't even read yet, even though they were 2-3 years old. But I figured if I haven't read them by now I never would.

     I don't have the time to read like I used to. I've read more while Guy's been home but I'm so far behind in y magazines I don't know when I'll be able to catch up. I'm going to let my subscription to McCall's expire this time. 

     I finally made some cookies tonight. Guy's been wanting me to make some since xmas. He ended up helping with them - he was so anxious to get some. I don't know how many he ate. I had two.

     Ez. is finally starting to try chewing on things. But instead of swallowing what she bites off she spits it out. And she still spits out any baby food that has any chunks in it. We've also tried feeding her real slices of carrots & bananas. She just likes to smush them up. She's also into swinging her arms around, banging on the table, and swiping things off the table. We give her a spoon sometimes just so she can get used to it. It usually ends up on the floor though. We bought a vinyl tablecloth to put under her chair. It goes from the wall to about halfway under the table and about a foot out from each side of it. I thought it would be easy to clean up til we discovered the Dust Buster doesn't work any more. Now I have to get down & wipe everything up.

     We finally got the xmas decorations down yesterday. The living room looks spacier now. I put away all the bunnies that were sitting on the top of the bookcase then put my plants up there. They should get enough sunlight there & they'll be out of Ez.'s way. I'll have to keep the watering can under the kitchen sink. That's something else we'll have to do soon - put latches on all the cabinets. She's still not crawling but when she's in her walker she tries to open the ones that have handles on them. A couple of times this week she's taken a step or two forward in her walker. She still goes mostly backwards & sideways though. She may turn out to be one of those babies that never crawl & just start pulling up & walking.

     I should write about the Pugh's going-away party. It was at the Cuthrell's last Friday. We made lasagna & since ours was one of the last ones put out, we had lots left. After eating, they had a roast. I made up a list - "12 Things I Never Saw a Preacher Do...Until I met Mark Pugh." Some things were funnier than others. I'll copy it down later. After that I was going to do a Razorback yell. I'd put on my Razorback sweatshirt. I tried to talk Guy into it beforehand but he said maybe so I figured he was going to give me a hard time til then and then do it. But when I was ready to do that part he just sat there. I said "you're going to make me do this by myself aren't you?" & he said yes. Then other people started saying oh, come on Guy & everyone started yelling for him to & his face turned red but he finally got up there & did it with me. Everyone got a big kick out of that. A few people said something about it at church Sun. about they never would've expected such a thing of me cause I'm so quiet. I was so embarrassed when we were doing it but after it was over I was glad we did. I didn't admit that to anyone but Guy.

     Kathy Dotson came over & stayed with Elizabeth. Philip came with her. She wouldn't let us pay her though. We'd told her we'd be back by 10:30 & we were a little late. I don't know what time it ended cause they were still going when we left. We'd asked Barb if she could keep her but she didn't want to come over here. I thought Ez. would probably do better if she could go to sleep in her own bed instead of at someone else's house & I guess it worked cause Kathy said she didn't have any trouble at all. I do wish we had a regular babysitter. I sure do miss Deanna.

"Now we have to make it through almost 3 yrs. of sea duty."

Wed., Jan. 22, 1992

     Things have been going pretty well lately. Ez. started sleeping better at night. She hasn't taken any naps longer than about an hour except for a 2-hr. one this past Mon.

     It was kind of nice having Guy go back to work last week but it's nice to have him home again. So he's finally through with his shore leave. In a way it was a long 3 yrs. cause he had to put in so much overtime and it wasn't the easy-going atmosphere like it was at his last shore duty. Now we have to make it through almost 3 yrs. of sea duty. I sure don't look forward to his first cruise. I told him one day when he got home from work that I might like having him work every other week. We're trying to keep Ez. on a better schedule while he's off this time.

     He took the chiefs test again the day before he left SIMA. He said this was the hardest one ever. He always says that but he said everyone else was saying that this time. This'll be his last time to take the test. He got his best evils. ever this time - straight 4.0's and he was ranked this time where he never has been before. I sure hope he makes it this time.

