"It was so embarrassing."

Monday, Feb. 3, 1992

     Yesterday was Ground Hog Day, but I don't know what his prediction was. Nick & Tina don't watch much TV. I didn't know they had rented two movies. We watched the second one last night - Stealing Home. It was pretty good. We didn't ever have time to teach them Shanghai Rummy. Tina had to work 3-8:30 last night.

     When we went to church yesterday morning, it was at the same place where we met with the board of directors from Rainbow Christian Services when we were appealing their decision to not let us adopt. The more I thought about it during class the more upset I got just remembering all the things that were said that day. Plus, they'd passed around a sympathy card in class for a couple who'd just lost their 10-wk-old baby to SIDS. I normally wouldn't participate in something like that when we're visiting but I felt like I had to say something. I wrote "we're very sorry to hear about your baby. Find a support group - it will help immensely."

     When we went to get Ez. after class she was sitting on one lady's lap in the rocker, fussing. Guy got her while I got her bag then said we needed to check her diaper. He laid her down & I checked her. She wasn't messy so I picked her up & she wouldn't stop crying. Guy said he's take her & I said that's ok & he went ahead & took her and she stopped crying. It was so embarrassing. Nobody said anything & probably didn't even notice but I felt awful, afraid that everyone would think I wasn't a good mother cause I couldn't get her to stop crying & he could. He said later he just wanted to get her calmed down before she got any worse. She was just so tired but she wouldn't go to sleep during church. Guy finally took her out to walk her but he said there were too many other babies out there to distract her.