"Sometimes I think I had no business wanting to be a mother..."

Sunday, Oct. 6, 1991

     We're all doing better I guess. Elizabeth did have a bit of a cough when she woke up the next morning. I called and talked to the same nurse again. She said we could switch to Triaminic Nite Light. We got some when we went to Wal-Mart yesterday. She really only has the cough when she first wakes up. We have been getting stuff out of her nose - doing it in the morning & at bedtime. It's harder to do it when she's tired cause she starts crying & screaming. So far everything's been clear. If it turns green is when we need to worry.

     We also got some bubblegum flavored toothpaste. I used it on a gauze pad last night and she did really well with it. I'll use the gauze til she gets used to the routine then switch to the toothbrush.

     We went to Wal-Mart to look for a walker for Elizabeth. She's gotten to where she can roll across the floor so I can't just lay her down on the quilt and leave her & expect her to stay there any more. She likes the Johnny Jump-Up better now but she gets tired. I guess cause she can't use her arms to prop herself up on anything. She just kind of twists & turns around. We wrote down numbers of the walkers at Wal-Mart to compare to Baby Superstore. They guarantee they'll  match any price. They had a walker like the one at W.M. but it was one number different because it was a different color. They said it had to be the exact same number for the low price guarantee. They're in the process of moving the store to Lohmann's Plaza & the girl said they might have the other model there. It opens Wed. It was only $5 more than Wal-Mart.

     I'm supposed to be taking a nap. I dozed while Elizabeth slept on my lap on the couch & Guy took his nap. I told him he could come back up & sleep some more but he insisted I come back up here. I have so many things I need to do. I was planning to get some things done yesterday, like I plan every Sat., and we ended up running around til the day was half gone. I did start folding my summer clothes. I put them in the porta-crib -- it's still set up in our room. I just feel like I never get anything accomplished. When I do get started on something I can't finish it. It sure would help if she'd take regular naps. I wouldn't trade her for anything but I sure wish I'd been prepared for this. Sometimes I think I had no business wanting to be a mother cause I'm doing such a lousy job at it. I just can't take care of her & the house & Guy & deal with Chief too. I'm afraid something's going to have to give & I don't know what that will be. Guy does help out but I need more help than he's able or willing to give. I don't feel I can ask any more of him cause he's always tired from work.