     I don't think I wrote about New Year's Eve. Mark & Linda Pugh invited us over for the party they had for the Singles. It was pretty fun & Ez. did pretty good. She was awake til about 10:30. She slept through all the noise at midnight - the teens came over from their party at the building with lots of noisemakers. She woke up when we put her in the car but I sat in the back & gave her a bottle on the way home. She didn't wake up when we got home but she didn't sleep late the next morning.

     She just turned 9 mos. Sunday. I still can't believe how fast she's growing. We got the video camera out Mon. to make some tape of her & the camera fell off the tripod. Guy was so upset. He called Sears to see if that was covered under the maintenance agreement. They said it wasn't, so then he was even more upset. Tues. he took it over to the service center but didn't tell them it fell. They fixed it for free. It was recording the sound but not pictures. It's fine now. Then he took the tripod to the store to get a refund. They were going to just exchange it because they discovered a crack in the piece where the camera fits on. When she went to get another one the girl found they were all cracked. So he paid the extra money to get the $100 model. They did let him have 10% off because I'd bought the first one when they had a special sale day where everything in the store was 10% off. This one has thicker legs & it looks sturdier - it goes up higher too. We just taped a little bit to be sure it worked. I want to just run the tape showing Ez. playing in the floor. It's hard to get her to act natural in front of the camera sometimes, she just wants to look at it.

     She's started saying dada this week but not necessarily to Guy. Nothing that sounds like mama yet.

     Well, time to start a new notebook. I bought one before our trip, thinking I'd need it while we were gone. If I was able to write as much as I wanted I'd go through notebooks a lot faster.

January 17, 1992

January 19, 1992

"...he said to just let him live his life."

Sat., January 4, 1992

     I guess we had a good first Christmas with Elizabeth. It wasn't exactly like I'd pictured it. I figured she'd be crawling by now and wanting to get into the tree & the presents. Whenever we'd first turn the tree lights on, she'd watch them blink for a couple of minutes then look for something else to do. When it came to opening packages xmas morning, she helped pull the bows off once I'd start them. I think she liked all the things Santa brought. We may have gone a little overboard but not too much. I intend to start a word processor disk to list all her xmas & birthday presents so she can remember or look back on it when she grows up. Sometimes I think back to certain things I got for xmas and wish I could remember when it was.

     Anyway, we sat her down in the middle of things and showed her her new toys & things one at a time. She seemed to get excited about each new thing. And we got it all on video tape! I'm so glad we got that camera, even if it's taking forever to pay for it. One of Guy's xmas presents was a tripod so we could all be in the picture together.

     That afternoon we went over to Mike & Carole's. There was a girl there that Carole works with, her daughter, (her husband's at sea), and a friend of hers (male). We took Chief with us. He did ok. Better there than he did in the car. We laid half of the back seat down. I had to finally hold his leash &/or collar to get him to be still and even then he wasn't still and was constantly whining. I don't know how but he's got to learn to behave in the car, especially now that Elizabeth is back there.

     In case I haven't mentioned it, I took Ez. in for a weight check the week after our trip. She was 19 & 1/2 lbs. & the nurse said that was close enough to turn her car seat forward. We have it in the middle of the back seat (except when Chief went along). One of us still has to sit back there with her sometimes when she gets fussy & won't go to sleep without a bottle. Sometimes we even have to stop on the side of the road for me to move from front to back. Once I even switched at a stop light. Hopefully she'll get used to being in the back seat alone soon.

     Back to xmas day. We went over about 1:30 or 2:00 & stayed til 7-8? (I can't remember now.) Carole fixed Cornish hens & they were good. I gave what I couldn't eat of mine to Guy. She also made yeast rolls. I made a pecan pie & black-eyed peas. She made everything else. It was a good dinner. We ate around 5. After supper we played a new game - Shanghai rummy. It was a bit hard but fun. It reminded me a little of Yahtzee. There were 13 hands. You got 11 cards each time. We used two & eventually three decks of cards. Each hand you had to get different things. I think the first hand was two sets of three. The next hand was a set of 3 & a run of 4. It got progressively harder. One hand required a run of 10 plus something else. If you weren't the one to go out, you counted the points left in your hand to go against you. The player with the fewest points at the end was the winner. I was at the opposite end.

     Guy & I had to take turns with Ez. while we were playing. She slept some while we were there but not much. We tried to feed her supper while we were there (she'd finally eaten some bananas at lunch) but she wouldn't take any solids.

     Her appetite finally came back last Sun. I think. She finished her Amoxicillin on New Year's Eve. We still gave her the Proventil for another day cause it sounded a little rumbling in her chest. Both her head & chest seem to be clear now - knock on wood. She'll need her 9-mo. shots soon so she needs to be well for that.

     For our anniversary this year we went to a different place, one Gayle Hardison recommended. Steinhilber's. It's down past where Mike & Carole live (they kept Ez.) on the water but we didn't see a view. Gayle said to ask for a table downstairs & that's what we got. It was a little chilly but I didn't have long sleeves on. (I wore the dress I'd made for our pictures.) But the food was terrific. We got their specialty - fried shrimp. It was delicious. But they didn't do anything special for our ann. That's why we stopped going to Tandom's - because they quit doing anything extra for our ann. Maybe we can find something else next year.

     Guy gave me a cassette case & three cassettes for our ann. He told me ahead of time that he didn't get me anything romantic. I got him the watch he'd asked for for xmas. I've decided not to get him any really expensive one any more cause he wears them our too fast.

     After we ate we drove around looking at xmas lights before going to get Ez. Carole had just gotten her to sleep and when we rang the doorbell Katie (the dog) started barking & woke her up. She was screaming by the time we got in but she was ok by the time I got her down stairs to see her Daddy.

     I forgot to mention Luana Carter kept Ez. xmas eve aft. while we went to see Star Trek VI. It was pretty good but I don't think it's my favorite. We went to the theater over by the base. It was nice. Ez. did good at Luana's.

     Guy's arm is doing better. He had a smaller cast put on then when they took the staples out they put on a removable splint. He was only supposed to take it off to take showers and he was real good about leaving it on. Yesterday morning they removed it for good. He still has one week convalescent leave. He's not supposed to do any heavy lifting for another month. He'll be on the ship by then. There's a couple of exercises they told him to do but I haven't seen him doing them much yet. I'm not going to nag him about it though. We had a "discussion" one night. He said I was wanting him to do more around the house & then when he tried to do anything, I'd tell him he'd hurt his arm. I asked what he wanted me to do & he said to just let him live his life. So that's what I've been trying to do the past few days. He says he's not mad at me & I'm not mad at him, but things just seem different any more. I thought once we finally had the baby we wanted for so long that everything would be wonderful. But sometimes it's like we're further apart than ever. It's like we're both giving everything we've got to Elizabeth and there's nothing left to give to each other. He said something about maybe we're just around each other too much since he's been on leave. He may be right about that. I've tried to keep a regular schedule but it's really been hard. Ez. isn't taking very good naps any more & since she's been sick she doesn't sleep as well at night any more. We try to take turns getting up with her & sleeping in but seems like I'm always tired and/or getting headaches. We've started staying up late and I just can't do that & get up with Ez. in the mornings. It's going to be rough at first when Guy goes back to work. Once he goes back to work he's only got a week before he leaves there. He's going to take a couple of weeks off before reporting to the ship. There's a guy from church who's on the Opportune & he said they'll be at Key West the whole month of Feb. So he'll have to go to work at the transit personnel something-or-other til the ship gets back. They're supposed to go in the yards for 3 mos. in April but they don't know where yet. Don't know when their first big cruise is but I already dread it. It's going to be so hard taking care of Ez. & Chief by myself.